smallbutbrave

[smallbutbrave]

I feel everything you said is so my situation.

 

It’s the constant questioning myself and feeling like i am guilty when I also know I have done absolutely nothing wrong.  He said (timeframe removed by Moderator)… (quote removed by Moderator)  I said (quote removed by Moderator).  I just think it sounds ridiculous, I can’t believe I even waster any breath answering stupid questions like that!!  However, he still thinks I am lying and I really fancy him!!!  I really don’t fancy him….it is so stupid.

He said he will find out of i am lying and I will face a world of pain.

 

(timeframe removed by Moderator) he is acting totally normal and pleasant, But I feel so down and so fed up of his accusations, abuse, aggression, constantly walking on eggshells, I am at the point where I am to frightened to defend myself as this really sends him over the edge.  He will in turn get angry with me because he can feel I am being ‘off’ with him so I have to try and act normal myself.  I just want hom to understand his actions and words are not ok.  He doesn’t, he says it is all my own doing and I have made him this way.

[smallbutbrave]

totally get all of this.

 

I hate sex but I have to do it every single night to keep him happy.  He too makes me dress up all the time (detail removed by moderator) and has done things to me that I don’t feel happy anout at all but when I say I don’t like it he calls me all kinds of names and gets really angry, if I dare say I am tired and can we just have an early night he always says he will go elsewhere.

 

(detail removed by moderator) He will critize me during sex.  Once he got so angry with me during sex I was shaking and very teary but yet he carried on.

I get really anxious going to bed because I know what he will expect but I have to go along with it or face anger, threats and hours of him telling me hoe awful I am to him.  I hate sex it repluses me and would happily never do it again.

I give him sex everynight but know that isn’t enough, he keeps telling me how I should wake him in the night or forst thibg in the morning with (detail removed by moderator) because I havn’t done that he gets annoyed with me

 

 

[smallbutbrave]

Thanks for thr advice everyone.

I am hoping it is still on the cloud as my phone is fully backed up but just don’t actually know how to access icloud?  Sorry I am a tech phobe!

 

I will check the ipad tomorrow to see if they are still in recently deleted

[smallbutbrave]

I just think he must know I am not happy.

I had a chance to tell him last night but I knew he would turn nasty. He mist know the fear he has over me.

He tells me he isn’t happy (it is all my fault) i am to blame for his poor mental health, I am the reason for his abuse basically. I don’t turn him on but yet he still demands sex everyday.

I just think if he is so unhappy jist split up with me…but he won’t! I thonk he loves the control he has over me, and he has so much control.

He said if I don’t want to be with him I need to tell him and be honest but I know if I do just tell him that all hell will break loose.

[smallbutbrave]

I really want to see my family, it is my time away from him aswell.

If I don’t comply and go aahead there will be a price to pay i guess. I am hoping I can talk him round. I just don’t know how anyone would want to stop their partner seeing family.

Setting boundaries is just never going to happen for me. He would be outraged!

[smallbutbrave]

I tried to tell him how I felt last night and stood by the bedroom door becasue I could feel his anger growing and I thought if I am near the door at least I can make a run for it and call the police ( i had my phone in hand) but somehow I managed to leave the room safely without him losing it. Even still I couldn’t tell him as my fear of him is so extreme. He also said if friends and family knew what he has has to put up with all these years they would all understand why he is the way he is?!?!

He wanted me to perform (detail removed by Moderator) and after he still hit me round the head because he didn’t like something I said.

[smallbutbrave]

Thank you all formyoir replies, (detail removed by Moderator) I have thought about it but don’t know where to start.

The problem is he blames me for all his anger against me, if i didn’t do x y and x or made those bad choices right in the early days of meeting he wouldn’t be like this so it is all my fault. He says I continue to disrespect him now and it makes him angry. He says he has put up with so much I should be worshipping the ground he walks on. If he thinks I have rolled my eyes at him (which i don’t because I know how mad it makes him) he goes mental tonthe point of laying his hands on me

[smallbutbrave]

Same , sending hugs xxx

[smallbutbrave]

That was nice to read bananaboat, kind of goves me hope.

He has told me (removed by moderator) if we split up it is all my fault and it will really affect our son who will not cope at all and that will be all on me.

[smallbutbrave]

Honestly sometimes the abuse is so so bad i think about just leaving myself and going to my parents, but I couldn’t leave my son. He is my life. Also I don’t want him to brainwash him.

I had to listen to him (detail removed by Moderator) telling me what a bad oerson i am and how I have ruined his lie.

Just leave!!

[smallbutbrave]

Hi

No, my son has never witnessed the physical attacks but has heard my partner shouting, sweating and being aggressive towards me and then me after in tears. He did see my OH last week drag his finger across his neck and point to me, which is just awful. He looked so confused. I try to hide it as best I can but it is getting harder to do.

My son is a lovely boy though and is very sweet, kind and loving towards me. We have a great mother/son bond. How ever he adore his monster of a dad also.

