Karisqq

[Karisqq]

Abuse is tough because we always being made to feel that we deserve that, and it really takes time and courage to break the cycle, it is always unfortunate for ppl who has to experience that, and I always wish them can find their own way! Stay strong!

[Karisqq]

Have you seek professional help? This sounds like sth that professionals can help. There are times I dream of abuse and that environment, leaving me stressed and anxious, and also lonely, since seems no one understands, so I tend to do things I love that can relax my mind, such as having a good meal, listing to music, and it helps.

[Karisqq]

my parents have abusive patterns as well, and I used to always bullied by classmates and also got abused in university too, lots of time I struggle and don’t know whether I’m good enough, and whether I’m going to be okay in my future, it’s all scary. But for me, I try to write gratitude list everyday, and try to find my own voice through things I’m doing, through chasing my dreams and goals, and even through negative emotions like tears, anger and anxiety… it takes time, and it is tough, and occasionally it can get overwhelming, but when you’re at the middle of the storm, that means the storm is passing soon, it’s counting down!

[Karisqq]

Abuse is often like that, it’s with sweetness. But the sweetness can’t change the fact that he’s being abusive and inappropriate when he was drunk. Getting help is hard, it takes courage, don’t blame yourself for that, it’s normal to feel trap, hope you find your way out soon! X stay strong! And pls don’t worry about offending us, your voice is valid and valued.

[Karisqq]

I do feel that way, during the time when the abuse is intense, I’m very empty and have no energy to dress up, I just look so tired and ugly all the time and at that time I was on a trip, which I kind of regretted it since I barely took any good looking pictures. Everytime when I mention about that I just feel so angry that it was ruined by the abuser tho they think I’m the one who ruined it. I still can’t manage that anger, I hate them ruining it and my mood.

[Karisqq]

Hi good job On going to a holiday to recharge myself. It must be hard for you since you e tried your best to cheer yourself up but he set you back again. It’s okay, progress isn’t linear, and it’s ok to go back to old patterns sometimes. Just let yourself cry, don’t isolate yourself, and be kind to yourself. Tho it’s hard to not care how others think, you’re the most qualified person to love yourself.

[Karisqq]

I hate silent treatment too, bc its the way they tried to tell you that you have to make up the mess since its all your fault, and when you say sorry they will say some tough words again. I hate that feeling, its like you can do nth but apologise for sth you didn’t do wrong, since they just don’t listen to you all they want is an apology

[Karisqq]

When comes to leaving an abusive and closed relationship it’s very normal to doubt yourself or feel guilty, since you did try your best to maintain the relationships but things don’t workout. One thing I hate about abuse is that it’s always the victim who has to do all the hard work, such as to leave, or to cope with all the difficult feelings. Sometimes I even feel unfair bc I feel like abusers never get punished or struggled as much as we victims do. However, prob we will have to open the door and leave by ourselves, but its hard and its okay to take time. Just remember all are about processes and don’t be too hard on yourself. Be patient and kind to yourself. I hope you’ll find your way soon x

[Karisqq]

No matter what happened he shouldn’t use such an offensive slang. Remember, what he thinks or says are more about his feeling and his personality, but not you. You can’t control how he responses to things do you? Do you think it helps to write things down? To me it helps clearing my head and expressing my feelings. Leaving is hard and it’s ok that you think you’re not up that decision yet, just take your time and be kind to yourself. And you’ll know your way soon.

[Karisqq]

It can be very angry and feeling unfair when you see him seems so happy while you’re still struggling. But I guess it might be better to focus on yourself and your own healing first, since how he has been is none of your business. It’s okay to feel that way, but gradually it would be better to try switching the focus on yourself, and treat yourself well. You don’t have to compare your life with him, just focus on making yourself feel happy and peaceful and live in the way you like. Sending you loves x

[Karisqq]

I’m sorry to what have happened to you, and you guys have been strong to walk until now. I guess with disability it’s quite hard to speak up, bc you seems more vulnerable to the manipulation. As sb also live with disabilities (a mental one), I must admit it makes you a lot more vulnerable. For me, they attack my weak point and disabilities, saying that I’m a weirdo, and also that this is my brain’s shortcomings. Sometimes they treat me as sb with an incomplete brain, and to manipulate and make me feel like everything is my fault, and I’m there to hurt and consume them. They’re so haunting and it makes me feel suicidal sometimes.

