Woollymammal

[Woollymammal]

I met what I thought was a nice man, seems like I am attracted to abusers..
He too was a swinger…he had 2 phones, and I did things I woukd never thought I would ever do..2st time I’ve told about that.. he manipulated me so much.. and again I didn’t see it as abuse..
I wouldn’t have even associated it to that..
That was the 1st of many abusers only I know that now..
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you Freedomfries01..
Early days yet but it’s such a hard thing..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Sounds absolutely wonderful kip, and you so deserve it, awww you should think of getting a little dog to cuddle.. my fur babies give me so much comfort..
He’ll be back soon and my anxiety is peaking..
I just read a quote and it said..

Sometimes the thing you are most afraid of doing
Is the very thing that sets you free..

Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you kip, you bring my mind back into focus when the panic has distorted it..
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Kip, thank you for your reply, I think I’m slowly easing myself into it by taking little bits, making it less hard on my back for carrying things to my car etc..
But if I go that’s it I don’t want to step nack, he’s taken all of my confidence.. all I can see and feel is the worst..
I just need to get the rest of my strength to go in the next few days.. I think I just need to keep resting inbetween to get a bit of strength back..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Kip, I have felt similar feelings but not as severe as th Is…maybe your right it may be a panic attack..

Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you kip, think I forgot the before panics, or maybe I remember it too much .. but you bring me back to reality.. I’ll get through it..

Xxx

[Woollymammal]

It’s not just family and friends, although my nephew said to.me , ” no wonder no one believes you, 1 minute your saying about abuse, next minute your going bk to him saying you love him.. that’s when I just found out it was abuse..
The mental health team, suggested marriage counselling and maybe when he would say he’d break my nose that he was still in work mode with his mates and he was joking..
I’d come out feeling worse than when I went..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi FREE2020,

Brilliant news about you leaving your abuser and getting your freedom, the ladies on here have been great supporting me along my harrowing journey of abuse..
Your situation sounded just like mine is.. and I’m hopefully just gotten to the end and freedom is in sight..saying that, panic and guilt setting in, but I’ve felt those feelings before in trying to flee, but always came back..
But this time is different, I’ve found a home.. and it felt like home when I saw it too..
Your freedom and what you’ve just said give me that extra strength in leaving
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi All Thank you so much for your support, I’ve got a prelimary appointment to sign contract for house..Just one more check grom mental health team.. felt sick and panicky.. but I’m going this time also getting pangs of guilt too..
But the thing I keep remembering in my head was him laughing at me and he wanted me to.respond when my daughter was there.. obviously she wouldn’t have known all the things he did in the shop to wind me up..So although I wanted to I didn’t..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

I’m really excited about the house, he’s being ultra nice..Do they know, how can they tell if you’ve changed?
I look after my (removed by moderator) in the school holidays, I have to be at her house early in the morning, which would cause traffic problems but also in case he sees me as he knows I usually look after her..
Obviously I don’t know when I’ll be going but it’s only (removed by moderator) until they break up.. so ill be worried about him seeing me but also looking after my (removed by moderator)..
So not sure what will happen…
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Kip,

Thank you, I do feel excited, if I’m offered it in going to have it…
I was thinking about doing that, taking all my stuff from all over the place there… think your right it would help…

Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.. I could never have got this far without all your help ladies..

Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Raindays,

I can totally relate as most kmow on here, how I’ve left and come back.. the last time after 2 hours and put most things back before he got home..
Ladies said on here, I’ll know when I’m ready to go, and after spending nearly 3 years learning as much knowledge as possible, finding out (detail removed by moderator)..It finally hit me.. it was like the light was turned on in my brain and I was now are of the abuse cycle..
I didn’t realise what the ladies meant.. but I do know now.. I can’t wait to go, and I look at him, knowing he’s doing it on purpose.. grrr.. but I’m finally 100% to go and not come back.. I’m hopefully getting an offer for viewing..
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you all for your replies.. I’ll let you know..
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Kip,

Thank you.. I just feel something has changed, he’s being nice but I don’t feel.any guilt as I did before..
I just can’t wait now, unfortunately I haven’t got any real support.. my girls don’t believe me, my sister who does .. isn’t really supportive, and my mom she s my rock but she s old and poorly..
No Sup port worker from DA services, so.all on my own again..but hey what’s new..my brain has worked out the abuse to.a certain extent.. but my head is full of pain.. but I’ll work through it..
Sounds absolutely perfect your freedom kip.. Sending you a massive hug.. xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Rainbowcloud..
I’m sorry your Christmas with your children was spoiled because of him..
It just shows how they can change when they want to ie when his kids come round and have to show he’s a lovely person(not).. we know better..
But you’d tbink we’d get used to.tbe fact we know that they will make it miserable as it is not all about them..Especially when it’s not their children..
They are evil and the games they play, makes our emotions all over the place..
Sometimes I don’t think we should expect any thing more of them as we know they won’t change for any one but themselves..
My OH is like that but it’s his grandchildren tbat he is happier.. like he’s a human being when there around…
Unusually he’s been super nice, which puts me on edge..
However, today he went to work I thougjt all day so.i went out with my daughter and grandaughter to a play place, just about to.eat food..he called said he was home, where was I? I told him he said hed told me hed be bk at lunch and we go out for lunch.. I said you didn’t say that, he said well don’t eat too much..
I did, get fed up of the lies..
Sending hugs xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi All, thank you for your replies, and I know freedom22 ,well done for posting on here, the best support is each other thank goodness for all you ladies on here, your support is so much appreciated..
Kip, thank you for your kind words, I’m hoping I can stick to staying away this time..
Thank you fudge cake for your well wishes..
I’m hoping they will be ok with me moving in after Christmas as he’ll be off and I look after my grandaughter too..
Alittlelost, the silent treatment is so frustrating, I feel like shouting, ” Answer me”!
But this extra silence is payback for me questioning something the other day..
Sending you all hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi both, thank you for your support..
I can’t pay for it myself as I’ve got physical problems which affect my (detail removed by moderator)..so I have to claim for it.. I did look at a flat here before in the same block.. I said no at 1st, then yes but couldn’t make my mind up again because of doubt, anxiety panic..
But I’ve often thought about the property it’s supported so I woukdnt be on my own..
It’s a little out of my comfort zone but close really…
Surrounded by grass area.. I can have my dogs.. so fingers crossed..
If I get it I just have to go but don’t know if it will be straight away or after Christmas..
I have no money at all, he suddenly has money…
I haven’t hardly got any presents, yet he’s out at work every day…
I get a little money next week and have to.pay the next council tax again..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

