Cantmakedecisons

[Cantmakedecisons]

Wow I just read your post and can relate totally!

I was too afraid to cry because it felt like if I did I wouldn’t stop and lose I would lose complete control. I think it’s a defence mechanism our bodies have to both save our energy for just surviving right now and save us from overwhelming grief.

As the others have said, take your time!

I eventually had some counselling which did help release the emotion slowly in a controlled way. She taught me coping mechanisms and breathing techniques to use when I started to become overwhelmed. In time maybe this is something that can help you?

[Cantmakedecisons]

He knows where I live and I move soon but he knows that too.

I think he must have some sort of tracker on me/car. I know I sound crazy when I say that.

I also know by saying his a good father I sound crazy. As part of me leaving I agreed joint custody. I’m ashamed and embarrassed about that but it was needed at the time to just be able to leave.

Apart from calling the police when I needed them albeit reluctantly and when he’s been arrested I haven’t been in contact with services. I was assigned a IDVA but not great.

Thanks TS

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks for responding.

Yes awful, I just don’t know what he’ll do next.

It wasn’t at a (detail removed by moderator) . Not sure on CCTV.

I thought I’d sorted it after a period of quietness. I left, he continued but stopped for a while and then it’s started again at another level.

I’m still in rented and financially it’s hard but emotionally it’s killing me. I had to leave the family home, the dog and all my things. I have shared custody with children.

I don’t have anyone close. My friends ans family know we’ve separated but the reasons to them remain unknown. It’s been made very clear I’m not to spill or things will get worse.

Just feeling very alone and exhausted.

[Cantmakedecisons]

In the early days I definitely just said yes to avoid being punished. Sometimes the punishment wouldn’t be physical, maybe silence for hours or days. I felt guilty not wanting to but as time went on and the more abusive he became I didn’t feel guilt or anything but fear. By the end he wanted me to say no, to resist and that’s what he enjoyed the most. I had no choice, not even a choice to take the punishment or not. He was going to have sex with me wether I liked it or not and the more terrified I was the more glee he had in his eyes.

[Cantmakedecisons]

Eggshells right back at ya!

I’m so pleased to read this post, I can sense the excitement for the news house and beginning. You’ve dealt with everything thrown at you with your head heals high. I know the dark says are hard, you’ve taught me how to deal with them too.

Keep smiling and thank you to you as well.x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Guys thanks but I feel there’s too much credit coming my way! It’s not been a pretty journey, I cried all my tears, kept quiet when I really should have accepted the alternative and even contemplated the worse..

I just needed you all to know that whatever your feeling or dealing with it’s possible to feel and deal with another way. It may take a few attempts and practice.

I see some light, I still feel the guilt and shame which I beginning to realise isn’t mine to hold but irrelevant where it comes from I feel it.

Ultimately my it’s our lives that be have to protect, even if there doesn’t seem much to live for. We have a right to breath, to live, to laugh and to build a happy future without fear.

Be yourselves (easier said than done)

[Cantmakedecisons]

Oh Eggshells I’m so sorry I knew you were very excited about this new potential position. It’s is totally unfair!

If you’re avoiding the house, are you keeping safe?

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thank you everyone. Feeling rather nervous 😟

[Cantmakedecisons]

My partner used cameras to monitor me. He would know if someone came into the house or if I have left to go someone.. he would often test me on his return to see if I was truthful. If you gut is telling you something isn’t right then it probably isn’t.

[Cantmakedecisons]

I did this after I left, I needed clarification and reassurance that he hadn’t hurt anyone else. The disclosure only told me what I already knew in relation to myself, as in what I had reported. I didn’t know if to be relived or sad. Was I the one that caused his actions etc etc.

His now starting to date other women and I worry for them! I often think maybe it was just me but in honesty maybe he scared so many that they didn’t feel comfortable reporting!? Either way I know that his a danger and me leaving was the best thing for me and my children.

Just because nothing comes back from asking. Don’t think that’s a reason to stay! There’s so many reasons why it’s not reported abs you feel scared or devalued then your gut instinct is right.. leave him, he doesn’t deserve you xxx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Hey well done for escaping, or at least saying enough is enough. I’m afraid that sometimes you have to reinforce that decision with other measures because he certainly will use anything and everything to maintain control over you. Did you get an occupation order, restraining order? Maybe speaking with woman’s aid can help you put some of those things in place.