Welcome to the forum, I hope you can find supports here! X

[Karisqq]

Hi things have been hard…but don’t force yourself to do anything, just go with the flow and follow your heart. Leaving is hard, so if you’re not ready yet have you considered reaching out to family and friends, so at least you’ve a supporting network which can make things easier. Human beings are interesting, we can’t stop loving then person even they hurt us badly, but it’s okay, it’s okay to struggle and feel sad. Just be patient and find your own way, you’ll be fine, dont be hard to yourself. my dm is open if you want to chat x

[Karisqq]

It’s such a painful realise right, and it takes time. The process is tough, but glad that it’s moving forward. Well done on holding on and taking care your kids despite hardships. Cheer yourself up with sth you like to do and eat, and meanwhile it may help to connect with other survivors and read sth more about abuse and prepare your next move. Pls remember that you’re not alone x

[Karisqq]

When it comes to abuse it’s always the victim’s fault in the abuser’s eyes. It’s the victim’s fault to leave; its’s the victim doesn’t understand the abuser, it’s the victim who destroyed the family by leaving…anything. They will never admit their mistakes and even if they do, they’ll also make you partly responsible. Therefore, trust yourself, trust your guts feeling, trust your heart and you’ll know your way. Hope you can get away from him soon x

[Karisqq]

Hi I’m glad that things have been better, how have you been?

[Karisqq]

Hey I’m sorry to what is going on. Abuse doesn’t always have to be physical. Sex without consent, limiting you from meeting frds and family, not taking care your kids properly as the “punishment” of you going out, slam door when you voice out things…these are certainly mental abuse and it’s normal that you feel wrong. For now seems the only way to make things peaceful is that you absolutely obey him, and that’s what he wants. If you don’t, he makes your life difficult by various methods, which means he’s trying to control you and make you do what he wants (since everyone wants to have a peaceful life and we may do it for kids’ sake).

Read more intonations about abuse through social media or internet may help, since they tell you what abuse is and how you can cope with it. Survivors also share on various social media and forum, such as the forum we’re using now, and you’ll know more about abuse and also you will find yourself less alone since we all share some common feelings in the abuse we face.

Welcome to the forum, and keep posting, I hope you’ll find your own way soon.

[Karisqq]

Hey well done on leaving. Things have been hard and you have been strong. Resiliency and strength are not on off button and these will be built through time, so you will certainly have such strength.

For me I also question my decision on moving away a lot, since I know they’re not completely bad ppl, but I know I have to be responsible for my mental health and life path, so I have to do what’s good for me.

When you doubt yourself,  think about yourself, and your loved one, and see what’s good for them. You’ll know you have made the right choice.

It’s normal to cry over it when you leave, since you really have invested in this relationship. Acceptance and patience are important here, accept that you’re going to feel that way and wait it pass patiently, it will past, feelings come and go. Be kind to yourself x

[Karisqq]

I’m sorry that things are hard. It’s normal that you miss him and feel like a failure since you did invest in the relationship. It’s frustrating when it doesn’t work after huge investment, but it’s okay, things just do not work out all the time, and it’s okay, it’s okay to feel sad, it’s okay to fail. Accept your emotions, give yourself a break since you have gone through too much, and be patient with yourself, all will past and everything will be alright, truly.

[Karisqq]

Hey dear sorry that things have been hard, and I can see you’re trying your best to maintain this relationship and wanna have some peaceful time with him. It’s tough when he twisted your words or trying to control what you’re doing and who you’re talking to. But remember, you know the truth, and the truth is the truth, no matter whether he believes in it. You don’t need his approval to be an amazing woman.

[Karisqq]

Yes, it can be hard even when you have left, what happened, happened, and traumas are always in your mind. For me, I tried to feel more controlled by reading self help old and listening to music I love. When you control what you can, such as what you do, it helps you to gain the sense of control. Professionals and supportive ppl help too. Just dont give up and continue reaching out and do what you can. accept that you’re going to feel bad sometimes, and wait it pass and it will. Be patient and kind to yourself.

