ineedtosurvivethis

[ineedtosurvivethis]

He’s been reported. I’ve removed myself from.the situation and now he’s leaving messages via people that he needs me to help him.
Delusional. I’m in the dark at a friends. I dont want to talk to them I feel like I’m being judged to even talk about him because I know they are all thinking I told you so.
Thanks guys. I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life. The anger, the words and the actions is so much for Christmas. I’m exhausted by it all. I havent slept properly in months. My whole body is battered.i sound like such a whinging Minnie and after all this he is acting normal. I’m just so done with it all. Guys I’m so sorry for being such a nause. I’m utterly lost.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

I’m going through the same although he turns nasty when you give him what he wants. He sees this as a game dont give him the pleasure of going back or giving in. Start no contact with me, we can do it together and support. He knows you deserve better, you are strong dont give in.xxxx love to you x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

You are such a strong woman. See how far you have become. Its all a facade with him today. I know its hard but you have us all for support. Feel bad for the others with him behind closed doors. The mask will eventually slip. He isn’t that much good of an actor. Think of everything he did wrong. He is the problem.
You have us here. He has himself for a lifetime. How awful!! Merry Christmas sweets x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

I feel so alone. I dont know what else the police can do. He even rang up places today where he knew I would be. When I got there I got welcomed by them saying he had rung them up asking if I was there. Lucky for client confidentiality. I’m keeping below the radar. He is acting like this kind caring man to all and is a monster when its me. I havent encouraged any contact. I got a message last night from him saying he knew what time I had got back at mine and it was right on point the tine I had. I’ve recorded everything. Police aren’t concerned. In their view something has to happen first to me now for them to act. I seriously am at my wits end.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Oh sweets I do feel for you, I’m too kinda having the same thing, although ive made sure I will spend Christmas apart from him on my own (anything is better than having a pile of abuse for the day just to be in the company of people I don’t even want to be with!)
Doesn’t he ever just leave you? I’m afraid all abusers do this, they think the world revolves around them. Like the Truman Show with Jim Carrey, they think they are the main character and everyone should appease to them and do as they say, doesn’t matter what you want to do, already they haven’t thought like that.
He has no right to call you those names, they are demeaning and you don’t deserve it. I have been called the worst names recently and each time he says it, the burn and the sting doesn’t go. I am so sad to read you are sad. Can you stay with friends?? You don’t have to endure this alone, you don’t have to spend Christmas with him.
It will always be one sided, Ive found that however much we think there will be a change, this will always go on, it always has and it always will. I blame the parents.
You have plenty of support here from all of us going through something relatively the same.
You are not alone. x x x x x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you. Yes the Police are well aware. He is dangerous and he keeps saying its me!
What gets me is that he thinks this behaviour is normal????? He is going out of his way to brutally ruin me and then is nice to my face. I get so confused because I think he is going to change. But he won’t. When he is in this moods, it takes days, maybe weeks for him to come out of them. No contact is a no go, because he just will go to extreme lengths, he says the Police say its me and that they are supporting him, which I know is absolute tosh because they wouldn’t have referred him so quickly to MARAC. They don’t take things that lightly they saw the signs, they know he has unpredictable, dangerous moments. Ive tried no contact, he will do everything in his power to stop me from continuing it. WA has been a great comfort for so long, I don’t know what I would do without them right now. They understand that I have to keep him at least in the loop of a message so that he doesn’t go too far. I know what he is upto. Worst thing is that, he keeps posting cards and letters through my door saying its from people who are watching me at the moment. The penny kinda dropped when he told me weeks before that people are watching me from where I live who he gets ‘information’ from. Information I might add is completely untrue but he chooses to berate me for.
As for the Police they have been pretty good, but since the referral has been made they don’t have much involvement. I wish I could know what to do but I am confined to many things because he will just explode if I do anything else. Just sending a reply message at least makes me a bit more comfortable than him following me around or pushing stupid dumb letters through my door from other people.

