Littlepixie

[Littlepixie]

If I was you I would try & speak to a solicitor. I had an appointment with one last week & he was brilliant and gave me good advice. I’ve not left yet but have a house to rent once I pluck up the courage to tell him & leave. The solicitor said if I’d have contacted him weeks ago he could have applied for an order to get him out of the house (police had been at our house.) I wish I’d have picked the phone up to him weeks ago but I was so scared to go onto that stage.
If you’re in UC you should get legal aid. I work full time but I’m on a low wage & have just applied for UC for the first time so my solicitor said it’ll be free. Good Lucy & keep yourself & the wee one safe xx

[Littlepixie]

Sending hugs. I feel the same. I’ve found a house to rent, have been slowly getting some furniture into it. I’ve still so much to do & I now have to tell him I’m leaving. I’m just so drained & tired I feel like forgetting about it all & staying here. I’ve been to see a solicitor for advice & I know as soon as I tell him he’ll come straight home. He’s works away a lot so I’m being a coward & either phoning or texting him. I can’t tell him to his face because I know he’ll stop our son & I’m frightened he’ll lose his temper. Even when I leave most household bills are in my name so I have to contact them and let them know I’m not at the address. I know this will be a fight as he’s always said he’ll take our son. I don’t have the energy left to fight him xx

[Littlepixie]

I understand how you feel. I’ve been living like this for years. When I resigned into this account I found a post I wrote 5 years ago & it made me cry.
It all came to a head a few weeks ago when someone called the police to my house. That was the final straw for me. He was extremely abusive to our daughter & smashed a door in. I am now trying to find somewhere to rent with my 2 teenagers. Our son adores his Dad but our daughter hates him. She’s now going to counselling through school. I always said that if it was just me & her I’d have left years ago. I’ve messed up her childhood & I will never forgive myself for that. My son at times talks to me exactly the way his Dad does & I need to break the cycle. The men in his family seem to have a problem with women.
I’m feeling really down today because every house I look at has so many others looking at it.
My salary is very low & I will get UC but it’s making me do cross that he’ll be sitting not worrying about money while I’ll be watching every penny. My monthly salary is what he can almost earn in a week.
I can’t give up now though. I have to keep going. Keep posting x

[Littlepixie]

Thank you for your replies.
I’m hesitant to prosecute him.
I don’t want to get his back up more than what it will be when I eventually leave.
I just don’t know what to say weeks later & will they take me seriously.

[Littlepixie]

It takes time. I’ve been wanting to leave my husband for years but the threats he made and the fact he is the main earner frightened me into staying. I have now started plans to leave. I’ve been in touch with WA, housing and UC. I’ve been to see a few rentals but unfortunately I haven’t got them. All I can say is if you have children it’s probably best to leave when they are younger. I wish I’d have done it years ago.
Keep posting and even start looking at what you would be entitled too. I had no idea that I could get help with housing etc

[Littlepixie]

I know how you feel. I keep questioning myself. Did I cause this, should I just speak to him (haven’t spoke to him in a few weeks), should I stay because my son will miss him or may choose to live with him which will not only break my heart but I’ll be worried sick. He has been verbally abusive to my son and threatened him on numerous occasions but now is acting Dad of the year.
I constantly feel sick when he’s here & I don’t sleep properly. We’re (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m dreading it. I don’t even feel comfortable being in the same room but I need to make dinner for our son otherwise that’ll be something he’ll say to him. Another reason why I desperately want to stay somewhere else while he’s here but I know he’ll say to our son that I’ve abandoned him. My daughter won’t stay here at all when he’s here so I’m torn between them.
Hope you get through today. Holidays are the worst. I dread Christmas every year xx

[Littlepixie]

I’ve had this for years from my husband. Putting me down, calling me a fat s***, coming in from work & complaining the mess yet it’s ok for his stuff to sit around for weeks on end.
My children are now teenagers but even back when they were babies I did everything. It can be fine for a few months then it starts again.
If you’re unhappy I’d try and get yourself ready to leave him. I regret leaving it so long & now my kids have grown up in a toxic environment. My son will break his heart when I do get a place for us because he idolises his Dad but I do think he can see how bad it is that I don’t want to go downstairs when he’s here.
There’s so much support out there that I knew nothing about.
Contact your local WA. I now have a support worker who I chat to on the phone & the lady at housing executive was so helpful too.
I’m the world’s worst person at asking people & I hate being a burden. My close work colleagues who I have told have been fantastic.
Sending love x