When my daughter was killed, the abuse stepped up, th is was really the 1st time I actually questioned why he was like that…He said because my daughter was killed I changed.. well why wouldn’t I.. after that, he stopped me grieving, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t be angry… So I’ve kept it all in… that’s partly why I feel like an erupting volcano with the physical/emotional abuse..
Evil they are..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Lisa, fudge cake,

My local WA are not good…It sounded like they didn’t believe me..
I could of gone up at 9 this morning but he was at home.. so they don’t open till 11 tomorrow and can’t make that..So I’m going on Friday morning..
I’ve asked my physchiatric nurse for a social worker for vulnerable adults..they’ve got a safeguarding worker, and said am I safe at home..”How would I know as he’s unpredictable) did I know you would strangle me, no I didn’t.. I said as he’s in control of food and finances as well he’s sort of stopping my medication ( ie correct food) to keep my diabetes under control..
That’s what is online for social worker, so why do I keep having to explain..
Xx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Landy,

I can’t say how pleased I am to hear you say your happy..Just the thought of you saying about putting your Christmas tree up and your log fire and your pets makes me feel all cosy..
There may be tough times ahead but you’ve felt an emotion that you probably haven’t felt for a very long time…
I can’t wait to have that feeling..
Sending you hugs xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you for all your replies, I think I may be feeling a little better..Maybe it’s because I know all his tricks of abuse..
I’ve hopefully sorted out the problems with my physchiatric nurse, I called her Wednesday after no response, to be told I’ve got an appointment an hour later with her.. I did tell them I know your busy but do u realise how much anxiety and panic they give me when they don’t answer or call me..
I’ve got another appointment on Monday too..
Sending hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi sorry for the late response, I did log it at the police station 2 yrs ago when I found out it was Domestic abuse.. they were going to arrest him.. I had to beg them not to as I wasn’t ready for that then . I’ve had enough dealings with the police when my daughter was killed…
I did have a lot of things I had slowly bought for the flat I moved to the other week and Came bk after a couple of hours.. luckily I might be able to store that stuff in an extra room they weren’t using, so hopefully I can add to it..
Thank you all for your responses, it really helps..
Hugs xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Fizzylem,
I did that at my previous house, he stayed at his mom’s around the corner.. he never left me alone.. ended up moving to this house as no one believed me and couldn’t get help to pay rent as it was a 3 bed..
I can’t have my physchology therapy about ptsd with my daughter being killed until I leave abusive relationship as I can’t cry or be angry, not allowed too…
I used to stand up to him and had violence and threats and emotional.. now I’m just a yes person and emotional abuse is worse.. haven’t got the energy to be strong anymore either..

Hugs xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Newbeginnings1234 and diymum, it seems it’s different for everyone when they leave..
I couldn’t afford to stay here and also he’d know where I am so he woukdnt leave me alone, like before..
I’m going to keep and looking, and I’m speaking to a lady at WA about a refuge.. Not decided on either yet, just going to plod along and sort a few things to sort out of my angel daughter’s, so it’s not as much to take when I go..
To be quite honest if I had enough money I could just put my dogs leads on and grab the cat and walk out the door.. but I want my personal things at least..

Hugs to you all.. xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi IWMB,

Thank you for your reply, I know your right as I still feel I want to leave, it’s all about him as usual and I’m not showing enough affection to him, in fact it makes me cringe when he kisses me..
Your OH doesn’t want to admit to himself that it’s done, so he’s still trying to control even the words that you speak..
I’m so pleased you are happy in your freedom and you are gaining strength..
Thank you for your support..
Hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Kip thank you for your replying, and I think your right as I still want to go.. I think I need to plan more so I haven’t got my daughters things to take too..
Your so right about the fog as that’s how my brain feels, this morning he said ” do i live him” I always say yes, as it woukd create mayhem if I didn’t, he said I never say it too him anymore.. I said I say I love you when you say it too me..
I don’t love him at all…
I think I get overwhelmed with what I have to take with me as it makes me I’ll with my back problems..
Can’t thank you enough for all your advice..

Hugs
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Thank you kip, hoping I can get more support to finally leave, as I couldn’t afford to stay here..
Xxx

[Woollymammal]

Hi Kip, after me leaving 3 times, I realised it was home I wanted, I asked him to go.. of which he was very nice and went.. only around the corner to his mom’s… consequently he was always texting, asking if he could pop in.. Tec
As everyone was angry with me as they didn’t believe he is an abuser, I ended up moving into a new house with him..
For a month it was ok, then the emotional, controlling and financial abuse got worse and worse..
Everyone says I should stick up for myself, of which I used to and that when it was violent and threatening.. I’m mostly a yes person now.. but doesn’t change the abuse, it’s just not violent now..
My mom said stick up for yourself, if he hits you he hits you..
I did try and speak to him again, but everything was thrown back at me..
Xxx

[Author]

Posts