Happiermex

[Happiermex]

Please try to calm your mind and take a deep breath when you have these thoughts,
I am a survivor of physical and mental abuse and can honestly say once the heartbreak is over it feels so refreshing to find yourself again… who says you will die alone? People in relationships may die alone… but you have to be happy with the life you have loved in that moment… I’m only guessing here as thankfully my time isn’t up yet 🙂 but if he makes you feel horrible or scared and you was on your death bed would it comfort you knowing this person who hasn’t really treated you fair or nice is sat beside you?
It’s a difficult process being with someone who dosnt make you feel great. But focus on today and try and think what YOU want out of life xxx

[Happiermex]

Thank you guys, I have removed myself from social media.. I find it dosnt help all round. Hopefully this shitty phase will pass soon enough. Thank you for your support xx

[Happiermex]

We have not had any contact within the last year up untill the other day, I thinks it’s more he’s with someone I know.. I just always wanted him to be miserable..
is it normal to carry that anger a year on?

[Happiermex]

A big part of me doesn’t feel any of this is to make me feel a certain way there’s been someone after me and they have now split up, and now he is with someone I know… i just didn’t think I would give a crap but I do… my head is spinning for some stupid reason

[Happiermex]

So strange he unblocked me on social media two weeks ago… I didn’t think to much into it.. next thing I know he’s with my friend lol.. I can never work these people out! But it reminds me of why I am so better off where I am in life. No games no fear!
Just makes me want to move away lol!

[Happiermex]

Yea it’s a strange feeling isn’t it! A pet of me is abit angry but I’m just going to leave it behind me, hopefully over the next few days the feelings for what ever reason they are there will simmer down

[Happiermex]

I didn’t, and I am kicking myself for notbeing strong enough at the time… I was beaten and treated like a dog, but I just wanted out at the time… he did unblock me on social media two weeks ago which I found so strange! But didn’t think much of it. But now wondering if it’s all a game because he split up with the girl he got with after me.. I think it’s best I leave it. She may see me as the jellous ex

[Happiermex]

Thank you! It’s difficult because I know her really well, do I give her a heads up that he is abusive… physically and mentally? Or do I leave it?

[Happiermex]

I think I will contact my gp, because my mind has blocked out a lot. I can talk about it but it doesn’t feel like my story I’m telling if that makes sense? I just want it to be over it’s so cruel. He’s blocked on everything but emailed me so now every time I get a email my heart goes and I feel sick.
There’s a lot of emotions running through me, some days I’m ok then others I go back to that horrible anxiety feeling.

[Happiermex]

Thank you all so much for your support. Me and my daughter are extremely close which is such a amazing thing.
Can I ask though if it’s normal to forget what they did? And how it made you feel? I keep dreaming about him sometimes good sometimes I see his angry face and wake up feeling all kinds of emotions. I was doing as well as I could in the beginning I felt I got to a ok place but Iv now hit a low with my confidence again.. and I feel like I miss him which is so strange because my mind fights it. He’s with someone new which I think was happening when we where still together towards the end. I have moments I think of them being happy then try and pick myself up take a deep breath and remember what she has comming.. he physically, emotionally and mentally abused me and I’m the one paying for it. It’s just so sad. X

[Happiermex]

Thank you I totally agree with what your saying, if I think of all our holidays they were all so sad when I think back I couldn’t relax he left me and my daughter plenty of times, we went to (detail removed by Moderator) and had the worst two weeks of our lives, so heart breaking. I think like you said it’s looking back and remembering the good times because that feeling of fear and egg shells has passed for me now. But I will ride these rubbish days out and keep moving forward. Iv been asked out a few times but I am no where near ready. I’m so scared I’ll never be ready but I’m (detail removed by Moderator) so I’m sure in time I will be ok x

[Happiermex]

We have split up now… I got away a few months ago but I deleted these pics when we was together, I have a iPhone XR I didn’t want him to see them.. I don’t know what I intend to do with them I think I want them to see how far Iv come and to remind me to never ever stand for anything like that again

[Happiermex]

Thank you so much everyone, I am a strong minded person when I do finally decide something lol so I am solid on I will never go back. I know what’s waiting for me if I went back and that’s not what I want, it’s just thoughs odd days where I stop and feel the emotion and think my god I actually did it! And the feelings I had before of fear etc have gone so it’s easy to forget how you once felt I wish I kept the photos I took after he would hurt me but I deleted them in fear he would find them.. they would have helped me feel nothing if I could get them back.