[Littlepixie]

Oh I know. (detail removed by moderator) Unfortunately I need to keep it to myself at the moment because I don’t want my son knowing I looked at his messages. My husband is very good at playing mr fantastic & I know he’s already been bad mouthing me to people we both know. I just wish I was out of here. I’m really struggling to get somewhere to rent. Hardly any houses & because I’m on a low salary what landlord would want me, a single parent with 2 kids.
Some days I feel like ending it but I can’t leave my kids behind especially my daughter. She needs me xx

[Littlepixie]

Sounds like my son. I’m in the process of trying to leave my husband. I would have walked away years ago if it was just me and my daughter. My husband has always said he’ll fight me for our son and I’ll lose him and my daughter will lose her brother. I know my son loves me but I know that his dad will guilt trip him into staying. I feel torn as my daughter refuses to stay her when her dad is here. She said that he needs to learn but I know no matter how much his dad shouts at him etc he’ll always forgive him. I’m the one leaving the house as he will never leave which makes it harder because I’m taking his son out of the only home he’s ever had. I constantly feel sick, can’t sleep and only for my daughter I’d probably just stay and live with it. Sending love ❤️

[Littlepixie]

I’m in the process of trying to leave my husband and it’s always been the money and somewhere to live that has kept me with him. I work full time but only (detail removed by Moderator) so get paid over (detail removed by Moderator). I have 2 kids to support to. I contacted women’s aid and citizens advice about universal credit and what i may be entitled too. My women’s aid support worker told me to apply for UC now as a single parent. I have a telephone interview on Friday. I’m feeling really deflated though as I can’t find a house. WA told me to contact housing executive so I’m meeting them tomorrow. The future really scares me and I feel such a bad mum for doing this on my kids and especially having to leave the only home they have known. I kept questioning myself if I’m doing the right thing but my daughter will not stay her when her dad is here.
I also need to get a car somehow as I need it for getting to work.
I know that things will be so tight and they’ll be not be as many treats or takeaways at weekends but I’ll not be sitting on eggshells every time he’s here

[Littlepixie]

I’m kind of in a similar situation as you. My husband is verbally abusive but he’s never hit me. He did hit the phone out of my hand when I threatened to call the police. He smashed a door in my house a few weeks ago & was very aggressive with our daughter who now refuses to be in the house.
I am trying to find a rental property & have been on with women’s aid & citizens advice. My WA support worker advised me to apply for single person universal credit which I did yesterday.
I have doubted myself so much and I’ve been called cold, fat, unloving etc. I found an old post I made on this forum from almost 5 yrs ago. It made me cry because nothing has changed but I was too scared. I’ve been told by him numerous times that he will keep my son but I have to be brave now & just hope that my son will see what he’s doing. If you haven’t already please contact your local women’s aid. Even just talking helped me xx

[Littlepixie]

Oh I’m in exactly the same situation. My husband is so good at charming people & making himself look good. He’s a Christian (as am I although very lapsed) and he’s on Twitter tweeting stuff about the Bible. He helped out with my son’s (detail removed by Moderator) team & they all thing he’s fabulous. If I say anything about his attitude or behaviour towards our kids they laugh it off & say things like oh they’re so hard on their own. No one seems to understand what he is like behind closed doors. After (detail removed by Moderator) where he left myself & my daughter very scared i am getting organised to try & leave him and I hope my son will see it and come too. I know he’ll be badmouthing me & blaming me for breaking up the family but I have put up with it so long I don’t care now.
I have been doubting myself all day but reading these have helped x

[Littlepixie]

Husband downstairs, son in his room on PS4, daughter in her room on her iPad & I’ve been in my bedroom since 7pm. Hate this life. This isn’t what family is supposed to be. Just want to get to sleep & wake up out of this nightmare. We haven’t spoke properly in (detail removed by moderator) days over an argument where I finally told him a few home truths but of course it was all twisted back onto me. I can’t leave him because he says our son will stay with him & I’ve nowhere to go anyway. Sorry for hijacking this thread & going on. Happy new year xx

[Littlepixie]

Thank you.