[Karisqq]

Yes depression sucks it’s like the only way is to do what you like but it can be hard to go away and do Sth when you’re not feeling good or when your abuser is here to stop you from doing that.

Looking into different books, forums, social media about survivor’s sharing. For me, sharing my experiences through these platforms and meet some ppl there help, since seems only they can bear my emotions and thoughts, and I feel lighter after sharing to like minded ppl.

I am also struggling with bipolar, and I’m finding ways to deal with both my mania and my depression in it, it’s torturing, but it will be fine, I know. And I’m sure you’ll too, you’ll find your own way too.

[Karisqq]

I’m sorry that’s your weekend. Yes it seems very anxious since you always have to prepare for his “surprise”, and whenever it happens it’s like a battle you got to control yourself and solve the mess after that. It’s so annoying when he accused you things that is not true, bc you hardly can explain since he means to make you feel like you can’t verbalise yourself. Since he is not being logical, so you can’t explain with logics. Not expecting them to be logical and reasonable might help since you won’t be disappointed by his unreasonable words.

He may be blaming you, but you don’t have to blame yourself. You can feel angry and upset, but don’t put all the blame on yourself. Remember you have tried your best. X

[Karisqq]

Hey welcome to the forum. Firstly, well done on leaving the relationship and getting along with life!

Indeed, retrieving those memories are painful especially when you suddenly realise how unfair and abusive he was, and you may feel sorry for what you’ve experiences. For me, I try accepting what had happened, and to release my emotions with appropriate ways. I tried to accept that I’m going to feel awful from time to time, accept that I cannot change the past, and hold on hope and believe everything will past and things will be better. It is a very difficult process requires patience and kindness, so I’ll also accept that I will fail sometimes.

Hopefully you feel more connected and less alone in this forum, once again welcome to the forum. Personally I find talking to ppl here, through the forum, is quieter helpful, since you know you’re not alone and its normal to. Struggle. Sending you lots of love x

[Karisqq]

Yes I have it too, like when I have come across some of the most traumatic abusive experiences, and when I try talking about them I doubt myself and think about all the good stuff then I blame myself for “complaining the ppl who cared about me”. It’s terrible, but I just tell myself constantly that the good bit can’t cancel out the abuse or the impact of it. You’re certainly not alone, pls be kind and trust yourself.

[Karisqq]

Hey it must be hard but glad that you have pushed through, well done! Life has been tough but you have been strong and optimistic! Good luck with the custody thing, I hope you will get an outcome which suits you and your daughter the most.

[Karisqq]

Abusers always try to defend their behaviours so that they can continue controlling you. But you have to be very clear that you’re not ok with that. I think the way to tell sb and remind yourself that it’s not ok is to be assertive and clear about the impact of his behaviours on you, since that’s your relationship, if you don’t feel okay, it isn’t. No one can force you to accept something you can’t. It may be hard at first, but don’t let it put you down from trying.

[Karisqq]

I got this, it’s like, sometimes you feel stupid about that, since you can’t feel happy. But it’s a process, and it’s normal to have ups and downs, you feel sad bc you did tried your best in the relationship. We feel sad and frustrated when we failed in Sth we have put lots of effort on. Have you considered therapy or building a supporting network? It helps you to learn how to cope with those nasty feelings. Also, acceptance and patience are important to me, like for me, I find accepting what has happened and wait it past patiently help. Meanwhile, I talk to ppl and do things that I like. Be kind to yourself x

[Karisqq]

I got you, having emotionally abusive parents and studied in a dysfunctional secondary school make me not know how to set boundaries and what healthy relationship is, which makes me keep facing boundary crossing and abuse outside closed relationships as well. Luckily gradually I found that those are unhealthy, and they’re wrong, and gradually learning to deal and cope and heal. It’s tough, and it takes time, but with persistence, you’ll get there.

[Karisqq]

He may not be truly happy but trying to make himself look happy in the social media. We all have our own pace and process, just continue be kind and patient to yourself, and accept the ups and downs, you got our back here x

[Karisqq]

I always wonder whether they’re truly displeased or they just use it as a tool to manipulate us. The thing is we all know it isn’t our faults, but we just can’t help but feeling anxious and guilty when they’re displeased or unreasonable. Sometimes I also feel like I have had enough emotional outbursts or panic attack due to that.

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