[Happiermex]

I only wish I could do more to help
Everyone once the hard part of leaving is done and you have cried your self stupid you look back and think why on earth was I so stuck? Why couldn’t I have left sooner? But there are no answers… it’s not your fault. Everyone’s situation is different and stay for many diff reasons.. but take it from me you can escape. You can be happy again even with bad days in between I’m
No longer having permanent bad days and dreading comming I’m from work dreading if my
Daughter would say the wrong thing.. hoping when I went food shopping he would be happy that I spent most of it on him and that he wouldn’t go mad… that isn’t life. It’s control. If anyone needs to chat I’m a inbox away. Your not alone and I would never judge you x

[Happiermex]

It’s because we love to much and we are kind caring people we think we can fix them, we think that if we show them enough love it will stop but one thing I can assure you is once that line is crossed they never go back it only gets worse. One day something will happen and it will click and you will up and leave and from some where find that strength to keep moving forward. It’s very hard so please don’t punish yourself!
You can have a different life you just have to find the courage even though they suck everything out of you… deep down your still you! Xx

[Happiermex]

Hi I am still having some good days but I think where I concentrated on getting a new job I re decorated my home and kept busy with material things now I have nothing to do the bad days creep in.. not so much for him I can look at his face on other peoples pics as he’s blocked from everything and not feel anything for him. I think it’s more my mind calming and fighting the bad things that happens and trying to remember I’m not what he said I was… but what ever your situation your doing great and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.. there’s always someone else who can love you when the times right… we got this! I’d rather cry and be hurt than be the one making some that loves me cry and breaking them down.. they can’t fix that but we can fix us! Xx

[Happiermex]

Same here, I have days where I miss the companionship but you must always remember you will love again and I just pray that I make better choices because the person I loved and still love hurt me badly. And that is not love that isn’t respect so love isn’t enough. We are on the right path to happiness instead of stuck in a rut. Keep moving forward day by day! Your future self w thank you x

[Happiermex]

Couldn’t agree more! I forget to appreciate how calm and easy going I am now sometimes I have to remind myself to sit and take a breath and take a moment to be happy with where I’m at.. here’s to the future! X

[Happiermex]

Thank you all. I still have my bad days don’t get me wrong, I still miss him some days. But I remind my self I’m just missing the perception I have in my head of him an to battle through as tomorrow’s another day. If anyone wants to chat I’m always avalible I know how hard it is and heart breaking, if hate for anyone to feel they were alone. My best friend has also been in a situation where she has had to escape from (detail removed by moderator) with her children from a abusive relashionship and had a huge battle to keep her children! I will always help where I can xx

[Happiermex]

Thank you everyone. It’s been around (detail removed by moderator) weeks out now and the crying has stopped Iv laughed a lot more and I’m doing my house up bit by bit so it feels like my own again, it’s one of the hardest things Iv had to do.. but I think we also forget when things get calm to appreciate that atmosphere and the calm feeling. I still have moments I miss him and feel like I still love him BUT I remind myself it’s because it was real to me, it’s not something to be ashamed of… but I know I would never go back. It’s one huge headache and heartbreak. No good will ever come from that. I feel so diff and look at myself like I am enough maybe not for him but that’s one person out of the whole world. And actually I’m ok with that, I will fight through thoughs slight moments I miss him or feel love for him and fight for myself. Happiness is more than enough even on my own with positive people around me. Good friends, family Iv had a promotion in work! Things just seem so much more positive. So being single doesn’t scare me at all. Life is for living! We only get one shot! Choose u ladies xx

