Better-days

[Better-days]

Arky123 I hope you are ok I understand fully how u r feeling. Been on this forum years now still no further forward. It’s when u think back to why did it have to reach this point kids involved for our eyes to open and realise how much of a mess it is. I don’t have much advice but here if u need to talk x

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CB your not a bad person at all and not over reacting even if your husband though it was a bit much to expect him to go home he does not have to have a go at u or go into a mood.  stepping on eggshells it’s not ok and I know all about it stay strong hunni big hugs xxxx

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Maybe, I totally feel you. I’m still in a relationship that does not involve physical but so much emotional abuse and getting very angry, I also look at my kids and my heart breaks that I have allowed myself to get to this point and why on earth before kids did I not see clear like a do now. I wish I had the answers for u but I don’t. Reaching out to someone would but I also know how hard this can be. Big hugs to u xx

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Spadesanddrakes I need to reach out to you to let u know that how u are feeling is ok and u don’t need to feel guilty about it. I am a very compassionate person still living with my partner and feel the only way I can be free is if he died and that makes me feel like a terrible human being at times but how bad is it that one person can strip you to a shell of the person that you are that they chip away at u untill u have nothing left to give and the feeling u have towards them is just hate it’s so bad. I hope u are ok x

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Coffeemuumma i hope you are ok. What u have been through is definitely an abusive relationship and well done for leaving. I have two boys and still in the relationship. It’s all mental abuse I’m going through. I’m sorry ur still being abused through ur kids this is what most abusive men do and it’s so sad. I’m not 100 percent but I most definitely think that it is against the law to take them out country without ur permission so double check.

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Quite a lot of your points I can relate too so much and reading them like that is quite scary. I like how you put the good points in as all of our partners can be very nice sometimes and that’s the cycle. Youv been very strong if u started divorce and if u are in good financial position you are so lucky easy for me to say but leave and become the strongest version of yourself. I feel so trapped through finance and housing situation. I hope ur ok x

[Better-days]

Hi I hope you’re ok. I understand how you feels. I don’t know your situation around housing ect. There are options to help you leave safely whatever your situation. Woman’s aid contacting them locally with give u steps to leave safe. Its a very hard time your going through and sometimes you can see no way out but there is options and people to help. I found reaching out to someone helped so much this could be a friend doctor or this forum whatever feels most comfortable. Xx

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Hi I hope ur ok my partner does and says things similar and will say it’s a joke ect and I can’t take a joke… I think it’s unacceptable and a joke is to make you laugh.. I hope ur ok xx

[Better-days]

Hi hunni I hope you’re ok. Things are only good when they decided. When ur not a very nice person you don’t just become nice. The bad is installed and is there regardless. But when things have been good for song long I can imagine how upsetting and drained it is for you when things turn, even if it’s something small. All the small things make one big massive thing and that’s where I struggle. I’m here anytime u want to talk just pm me big hugs xx

[Better-days]

Hi hunni I don’t know where ur partner has taken kids is it a holiday and he will be back soon? I can’t be one hundred percent sure but if he has taken kids out country without your permission I think it’s illegal. So u could maybee seek advice on this I can imagine how distressing this situation is for you I would be very Upset so your feeling are normal and this should not be happening to you. I hope u are ok please seek advice on this x

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Chillijam I understand completely how you feel, what ur husband does is exactly what mine and probably most abusive men do they twist absolutely everything around and put the blame on us. I know how it feel to feel trapped like there’s no way out and also stuck between ur kids and ur husband I hope to leave this year but then I also didn’t want to start the year like this. Opening up to woman’s aid helped me feel stronger if u have alr day done so. I’m sorry I don’t have much advice but ur not alone and im here anytime u need to talk x

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Hi Kelly your post is heartbreaking hunni, I hope u are ok, this herrendous time your going through there is light at the end of it. When I joined this forum I felt so trapped with no way out I’m still in my relationship no physical but I have gained strength in knowing I have options….life was so hard one day after his rage outbursts I left and called emergency homeless. There was a crisis in my area and I was offered hostel I didn’t go, but what happened was I gained so much strength from reaching out. It seems so scary reaching out.that  person can be anyone friend woman’s aid doctor whoever you feel most comfortable with but please do it will give u strength you never er knew you had. I know how scary this time Is for you my partner has said he would kill me if I took kids. It’s very common for abusive men to say this. I send you so much love and strength xxx

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Hi CB I’m glad things r better for you. I can relate so much to being stuck in middle with kids I always mostly side with the kids and he can’t stand it but he knows they come first. Christmas Day was ok I managed it. I also got spoiled with gifts I wish he hasn’t bothered as I thanked him so much as he made me feel bad I didn’t get him much it drains the life out of me. Now Hogmanay at my family’s this will be one I dread but will see how it all goes. I hope your ok and stay strong youz got this xx