My daughter just told me (detail removed by moderator) he spoke to my son and said that I was trying to get in with him! Seriously? Imagine a grown man saying that to a child? I was with a friend at the time and she heard it too. I told her about some of the stuff he’s said in the past and she told me to speak to someone.

Would my daughter be able to speak up about what she’s heard and how she’s been spoken too? Just thinking about proof as I know if i ever get my strength to leave him then he will fight me for our son. I’m so scared of breaking the family up. I really want to speak to my parents too but they’ll go mad and say something to him which will make it worse in the long run.

He’s heading out later so going to try and contact women’s aid and get an appt for next week xx

[Littlepixie]

Thank you both.

He doesn’t control finances. I’m the one who deals with bills etc because he’s not very good with stuff like that. We have a joint bank account but I opened up my own a couple of years ago when I changed jobs. He wasn’t happy about and actually brought it up the other night.

We haven’t had sex in over a year. I always tried to avoid it the last few years and a lot of the time he falls asleep on the sofa and because he’s not here much so that’s a blessing. He did say a few months ago in an argument that I was too fat. I’ve put a lot of weight recently through not being not happy.

I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been wanting to get out for a long time but I’ve no money & nowhere to go and why should my children have to leave their home for him? I’m scared that he’ll turn everything around and people will blame me. I have barely spoke to him since (detail removed by moderator) and neither has my daughter. We have a few mutual friends and I dread to think what he’s saying to them. Am I right not to speak to him? Feel like he’ll use that against me too. Some days I feel like getting in my car and just driving until I reach a wall or bridge. My kids are the only thing stopping me. If it was just me & my daughter it would be easier but my son worships the ground he walks on.

I’m going to try and contact women’s aid this week or next.

Thank you all, I cried reading the replies xx

[Littlepixie]

Sorry I haven’t been on here. Spoke to the solicitor who said I can tell him anyway I want it. I’m not a prisoner and it doesn’t have to be face to face. I don’t even know if I could do a phone call. We haven’t spoke in 2 months so it would be very awkward to just pick up the phone and tell him. I know if he starts shouting I can just hang up but the thought of doing any of this makes me feel sick. Even texting him & him texting me back is giving me anxiety. I just want it to be over. Hope you’re doing ok? xx

[Littlepixie]

I can’t just leave without telling him because he’s always in contact with my son when he’s away. I can’t have my son lying to his dad about where he is. My son worships his dad and I have to try and make this as easy as possible for him.
I don’t feel very strong. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in and I constantly doubt myself if I’m doing the right thing. I feel sick at the thought of telling him. My son doesn’t know we have a house because again I don’t want to put him in a situation where his dad can say that he knew all about it and didn’t tell him.
Please think about leaving when you can. I should have left years ago but didn’t have the courage and the worry about money etc. I decided in March after an incident and I had almost gave up looking for a rental property. I have wanted to give up so many times and even yesterday I was in tears feeling like I can’t go on. It’s so hard. Sending love and strength to you xx

[Littlepixie]

I had an appointment at the housing executive and she was lovely. She said she’ll try her best to get me as many points as possible but it could be a long wait. She said to keep looking for a private rental. She is emailing me details of a number that can help with what I might be entitled to & she also talked about a charity that can help towards a deposit for my first payment if I get a private rental.
I was so nervous going in but she was very understanding. I’ve never had to ask for help or claim for anything and I was so reluctant to call them but my WA support worker encouraged me to ring them. I’ve a telephone appointment with UC as well. I would just like to know exactly what I’ll be getting & what I’m entitled to like free school meals & uniform grant as my son will need a new blazer. Coming up to the weekend is always a bad day for me because he’s here all weekend x

[Littlepixie]

The police have only been here (detail removed by Moderator). My neighbour must have called them when she heard him shouting. I was stupid and just told the police that he’s a very bad temper. I didn’t tell them how scared I was although I was shaking and crying when they arrived. In hindsight I should have got him arrested but I was trying to stop my son from hating me which would have happened if he’d have been arrested. I think I might have to contact a solicitor soon and see if I qualify for legal aid. Thank you for your advice xx

[Littlepixie]

Thank you. My women’s aid support worker should be calling me later so I’m going to ask her advice. I just don’t want to end up in an awful house that my son won’t want to live in. There are only about 2 private rentals coming up in my area. The 1 I went to see I couldn’t let my children live in. It was really run down even though the estate agent said it had been repainted. The other one I haven’t been to but looks worse inside. I know I can’t be too fussy but in order to make this work I need a half decent house that my son will be happy to live in. Thanks again for your advice xx

[Littlepixie]

Yes I want to try and get out of here before I do anything about the house. My son adores his dad so I don’t want to turn him against me. I think he understands how I feel and this will hit him the hardest. I’m terrified he’ll stay with him & not come with me. His dad is away during the week so couldn’t look after him anyway but he’s always said he’ll change jobs & keep our son.