I should know better than this. I’m so angry with myself for letting it get this far!
He acts so sweet in public, that people cannot believe he is this monster he truly is. I am getting a Dictaphone tomorrow so I can record any rants that he makes because when he does, its truly horrifying.
Thanks to you both. I need some confidence right now. I’m at a total loss of what to do.
xxxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Wow, what a complete CAD!
He doesn’t like to be alone, that is all it is. Eventually this girl will be experiencing the same things as you did. He won’t change, he will always be like this. She is a rebound to hurt you.
Let him get on with it, I know its totally heartbreaking but this is the response he wants.
I can’t believe he could resort to being so cruel, but these guys have no morals, no respect, no dignity.
Its a shame that he, because she is totally oblivious to it.
You can do this. You are a very strong woman.
xxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

oh sweetie, I am so sorry you are hurting. I am too, going through the same with my dreaded ‘X’.
You are not alone you have us here on the forum. Christmas is a time where its overrated by people, even the ones with loads around them at Christmas and New Year can still feel unhappy and alone.
I am staying on my own without him for Christmas and N.Y. you would probably feel worse off if you are going to spend it with him, when he could get drunk and be worse and something bad happening. Take it as your day to rest, its your Christmas too, do what makes you feel comfortable and happy and not with the conforms of what others want or expect.

You are incredibly strong, if you want to message me so we can help each other then please do.
I know its a difficult time, you will get through this. xxxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thanks chick. Yeh he’s been intouch again tonight. Saying its all me and that he was the one who put up with me and saying stuff that I felt I had to defend myself to. The guy is so n**********c and arrogant. I just felt so terrible speaking to him and taking what he said to me that afterwards I spoke to someone and read your post and thought… ‘wait a minute, its not me’ very good at manipulation.
You’re right. The more no contact the better. Leave him to deal with whatever. I cannot fight to defend myself anymore. He will keep on saying the stuff anyway, nothing I can do will stop that. Im so sorry you went through all of that. Sounds like you have gad a tough time of it too. Thank you for being so so kind to me. I cannot stress how its lifted me from the terrible downward spiral I was falling into an hour ago. Xxxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Sweetie. You are doing so well. I know its hard because I’m going through the same with mine. Dont give him the satisfaction. He is loving this! I’ve only realised that today with my ex. Nothing we can do for them to change! It will always be our fault and they will be the victim. Delete everything. I know its hard but its the best way. I’ve gotta re do no contact again from scratch so lets help each other on this one x x x you aren’t alone and you are not unlovable. He bloody is!!! X

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Hiya,
Thanks for replying, yes i blocked him off everything, the fact he has gone to even my enemies and befriended them was the icing on the cake really after everything he knows how i feel about that person he still went and did it.
i havent really done anything for him to act this way,the paranoia over SS being involved from me apparently reporting him when i didn’t and he has got it into his head just to do this to be nasty and regain control. i did nothing but love him and take his shit!!

he can do what he wants, you are right, his threats have been via telephone hence why i changed my number, left the village and went somewhere for a week or two. just to get my head clear. i dont expect anything less from him, but if im this terrible person hes making me out to be then why cant he just let it all go and walk away? surely he cannot be thinking of a reconciliation because i want nothing to do with him, im that strong now and especially after what he said about my dad with no remorse that he cannot possibly think that this is all going to be ok?

i just dont understand what his stupid brain is thinking doing all this stuff and the consequences he is going to get himself in. end of the day, nothing he does either good (never happens) or bad (always happens) will make me go back anymore.

whats done is done, he is more or less dead to me.

how did you cope with it all? thank you for responding. im trying to keep my head on the straight and narrow and be strong although i do have a few wobbles sometimes.

