Ladyglittersparkles

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Firstly take a deep breath.
Then another.

Take each hour by hour.
Be in the moment.

It’ll get easier. Stay grounded.
Find healthy distractions and coping mechanisms.

You’ll have good and bad days.

Try and get a little project on the go to give you focus.

I feel I’ve spent time moving forward, but almost feels like lost time.walks

Find your happy.

Whether that’s running, beach walks, time spent with family-friends, reach out to family and friends, co workers.

Our exes made us believe they’re our world, our focus has to shift.
But to happier and more positive situations.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Enjoy your sanctuary of calm x 😊

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I am too,
Weird dreams. Some nightmares. But I feel tired when I wake.
Or I’ll fall asleep for 3 hours. Wake around 1 or 2 am. Puzzling over the weird dream.

I am feeling stressed and unsettled at mo. But looking forward to things settling.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Thanks Lisa and fizzylem.

I did cut her out of the loop.

So for a long time I’ve been dropping off and picking up to totally avoid my house. My safe place.
So made my boundaries clear about home. over time we tried shops but ex didn’t like that. But drop off is ok as long as he doesn’t cancel, try for other days. Gets into a tantrum if not to his liking.

I could go down court route. For agreed times. And a non mol. But this feels like a huge ordeal to go through.
Providing evidence, texts, statements.

Really upset he came to my partners house.
Was my safe place, he didn’t know here.
My partner has children and would of been very upsetting for them to see. My child is almost used to his dad’s behaviour. But partners children would of been frightened at his aggressive tone and foul language and refusal to go away.

I feel back on fight or flight mode.
I’m embarrassed he went to my partners.

I want him to keep away. I don’t want his outbursts to de stabilize me.
I’m creating a happy life.

He needs to stick to agreed days and times.
I’m feeling deflated and exhausted

Everyone says go through court. Set times, no direct contact to avoid conflict. And he won’t be free to turn up or theaten to turn up at either of our homes.

Just going to court seems too much. He’s gone quiet now and sticking to times. I’ve blocked him from contacting my phone. Son has a burner phone that his dad calls him on. So there’s still contact for those two.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Morning all,
Still out and building a life of relative freedom.

Ex has been consistently abusive, but lately his verbal assaults have gotten worse. Even found out my partners address and turned up there hollering abuse.

Police were called.

I wondered how older lady was? Does anyone know if things for better for her?

Been a while since I posted or even logged on.it

Many years free now, lots of progress made.
But still being controlled by his anger in some ways. Some ways not free

[Ladyglittersparkles]

A friend got me a card with that same quote.

I can relate to you iwillbeok.
I feel much stronger. Things I couldn’t handle previously are manageable now. Progress I feel its called. I need to continue working on my self development and strength. Keeping my boundaries and clarity of thought

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Here’s to creative therapy!
Ive got a fab project that’s coming along well.
A tiny campervan. Reupholstering all seating. Re carpeting. Painting inside. So many craft ideas. Its something I’ve always wanted to do. Its been a huge part of my healing.
I’ve dreams of sunset beach views. Reading a book or more crafting. Candlelit yoga by the sea.
I feel I’m working through my issues and working towards freedom.adventure.
Creativity nourishes my soul. I feel free spirited

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I think there’s some men who are attracted to the rabbit caught in the headlight look.
Some men are put off by it.

Your guard is up and rightly so. You’ve been through a traumatic experience. And your doing something that’s a big step for anyone. Moving is not easy.
I was a rabbit in the headlights for a long time.
I still have moments, as apposed to days or weeks of it now.

It’ll take time to heal. Recover.

I’m steering clear of all outsiders till I’m more emotionally resilient.
And do things to aid my healing process.
I’ve friends and family for support.
I suggest you welcome your support network round with open arms.
Feeling safe and secure is priority. Do what you feel is needed to attain it

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I was about to Pinterest self discovery/love and thought I’d take a moment to read the posts.
Very apt timing to read your beautiful uplifting post!
Sending happiness and positivity your way!

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Wow impressive stuff Serenity!

I pop in from time to time and read peoples posts.
And its great to see your strong.
Your words and strength definatly have helped me and no doubt help others.