[Happiermex]

It will get better, I think what Iv learnt is it HAS to get better no matter the pain or the yearning for them the days still pass and we go through it no matter what. We can’t stop it but then we also can’t stop the progress! I enjoy every second of the good days and take in as much as I can.. and the bad days I just ride them out and remind myself these aren’t forever! X

[Happiermex]

My story sounds similar to yours, looking back I feel I was raped on many occasions as I didn’t want it and after it I felt dirty and empty and used which isn’t how your supposed to feel, but please don’t forget it’s not your fault! It’s who they are not us and for that I am so so grateful. We have a chance at a bright future and potentially when ready to have a loving relationship, it could be worse that we could be them.
These feelings are normal I wish I could say other wise, I have days where I think please someone just rip my heart out and get it over with… but then I’m slowly having days where I’m ok and it could be something as simple as reading a book which he hated or I have just decorated which I was never aloud to do because I was useless. I write in a diary when my feelings get to much as I find it helps because there’s no one there to judge me. You need to try and find who you are again people change all the time for what ever reason but you can be who ever you want to be going into your future. Women’s aid said to me before…

Imagine 6 months time still being with him.

Now imagine 6 months time away from him? Which sounds more appealing!?

You got this. We all got this because we are good innocent people who just wanted to love.
And we will love again but hopefully the right person who will be loving and caring back. Speak on here as much as you can it helped me massively! X

[Happiermex]

Yes I can’t think to far harsh because I have panic attacks, as I worry about the future so I try to take each day as it comes and remind myself beautiful things do happen everyday and I am not alone.

[Happiermex]

I have no choice but to move through them and keep going because there is no going back.
I am solid on that. I just can’t wait to feel enough again and whole. I hear about them or see them and it weakens me.

[Happiermex]

Thank you for your supporting words I can’t wait to be on the other side x

[Happiermex]

Mine moved on after a week! Lol… you will be grateful it’s happened when the pain subsides because there’s nothing more he can do, he may be having a ball right now but we all know what comes next don’t we. The way I see it is enjoy it who ever they are with because sadly it’s the start of a nightmare.. and people do not change. Not when they have deep issues. And I feel to hit a woman or cheat on a regular basis is who they are as a person nothing will change that because it’s in them, especially if they continue to get away with it. Keep your head held high and focus on you…. one day you will hear or see damage he’s done to her. Everyone thought me and my partner of 6 years where forever and we where so happy! But they had no idea what I was going through at home. X

[Happiermex]

I think it is a mixture of all that because I have been ok, I do feel for her I don’t feel any bitterness as I was her (detail removed by moderator) ignoring all the red flags, I’m sure I’ll be ok in a few days just horrible feeling of emptiness and sadness. All I want is to be happy and have a family unit.

[Happiermex]

I have blocked him on everything, I am taking the higher ground and remembering that I am a respectful young women and I wouldn’t behave in the same way. Believe me I could have I have been asked out a few times but have kindly declined as it’s not me for me right now.

[Happiermex]

That is a lovley idea. I won’t be taking anyone up on there offer of a date anytime soon as I am still very afraid, but my friends seem to think I’m holding out for him to come back? I would never go back I know that for sure… but I still feel very much in the mind set of the control and mind games and fear.. I think I would love some counselling to try and figure it all out but wouldn’t even know where to start. I keep dreaming about him lately in all diff kinds of situations… one where he’s hitting me, one where am we are friends etc. I deleted all my pics of my injuries I wish I could get them back some how. The photos are of my daughter in regards to the ones upsetting me, just seeing how small she was and what he put us through I feel disgusted as a parent and find that hard to deal with.

[Happiermex]

Thank you so much, that’s my plan to just keep moving forward. Same to you, keep strong and remember your worth xx

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