😔

[smallbutbrave]

I just can’t seem to get a plan together to leave.

There was (detail removed by Moderator) when he attacked me. Still here I am!

He has said if i want to leave him he will take our son. Son is not a baby he is preteen so I can’t just up and leave.

I think my only option left is to xcall the police next time (and there will be a next time) he attacks me and have him arressted. Just worried he will come back with out being charged and kill me, he said (detail removed by Moderator) he would kill me

[smallbutbrave]

I have had something simillar. He somehow managed to work out the password to my old computer (one I wasn’t using at the time) and found lots of old photots of me with an ex before me met and saved all the pics?! He also got in my facebook account from years ago and founds private messages from before we met and (detail removed by Moderator) years later still holds it agaisnt me. He has saved everything, every picture and every conversation. It’s twisted. He uses it agaisnt me all the time… Even last night.

[smallbutbrave]

thank you all for your replies.

I have two options..next time he kicks off i will have to call police or just hope ue doesn’t really hurt me and go to my parents. which would be a plane journey away but i know i will be safe.

he has said and done so much in the last 8 weeks. But the lowest was (detail removed by moderator) when he said infront of our son he will take him back to (detail removed by moderator) and i will be on my own (he has never made threats to take my son away) My son has seen and heard so much. why the hell am i still with him!?

My son said he wouldn’t be able to live without him which is horrible to hear because this man has caused me so much pain. I think my son is scared of him as he has seem his outburts and is terrified to ‘dissapoint’ him. He is such a lovely, kind and sweet boy. Nothing like his father.

my parner is so verbally abusive towards me and calls me all kinds of names, really shouts and is so aggressive.

he has been phyically abusive aswell. Hr had me by the back on my neck a few week ago in the (detail removed by moderator) ready to smash it into (detail removed by moderator). that was after he dragged me back into (detail removed by moderator) by my wrists to belittle me some more and stood by the door so i couldn’t get out. He has been abusive to me once i am in bed shouting at me and grabbing me by the hair and yet i still (detail removed by moderator) sex 5 mins after (i really didn’t want to and it made me feel sick and angry) all because i knew if i didn’t i would have got his hands around my neck. He always threatens to ‘(detail removed by moderator)’

What am i doing here?!?! All because i don’t want to leave my job and take my son out of school??? he won’t leave you see. he tells me all the time to (detail removed by moderator).

and now he is mr nice guy and couldn’t be more normal.

[smallbutbrave]

I understand how you are feeling.  I am living in hell right now.  All kind of abuse.  I should just break up with him but i don’t know how.  If I told him face to face or over a text I know for a fact he will attack me.

 

He has to play the victim 24/7

[smallbutbrave]

He has said he is leaving now..He won’t, he always says that but doesn nothing.

I slept in my sons room last night to get away from him abd keep safe as he was getting really angry.

That just meant for 2 hours I had non stop abusive texts from him. The usual. Lots of I will kill you, you will see the devil and on and on. It is relentless and doesn’t stop. He blames me for everything. Basically said if I give him more and better sex he won’t get angry. Sexual abuse much?! Horrible, he is a monster but thinks he is a victim

[smallbutbrave]

Hello lovely, I could have written this post myself. I know how hard it is. your partner sounds alot like mine. I want to leave, I look at him and feel nothing. He tells me daily I am a horrible, awful person. Everything that has gone wrong in his life is all my fault. He has a terrible temper. It is so bad that I can’t even defend or try to stick up for myself. I tried that the other night and got grabbed round the back of my neck.

I live in the UK but my parents live abroad. I, like you up untill not long ago had to get ‘permission’ to go visit (detail removed by Moderator) a year. He isn’t as bad now but I still tense up when I come to book flights and have to let him know.

Hr says I am cold and show no love or emotion towards him and yeah I guess I don’t or at least the bare minium to live a semi peaceful life, but he ca’t see it is him who has made me like this. All the verbal, emotional, corercive, physcical, sexual abuse has made me hate him. I wouldn’t dare say that to his face though because he would seriously hurt me. (detail removed by moderator)

Anyway…Sorry to rant. Just know I know how you feel and you are not alone. Ee are better than them

[smallbutbrave]

I know how you feel, they are so strange aren’t they, the way they work.

I have had two weeks of hell where the abuse has ramped up big time and I have been left feeling so low and depressed. Only two days ago he told me how (detail removed by moderator) and if I disrespect him (detail removed by moderator) and yesterday he pulled the old I will kill myself card. Now today he is as nice as can be, talking to me and being just calm and normal. Not pushing for sex just normal. He to asked for a hug today twice but I just couldn’t. He has put me through hell. I don’t want to be anywhere near him.

I really hope he does’t want sex tonight. Injist can’t face it

[smallbutbrave]

Well tonight he got angry with me again and came shouting at me and being really aggressive saying how he should 9detail removed by moderator)…Pointing right in my face. All in front of our son, who whispered in my ear after my partner finally left the room ‘next time that happens he should leave’

I feel so so sad my wonderful son had to see that. He knows and remembers alot more than I thought and I feel like the worst mother for not protecting him

[smallbutbrave]

I could have wrote this post myself. Everytime we have a child free day he decides for me what I will spend my day doing and that is…Sex.