Sending happy thoughts to you xx

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I’m enjoying reading your positive posts sunshine rain flower!
I think I share similar likes to you.
I too went collecting pine cones/acorn’s. Ahh I do love a brisk forest walk. To then stop and collect Forrest treasure and spot the squirrels and birds!
My little one is so at ease in the outdoors. Well be using our foraged goods for Christmas decorations!
Have a great weekend.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Very positive post.
Gratitude is a beautiful quality in someone.
I’ve been very fortunate lately. Its reassuring good things happen!
Not just good but amazing!
This is what gets me through the darker times.
Makes me appreciate moments all the more.
I bet your home is feeling like a good place to be 🙂

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Womens aid sewing group! I’d read the posts!
Positive outlet 🙂

My bobbing mechanism is out of line so keeps snapping needles 🙁

I’ve recently joined the freedom program and while I’m much mentally and emotionally stronger now, the classes bring up memories good and bad. I’m not sure if its coming to terms and addressing the past or just dwelling and remembering unnecessary moments.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

You can’t ignore your intuition.
It’ll only get louder if you don’t listen to it.
He’s making you feel uncomfortable by his behavior.
I don’t know your situation or how long you’ve been dating him but sounds quite intense
I’m sure there’s aspects that are good. But I think you’ve already made your mind up.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Its still early days since your breakup.
Lots of adjusting and coming to terms.
They’ll be ups and downs.
I just saw another of your posts in positive moments.
You said how at peace you felt. How your feeling more resilient.
Your home is becoming your safe peaceful place.
Hold on to those moments. They will return.
We all have wobbles along the way.
Self care and love in times of stress.
Eat well.
I’d recommend no contact and arrange drops through grandparents or another trusted family member.

I fell asleep putting little one to bed so I’m awake but enjoying the quiet. Reading.googling.pintresting craft and yummy food.
Stay positive.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

They most definitely do not change.

I hope your well.
You sound strong and prepared.
Hope your practising self care

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Just wanted to show support.

Although I’m a long time out. I would suggest neutral drop pick up point if he’s hostile.
But hope there are no issues when he returns your daughter.
I hate drop days. Today is one and I feel sick.
I’m so worn out. Tired of being strong. Putting up a front.
Even with my mum present doesn’t stop his hateful insults,vicious words.
I need to snap out of this mood I’m in. Its lasting weeks.

Its so soon he’s left. I’m sure everything is so emotionally raw for you.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Update.
She dropped my boy home and sure enough he was home on time.
After years of being ignored and invalidated with my decisions this one was listened too.
I gave an option of when they can have him out late.
So that they can see I’m negotiable. I’m only thinking of my sons best interests.
So for now I feel validated. I’m his mum. I make decisions.
I’ve been swimming this morning and had scrambled eggs.
Will do some gardening and walk the dogs.
I really had a difficult time with being strong with my opinion.
Being assertive is something I wasn’t allowed to be.
I feel shell shocked. As so many feelings came rushing back.I found it hard to communicate.
I need to find my inner strength again as for some reason it crept up on me and I’ve had a wobbly week or so.
Thanks to all those who read and posted.
You don’t realise how much strength you ladies give me.
Hope you all have a good day x

[Ladyglittersparkles]

*hand overs
Clearly not hangovers! Well that made me smile at least!

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Hi kip.
Your bang on.
I didn’t see it.
I’ve not stopped shaking.feeling sick.unable to eat.
Its triggering me.
I’m having a bad few days.
But I have to remember I’m out of the relationship.
I’ve stuck to the agreed set days.I’ve said no later than** on playschool nights.if he doesnt eat there. It used to be **pm.but slowly its getting later.I draw the line at **pm (times removed by moderator).
Nothing else has changed.
They still have all day on a weekend.
If my ex is too late on his set days not my issue.
Court prob wouldnt grant this much access or flexibility.
I’m trying too be fair. But maybe my triggers are blurring my perspective.
I need distance from it all. Or at least smooth hangovers.
Im keeping busy.seeing friends and family. But my anxieties are all there. Its like Ive gone back in time mentally.
Where has my confidence and strength gone? More importantly when will it return again?