thank you for your kind support.
xxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Hey Maddog and others,
I am bearing up alright. I was at the brute brunt of his behaviour again, he is getting paranoid because I haven’t been intouch. Ive kept a diary, kept out of his way but he always seems to get a frightening message through to me. I am immune to all of this at the moment. He cannot say or do anything that will instil the fear into me again.
He is acting all nonchalant with everyone, still the loving man of the village where butter wouldn’t melt. But I know this façade will soon fade, he cannot endure more than two hours of good behaviour.
I’m still intouch with MARAC and the WA of where I live and they have noted everything down I have told them as I just need that back up. I have kept out of all the flying monkeys smears and just tried to get on with everything. Yes, its been tremendously hard and Ive cried so much but it had to only go this way because I was starting to lose myself and was most likely going to end up being buried somewhere because his meticulous planning and telling me was so insightful that he was thinking it. I know what he is capable of.
Sorry I haven’t been able to update, I have just been keeping a low profile, I can’t really do much at the moment with getting any attention, I just feel a little trapped but I guess its better than how trapped I was feeling before. There is no going back.
Even people at the gym are keeping an eye on me because they can see how fearful I am.
No contact has been the best way forward. I just want him to leave me alone now, I wish nothing for him but to get someone else and be happy because he was toxic when we were together.
I cannot thank you all enough for the love and support you have given to me. I would be lost without it all and probably back in the prison which he calls home.
I will update more if I can, I’m trying to keep a low down on any activity at the moment as I don’t know what he is capable of since he cannot get to me physically.
Love you all guys xx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you KIP I have to unleash on him in court now. He takes it too far I have to make sure its all final through the authorities and just make sure he’s kept at bay through restraining orders. I cant have anymore threats I can’t live my life in fear. Thank you for your strong words. You are right. I have to fight this through the courts and record everything.
Love to you x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

He said he will know if I go to the police and will kill me if anything like that is reported it will come straight at me. He’s very sly in that way. He’s been reported for weapons before and I got the blame. I’m stuck in that respect. X

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you that’s so kind to read. I’m frightened too. He just rings and rings my house phone and this other phone I’ve been given just to ring for evidence. I’m apparently a prostitute because I went out with friends. So anything I do is wrong. I dont care anymore. I’ve stayed away. He is on the point of doing something I can feel it. I have made sure I’m away and that’s.going to happen until I move. He keeps posting Christmas cards through my door from other people but its his writing telling me I’m being watched. He will get himself into trouble before coming anywhere near me. Thanks guys. I would be a mess if I didnt have your support xxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Aww (detail removed by moderator)
He is a monster belittling my dad who had cance. (detail removed by moderator) Everyone protected me last night. He knows he is losing. The best Christmas present is that I can ignore him today and onwards. No one says they are more important than my ‘dead dad’ so he words it. So my dad comes first dead or alive. That man will never be happy. Thank you. Love to you too xxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

I’m covertly moving in (month removed by moderator). Best thing ever to happen to me. I take everything he says seriously but at the moment I’ve done the best I can. The police are aware they will only do something if anything significant happens. They see me purely as an irritant. He’s a vile human being. I know that if we were together and on Xmas I would be more miserable than I am already. So its a good sign already of moving on. Merry Christmas guys and thanks for the support x x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

My ex loves my fear. I have spoken to the police they say they cant do an harassment order now until after Xmas and for that something has to remarkably happen. They have the messages they just don’t want to do anything. Yes, its that bad. As for self defence I know quite a bit. I have been out all morning too scared to go back.
Thank you for being so kind to me.
I dont know what to expect these next few days.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

He has guns and knives and other weapons. He is bigger than me, I’ve tried to get away from him before only to be pinned against something by my neck. I have recorded and screenshotted every message I have had.
Police dont care. They only care when the shit hits the fan and then the apologies start. They look atme with such distain that I don’t even feel like going to them. I’m just labelled as the lady hwo has an issue with her ex. Not really the best thing when its him who has the issue with me. They laughed off the burial in the wood comment and said he is a bully and really wouldn’t do that. I wonder If they would think like that if it was someone they loved who was scared and trying to get away from someone who is intentionally trying to harm them.
End of the day I’ve done my best.if anything else was to happen then I’ve tried.