I hate it so much. He makes my skin crawl. As soon as he is ‘finished’ he wants to go again and can’t understand why I don’t.

I might want to spend my child free days going shopping, go for lunch or just chill, but I don’t get a say. If I did he would just sulk and get really mean. Telling me how we never get to spend the whole day together. I tell you now, I dread those days.

I just lie there and zone out aswell and wait for it to be over.

[smallbutbrave]

wanting peace..How are you today?

[smallbutbrave]

blueberry field…It’s just shit isn’t it. Last night was awful when I went to bed. He makes my skin crawl with his demands and what I should be doing in bed. He gets so angry if i slightly give my side.

(detail removed by moderator)

There is a new guy at my work and that is who he is referring to I guess as he is so jealous about that. I have bever even spoke to this new guy!!!!!????? His paranoia is crazy. God he has put me off men for life. I just want to be single!!! Forever!

[smallbutbrave]

It’s really tricky for me to havr anytime to make calls to the right services, he is always at home (doesn’t work) and I am at work allday.

I have money saved up (I call it my running away fund) but the thought of actually leaving feels me such fear I just know I will never have the guts to do it. Maybe I could if I had family near by but they all live abroad.

(detail removed by moderator) I don’t show him any affection he says and there is no love or emotion…How the hell can I show him love after all the shit he has put me through. The intimidation, threats, verbal abuse, put downs, physical abuse. Where was his love and emotion then. Of course I wouldn’t dare to say that because he would flip. He says I play the victim.

He really thinks he is so hard done by and I am the big bad wolf. He won’t accept any of his behaviour and how that has affected me towards him.

Again it all comes down to sex, he came in earlier and said ‘(detail removed by moderator)’ and just groped me and stuck his tongue down my throat. He wants me to be allover him in bed tonight. Does he really not see how off putting it is?

[smallbutbrave]

Here for help..Can I ask. You said your ex threatened all sorts when you broke up, did anything bad happen to you when u did split?

sorry of that is too personal a question and i understand if you don’t want to answer or feel comftable

[smallbutbrave]

Thank you

I didn’t know I could speak to a female da officer. That is hood to know. How do I get in touch with them, will they come and arrest him, will he know I have made contact with them? The thought of doing that is scary but I am at my wits end.

(detail removed by moderator) He moans at me because there are some things he asks me to do in the bedroom that I don’t feel comftable woth and just won’t do. He says after everything I havr done to him I should be doing everything in my power to keep him happy and make him feel wanted.

He blames me for all the stuff that has gone wrong in his life since meeting me (detail removed by moderator) It ALL my fault, everything. So many times I told him to slow down. He told me he loved me on the second date….Should have known that was a red flag back then!

I am done trying my hardest to make him feel that i would never chest on him, he said if a man walks into my staffroom when i have lunch i have to leave the room and do you know the sad thing…I do, because I am terrified that some how he will find out I didn’t leave the room. Like i am so paranoid.

After all these years of this utter shit I have no sex drive at all..None. He has a massive sex drive and tells me (detail removed by moderator) Do you know how depressing it is having to do something like that all the time and pretend to enjoy it just to live a fairly quiet life only for him to kick up a fuss about how boring it is when he is in a mood with me.

so sorry to rant but onhave mo one else to talk to about any of this

[smallbutbrave]

Same here Butterfly, my partner controlls everything

I’m not allowed to…
Wear make up to work, only ar home
Not allowed to wear my hair down at work
Not allowed to wear nice clothes at wor
Not allowed to see friends socially
If any men start working where I work I HAVE to tell him
I’m not allowed social media
He has to have sex everynight
I’m am not allowed to talk to men
Has threatened I will not be allowed to see family anymore
Not allowed to use dry shampoo on my hair..At work
(detail removed by Moderator)

[smallbutbrave]

Hi there

Sorry to jump in on this but I have also recently been in touch with the police a d reported lots of abuse at the hands of my OH. It was too overwhelming for me and I decided not to take it any further but the police said to get in touch in the future if I need to, I get really abusive texts from my OH daily can I forward them to the police via email?

[smallbutbrave]

thank you for your reply

how are things with your children now

[smallbutbrave]

thanks for your reply

 

I don’t have anywhere else i could go.  I am very close to my parents and siblings but they all live overseas.  I would drop everything tomorrow to go stay at the safety of my parents but I have my job and I really don’t want to gove that up.

 

I have told someone at work some details and she was horrified, her reaction said it all.  Also my parents know bits aswell and they hate his guts.

 

😔

 

 

[smallbutbrave]

Yes…I get the ‘go see your boyfriend then’ if i don’t want it.

i’d like to know who this boyfriend is??? I certainly do not cheat. Even of I wanted to ( I don’t, he has put me off men for life) I just don’t have the time

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