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I’m really appreciative of all your replies.
Its all of your comments I relate too.
I said I’d look into alternatives and get back to them as I’m not happy. And just didn’t reply anymore.
I am always fearful of poking the bear.
Trying to gain strength and boundaries is so hard when its chipped at. Even after its ended.
I’m feeling so deflated. Exhausted.
Today is another contact day so let’s see if I get a text and what time he’s bought home.
Court seems pointless. I’d go all through the stress still only to face them.
I will have to start saying not today he’s exhausted when he’s strung out.
but if they get there own way I’m left alone and there happy.
However after saying I’d look into it they did leave me alone. Although I was sick and sleepless out of anxiety.
Acting brave wipes me out.

I do keep a log of incidents by the way.

Older Lady have you got any survival tips? To avoid feeling so worn down?
Its good your angry shows you’ve got fight in you. My anger seems to of bolted.
Why are you feeling angry and frustrated?

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I’m (detail removed by moderator) out. But still feel like I’m treading water at times.
Your situation wasn’t to dissimilar to what I feel I’m going through now.
We tried to be civil few months back for our son. Was much better but soon he used each opportunity of contact to manipulate and when I pulled back he was so verbally abusive all over again. So gone bk to no contact.
Im like you in the fact I’ve no interest in any men.
I wish and hoped in time he’d change. but he won’t.
I feel there’s no escape from him as he continues his contact with little one.
I’m feeling really low at mo. Just feel crushed and sick that although out I just feel circled by sharks.
I’m awaiting on the freedom program I hope that’ll help.

Your post gives me strength tho as you are still standing strong. I want to be strong
Well done to you x

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I feel so worn down about this.
It just keeps escalating.

I only want set times so there’s minimal contact.

We talk most days at mo. Its too much too full on.
She’s suggested if I’m so fussed about him being home for dinner then they’ll have him after dinner.
Just doesn’t seem rational or fair on a toddler to be shipped out. And me to collect around bed time or later? Seems laughable to me to suggest that.

I keep repeating once he’s content to eat at theirs then it won’t be an issue. Just don’t bring him back starving and shattered? I’m not changing set days.he sees him most days. Just it now is too much for him.
I’d like to have me time don’t get me wrong. Just not to the detriment of my child.
Ive always felt visits too many.
But been bullied into keeping it the same.
But its too much now with nursery. Feel we need structure. But cant see a way out.feel like I have to keep doing as they say.
Otherwise I have the entire family to answer to.
I feel like there’s no support and I just have to keep ferrying my son around at their beck and call.
When this entire situation makes me shake.
I feel so drained and anxious

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Just wanted to show support.
Happiness and healing to you

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Serenity your inspirational!
Wonder woman!

Teach me all you know you seem to have masses of inner strength!

[Ladyglittersparkles]

What an interesting read.
Maybe we are naturally curious women that find they’re behaviour interesting/curious.
So we live in hope they’ll see reason. Maybe it seemed adventurous at first but then the threat took over.
I do wonder what abusive men’s upbringings were like?
Is there some maternal craving that is unhinged?

My ex had a financially privileged childhood compared to me.
But my parents are still together and I had a beautiful upbringing.
His dad was imprisoned and his mum had to care for the young children. Run a home. Business.till he was released many years later.
I feel he had lack of love but an abundance of material possessions/holidays etc. Which continues today.
Nurture coming into play?
But like others although we can surmise, I thank my lucky stars I’m not in the relationship any more.
I do think behaviour breeds behaviour so what you see growing up becomes the norm.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I think its part of the process of creating distance and coming to terms with the realisation of what they’re like.
I done the same few months back.
I quickly resumed no contact. There behaviour is not acceptable. We see the red flags and act on it.
Let’s be grateful we can see the warning signs. Were getting more confident and assertive in saying hell no! Not putting up with any of this!
I’m thankful my home is mine. I feel safe and at peace

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I agree with the above.
Change Locks.
Your in the process of finding strength to do this.
Bag his things up and take it to his mums.make her aware.although I dare say she’s aware what her son is like.
She raised him.

keep yourself safe and your son.

[Ladyglittersparkles]

Snap.
It is unsettling me.
I hate this anxious feeling

[Ladyglittersparkles]

I think once out of a relationship you can feel isolated and lonely. After such volatile atmosphere things can seem eerily quiet.
I’d say be guarded. Steer clear of forming bonds with any men till your stronger and ready.
Stick to your friends and family. You thought he seemed a jerk so you backed off. No problem with that. Its your life and you get to decide who’s a jerk or not! Trust your instincts
X

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