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Youv done amazing and should be proud of it. Your Christmas sounds perfect. I hope 2025 will look like that from me as u say I am prepared that the abuse will continue ur when I leave or get worse but living in it everyday is though. Keep strong youv done you kids proud x

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Hi I hope you are ok. I know I need out of my relationship too and after being on this forum for years now I have gained courage to actually see myself leave. I have been taking steps to leave although for me it’s been difficult. I join own a home with him so it’s been hard. I don’t know your situation around housing ect but I’m here anytime and the others on this forum have helped me out massively. Reaching out to your local woman’s aid would help. It took me a very long time to do that but after I did I felt so much better. Xx

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Absolutely abuse does not have to be physical. The verbal can hurt just as much the control the gaslighting it messes with your head like nothing ever will I hope ur ok x

[Better-days]

Aw Arky123 I have been in your position it’s absolutely awful. I’m still with my partner too and going anywhere with him has my anxiety through the roof never knowing how he will treat me or what mood he will be in. I am dreading Christmas at my family I end up sitting with the kids in another room most of time as it’s too much. Please know that he is the one who should feel humiliated and not you. I know how hard it is when you feel like there is no way out but there always is. There is help on this forum or local authorities can help. reach out when u can and know that u are not alone xxx

[Better-days]

I hope you are ok. What youv done takes huge bravery so be proud that you have done this. I can’t imagine how u must be feeling. Like yourself there’s days I just cry thinking how on earth have I allowed myself to be here. Iv got great friends group I know they think im stupid for putting up with him if only they knew. No matter how many people you have close to u it’s still so lonely as no one understands unless they have been or are going through it. A day at a time hunni big hugs x

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Well done it takes great strength to so what you have done. I have tried hard to leave in the last few months but i get passes from puller to post with housing requirements. I hope u don’t mind me asking but is your house bought. We join own our house and everyone just seems to tell me I won’t be considered for local housing unless im in extreme danger emergency accommodation will be provided but as there is a housing crisis in my area that would be a hostel. I don’t want to go there with my kids. I hope 2025 can be the year I get out too. Xx

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I think when we go through episodes of calmness it plays on you even more tho because u know it dosnt last forever. It’s like still waiting for the bomb to drop.  I also need reassurance in everything I do, being stripped of our confidence is probably why. I’m having such a shit week too so ur not alone. I think your amazing and kind hearts don’t go unnoticed. Xxx

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Can relate about this my partner is the least compassionate person iv ever met. I hope ur ok nbumblebee sending hugs xx

[Better-days]

I can relate to so much about everything you’re saying and i definitely would say he’s most likely not mindful of what he says. I like u am mindful sometimes then like that other times see myself being a horrible person and it’s awful it messes with your head on another level.

just wanting to be treated with the respect we deserve is it too much to ask 🥺

[Better-days]

I understand exactly how u feel not trivial at all, for me all the small things make one huge thing. Reaching out will make u feel better even if u don’t leave. I reached out to woman’s aid and my local housing last year and I felt better I’m still in this relationship desperate to leave private let’s r too expensive and as I own my house joined I have been placed on a low category for housing and no houses have came available in that category. I feel so stuck at times it’s horrible. I hope u are feeling better xxx

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You’re right there’s never a good time. Well done for asking him to leave that takes huge bravery. I tried to leave a few years back and he lost it so if I ever leave I will just have to go when he’s not here then sort it all out. So I know most likely keeping my house won’t be an option I have reached out to social housing and basically as I’m a home owner it’s difficult to get a let. It’s all a mess. I hope things r better for u soon xxx

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Thank u so much for taking time to reply I will definitely do this. I did fill in a homelessness application and that when I was told a hostel or refuge would be my option and like yourself I can’t take my kids with me to a hostel and I think if I went to refuge I would have to give up work I have my own small  business and can’t give that up it’s my income. I will definitely call my local housing and speak to them about my situation thank u and very best of luck when the time comes we will all be behind u cheering u on although it will be the most hardest thing you will ever do it will be the best in the future. Xx

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And you do too we can get through it together xxx

[Better-days]

Ur right it’s So very sad I’m trying my best too to put on a brave face telling we one I love it when I actually dread it my kids r young so they keep my spirits up which good. D no no

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Same to u too thank u so very much x

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Thank u so much this means a lot. I’m trying to keep my spirits up x

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I totally get that I have never told anyone exactly what happens In my home. Has family won’t know the half of it u know the truth and that is all that matters hunni. My partners family will hate me when I leave I know that but I need to do it for myself. I can’t imagine what u are going through right now probably the most difficult time you will ever experience but it won’t last forever. I’m glad your house is now relaxed your kids home will be there safe heaven and they will be forever thankful that is all I want for my children.

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