You’re being fair with contact but know that he won’t be.. your a nice person and are replying on him being the same – his not!

You have to put you and your children first now and really send the message that he is not allowed or cannot control your lives.

Sending hugs and strength x

[Cantmakedecisons]

I can hear that you’re struggling and I’m not surprised it all sounds horrendous. I think it’s important for you to keep posting and to be amongst people that understand, because others just don’t get it.

You said you feel like your out of this world and weird feelings, I get that. When I’m struggling it feels like I’m not part of the world too, it’s almost as if how dare the world keeps turning when I’m going through this. It’s souls destroying and isolating. Know that your feelings are valid and are real, try and keep grounding yourself when you can.

You’re stronger than you realise. Keep posting x

[Cantmakedecisons]

You made me cry.. well done on such beautiful and truthful words.x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Never apologise for how you’re feeling, it’s real and it’s true. Keep posting for support x

[Cantmakedecisons]

PM’d you x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Welcome! This is absolutely abuse!!! And you shouldn’t and don’t have to put up with it. Have you tried reaching out to local services for advice and help? Or family?

I think the first thing for you is to realise that this isn’t right, you deserve to live in a happy, loving home and your situation sounds so toxic for you and your child.

Well done for posting and keep asking everyone on here for advice, it really helps.

Hugs

[Cantmakedecisons]

I’ve been reading through all the posts.

When I was doubting if I should leave or stay away I wrote myself a list to remind myself of the whys..

For all the times you’ve put me down.
For controlling every aspect of my life.
For all the friends I’ve lost trying to please you.
For all the tears I’ve shed.
For all the lies I’ve had to tell to protect you.
For the mental torture you put me through.
For the very first slap and when I should have left.
For the intimidation and manipulation.
For the split lip because I forgot to (detail removed by moderator).
For stopping me going to church.
For all the accusations.
For making me so lonely.
For making me believe I’m mad.
For scaring me.
For putting yourself before our kids.
For holding my (detail removed by moderator) until I begged you to stop.
For the footprint on my neck.
For all the pushes and kicks.
For the punches to the face.
For drugging me at (detail removed by moderator).
For the broken ribs.
For the broken toes.
For raping me in my new home.
For repeatedly raping me.
For all the bites.
For the time you tricked me in the car park and pushed and forced me in public.
For degrading me by the (detail removed by moderator).
For lying and saying you love me.
For the silence.
For the continuous threats.
For taking (detail removed by moderator) of my life.
For all the life long scars – physical/mental.
For all the broken promises to change.

Sometimes I go back to this and regroup to know where I am now and where I was then.

Although there was lots of physical stuff the absence of any kind of emotion was difficult. Days without communicating and even after just grunts or rudeness.

This is my abuser

[Cantmakedecisons]

I’m sorry if you’re scared right now, we’re here. Hold tight x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Oh yes! This was his favourite thing to do. It didn’t matter if it was in a group of friends or the supermarket, as long as the outcome was the same – humiliating me.

I hope you’re ok? Hope your head up x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks Iliketea.

I can’t believe I’m still here dealing with this shit. My mental health is rock bottom and it’s difficult to see a future.

[Cantmakedecisons]

What did the police do/say when you reported incidents to them? We’re they just logged or acted upon?

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thank you. I still have a younger child and I worry if the impact on them and my older children.

Can I ask you said “other emergency services called the police” what happened?

Also how do you report every breach? 101?

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thank you for responding.. do you have children? What was reporting really like?

I need my life back

[Cantmakedecisons]

I don’t know the difference between IDVA and an ISVA .. they have very similar roles I think

[Cantmakedecisons]

💕💕💕💕 thanks I needed to hear that xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Iliketea, thank you but your being way too kind. It was messy and horrible and I still not quite in control of my life but I’m out and it’s just going to take time to rebuild. It’s like learning to do everything from scratch, the freedom is overwhelming and daunting. I think I just need time, time to process and heal. I’ve never been an adult in this world without him so I’m not really sure what to do first. Xxx

[Cantmakedecisons]

I think when we’ve suffered like we have it’s natural to be on high alert and question everyone and their behaviours around us.

[Cantmakedecisons]

Absolutely

[Cantmakedecisons]

I think that’s why I put the post up, just so those ladies on here know that we’re here and we understand.

[Cantmakedecisons]

As you know Eggshells sometimes focusing on others and helping where you can is a good distraction from your own issues.

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