I don’t think anyone can gauge the fear i have of this monster.
Thank you for being so lovely and supportive x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Hiya,
I have tried this with all around here, but after his huge smear campaign people will just think I am crazy like he has made me out to be. If I go around saying that stuff it will merely just clarify everything that he has said to make me look absolutely mental.
He isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he is very sly and cunning when it comes to things like this. I mean does he just wake up in the morning and think ‘ yes I am going to make her life hell today’. To meticulously think all this stuff up is just craziness in itself.

I know something bad is going to happen, I can feel how bloody tense things are at the moment.
Police don’t give a shit, they are only bothered about whether anything is happening physically, even the MARAC meeting said that the police haven’t done enough, they do have blood on their hands already and told me to just draw a line under it all with my ex and walk away (which I have done).
Thing is there are so many things here for it to be coercive control with the police, but they really just don’t care. To them, its only a statistic and they are only sorry when something does happen, its a sad sorry state of affairs when we look at these people to protect us and in reality they really don’t care.

I’m lost if truth be told.
x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Hello Lisa,
Thank you for the kind response. I tried to contact the Paladin but they say because of the increase of demand to them they are no longer taking in any other concerns until the new year. I felt extremely deflated by this but carried on. I have spoke to my local refuge and womens aid they are all supportive, they know I have to keep at minimum contact with him because he will just explode if I do anything else but ignore him. He went ballistic if I didn’t even send him an ‘I’m fine’ text throughout the day the other day.
I know the lengths he will go to if it goes to no contact indefinitely. I now have one phone dedicated to just his messages and calls so that they are logged and have another phone for family and friends. I have had to act like stealth with this, I need to be up and above my game before he strikes again.
I am extremely fearful about this whole burial thing, I think he knows its my biggest phobia. He says he has cleared out a part of his garden and pointed to under a random slab of a paving stone in the middle of his garden to show that is also a burial ground also for me, but this was a while ago. I think he wanted to see the fear in my face, he gets a kick out of it.

I will try my best to maintain my safety throughout the next couple of days. I worry constantly if anything has been tampered with my car, I must look crazy to all when I walk around checking it daily. But I don’t care.

I must say a huge thank you though for being so lovely. You don’t know how much you have helped me. It means a lot.
Hugs x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you all. I don’t think you know how much this all means. I cried at reading the lovely responses. I honestly have no clue what to do, I have done the best I can with support services and MARAC are involved, apparently I scored the highest score with it possible. He won’t leave me be whatever I do. The fact he rings places I am going to and I get told when I arrive is really humiliating and embarrassing. I seriously think he is doing this so I don’t go anywhere.
Even when I leave mine ( I know he has people watching me) he will try and call me just as I have left my street I am living on, people may think I am being paranoid but I don’t put anything past him.
When I last saw him he punched my leg, laughed and as I tried to get up he pushed me down and snarled (detail removed by moderator) and then that’s when the whole situation blew up.
I am on guard and have 999 on speed dial but it doesn’t make any difference to them, I seem more of a hindrance than anything else which makes me more despondent than anything else. I think because he hasn’t physically hurt me, a crime really hasn’t taken place.

He mocks my dead parents, he says I’m mentally ill. Even though it maybe a lonely Christmas this year (I feel crap for saying that being tearful)
I would rather go through that, than be with him verbally abusing me infront of the kids and family all Christmas.
Thanks guys, you have been so lovely to me. I just feel extremely nervous each day.
I also have tried to log things with womens aid on the helpline and on here in case anything was to happen. May sound over dramatic to some but to me, its some kind of solace and really does help me just to make sure some things are documented.
Even though its going to be a sombre Christmas, I just want to wish you guys a Merry Christmas and a heartfelt huge thank you.

xxxxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Yeh I noticed his lies weren’t starting to make sense and that even though he was quite happy to turn the finger on me about everything that went wrong. He would say that he hadn’t said such a thing and gaslight. Worst case scenario of a(detail removed by Moderator)! He can tell others what I am but deep down he knows he is the one full of lies. I now wake up thinking ‘oh my god! Why didn’t I see that?’ In the early hours of the morning and my tummy goes all anxious and sick. It truly is vile. I hope he is enjoying his reign because eventually people will get bored of it and there will be no smear campaign anymore.
Second day of re no contact and although is difficult this pain is something I would rather endure than him being next to me in bed. X x thanks chick for your kind words of support x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Yeh he lives that close and has basically turned everyone against me. I even fear that my car will be scratched or done something to with the hate campaign he has waged. Oh well. Yeh I’m thinking of moving but again will give him such glee! He even said (detail removed by Moderator) ago why did I bother coming back here after my break because its ruined everyone’s mood. Such a nice guy isn’t he?? 😉 how long did it take you to get over? Were you hoovered in?? I’m starting the gym tomorrow and yoga and then dance classes. I’m going to make the most of the time now to do the things he never allowed me to do! That’s more of a fuck you to him than parade with a nee love interest. Its the loss of control! Thank you xxxxxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

That’s really kind ladies. Made me cry a little! He’s got worse he will ring me have a go pht down the phone to make me feel bad and call back and I have just reached my limit. I was doing so well with no contact! Its had to restart again today but I cannot go on with this and him thinking what he is doing is right! He has practically ruined my life then blamed it on me! Apparently I go down in history as being the worst girlfriend ever! Even though two weeks ago he was begging me to marry him. And he says I’m the one who’s nuts!!!! Haha . Thank you guys It means a lot x x x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thanks sunflower. He keeps saying to me that I have to leave him alone! He keeps threatening ne to drop the reports to the police or else. I spoke to them and they are concerned he is trying to control again. I felt like a weight had been lifted tonight. He has caused so much uproar in my life and then blames me for causing trouble to his! I cant understand it! Definitely no contact. No nothing. As of what I have found out tonight. That guy is dead to me.
Thank you so much for being there xx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you. He has a kid with someone else (poor woman) and he was just as abusive to her but he lacks intelligence to see that it probably her doing the reporting. She has taken him to court various times this year and made his life hell but I somehow have got the blame for this sa referral?? Nothing to do with me. He’s thriving in the attention from us both trying to defend ourselves to him and I’ve given up. I’m not going to make myself look a mug next to her. He can think what he wants. He will still continue to smear campaign and make me look a bad person. I’m just so fed up with it. Thank you for being so kind to reply. I have been tearing my hair out constantly since. No contact is probably the best. Infact I know it is. I just have to be strong about it. I just hate how he weedles his way back into my life, causing destruction and then just trying to shut me down. I’m seriously done with it all. Plus he makes out he doesn’t care but he has plenty of vultures watching my every move! Its exhausting! He has actually made it very clear to people that I’m the one who’s nuts. If only they knew. .. But its gone too far now. Too far. X x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thanks my lovely. Its like a drug but with a nasty bitter, violent aftertaste.
It has to be powered through because all of this is wearing me out!!
Xxxx

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thanks sweets. I had to today. Two weeks and no contact and he was just screaming at me saying its all my fault and I deserve to die! I’m like…. Oh bugger off! Its getting way too much now! I’m actually bored of it. Bring on the next victim because this guy isn’t going to change!
Thanks for the kind words. Going completely NC back to the beginning now so yeh lesson learned today! I know I’m not crazy x

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you.
It just hurts really bad. I know what he is like. He would be out doing whatever with anyone just to give him that ego edge and he wouldn’t even like them it would just be revenge for me. I woke up in the night in a sweat, knowing something had happened. I cried, I hurt. But tried to get some sleep afterwards, because what’s done is done in my head. I just feel sorry for the next victim who gets sucked in. Im sorry you are hurting, you must be going through alot too. This whole charade of soldiering through without contact or needing them is extremely hard. But I know its for the best x x x x

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