[Littlepixie]

Yes it’s through the council. It’s a points system and I know in my area social housing is hard to get as lots of people now own their houses. We have some lovely new builds going up but I’m sure they are all allocated already.
What questions did they ask you? This is all completely new to me as we own our house but he’ll not leave it. I’m glad you got out x

[Littlepixie]

Have you contacted women’s aid and citizens advice. I am on a low income & could never afford to run a house. My husband earns almost more in a week than I do in a month. This is something he regularly tells me that he’s the one that puts food on the table, roof over our heads etc. I’m looking at private rental. On my current wage which varies because of my term time contract I can get up to £(detail removed by moderator) a month. This includes £(detail removed by moderator) allowance for housing. I will get more the months that my wage is lower. It will be tough but I can’t stay here. I will have to but everything from scratch because I’ll not get beds or anything out. As long as I have beds for my kids and a kettle that’ll do me to start. I have had so many setbacks the last 2 weeks and I’m still struggling. I go from feeling positive to crying and feeling helpless. I now need a guarantor to be able to rent and I really didn’t any my parents to know because they’re pensioners. Sending love xx

[Littlepixie]

Thanks.
It hard to see the light at the end
Of the tunnel. I feel like just running away. I’m in work this morning but they have been fantastic about it and said anytime I need to make a call or leave it’s fine. I finish tomorrow for Easter which I’m dreading because at work I’m busy and it helps take my mind of things. I work with teenagers so you get some good laughs.
Fingers crossed I get through today. He’ll be home for the weekend and the sick feeling is coming back. I avoided him last weekend but can’t do that again this weekend. Thanks again for your support xx

[Littlepixie]

Thank you. I felt so deflated today. Went to CAB near where I work & they said someone would call me if I filled in a form. Filled form in & because I live in a different area they couldn’t help. Rushed to my local one only to find they were closed. Actually walked away in tears. They say there’s support out there but I’m not seeing it. I hope the WA lady phones me tomorrow. I am ready ti admit defeat & he wins again xx

[Littlepixie]

Oh really. I’ll have a look at that but I really need to sit down with someone and go through everything. I’ve never had to claim anything before so I’m clueless xx

[Littlepixie]

I tried to call yesterday and was on hold for over 30 mins. My kids are teenagers. Going to try and get on touch with citizens advice but it’s hard when I’m at work all day.
Thank you

[Littlepixie]

I’m really not brave but I have put up with this so long I can’t do it anymore. My daughter won’t come to the house when he’s here. Thankfully it’s only weekends he’s home but I know he’ll probably take a week off at Easter.
My wages are low too & I don’t get paid over the summer because I’m not at work. I am looking for another job just to have extra money. I joined this forum 8 years ago. I didn’t think it was that long & I never posted. Only for my son I’d have left years ago. I’m so scared my son won’t come with me. His dad has threatened & been aggressive towards him lots of times but my son still adores him. He sees his dad buying him everything he wants but I know it’s all about image & the persona of oh look at me.
I hope you are doing ok x

[Littlepixie]

Daisydo my daughter loves Craig David so after crying I thought F it I’m not going to let him ruin my NYE. Got my daughter to put on bbc in her tv and sat with a wee beer in her room. My husband usually works away from home and comes home weekends but he’s working at home. He’s been sleeping on our sofa for a week apart from Christmas Eve. Now watching jools Holland on catch up. I went downstairs and didn’t even say happy new year. He’s barely spoke to our daughter in days, she’s (detail removed by moderator) and sees what her dad is like but he wished her hny. He called her a liar & puts her down constantly. She’s a brilliant kid. Says if we separate my son will stay with him. I can’t break up my kids x

[Littlepixie]

(detail removed by moderator) xx

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