Littlepixie

[Littlepixie]

I feel exactly the same. I left several months ago. I have no interest in anything & just want to hide away. I’m struggling to even make dinners & clean the house. I feel so bad as my daughter told me the other day she got upset in school & was crying to her teacher & year head. As well as having no relationship with her Dad she is studying (specific detail removed by Moderator).
Sending you love and let’s try & get through the holidays  xx

[Littlepixie]

It’s so hard when they do that. I left my husband almost (detail removed by Moderator) months ago. We text from time to time because we’re still sorting out bank accounts etc. He has sent so many nice messages saying hope I’m happy etc which makes me so upset because I feel guilty & wonder was it all in my head.  Then maybe a day or two later he’ll message me and make a snide remark or a passive aggressive comment.
Mine even decorated the (detail removed by Moderator) & bought new furniture. This was when we hadn’t spoke for (detail removed by Moderator) months.  He told (detail removed by Moderator) that he’d decorated for me & even used the colours I liked. No apology, no say in the furniture. They do it to mess with our heads.
Sending strength to you. It’s so hard & I still struggle especially at weekends ❤️

[Littlepixie]

Hi everyone. I’m not long out of my marriage either. I’d been thinking about it for years but now reality has kicked in. I’m lonely, sad and just wish this hadn’t have happened. I feel like my life is just one big failure after another. I keep thinking it’s all in my head & it wasn’t that bad.
This forum has been such a help reading other people’s stories & going through similar x

[Littlepixie]

It’s not easy. I decided to go and took me 2 months to get rental property etc sorted. I thought my head and heart were both ready as I couldn’t wait to leave. The first few weeks I was fine then reality hit that this is my life now. My heart is broken and I keep thinking was their more we could have done. I just have to try & blank out the good memories that I have & try and remember why I had to leave. I cry every day. My MH wasn’t great to start with but it’s got worse. I have to make myself get out of bed in the morning. I don’t really have many friends & everyone is so busy with their own lives.
sending you strength to get through this xx

[Littlepixie]

I know how hard it is bluebirds. I’m constantly wondering what if is stayed, should we have talked and got counselling etc. I very rarely hear from him although we need to sort out bank stuff. He’d mentioned about meeting and going to bank together. I don’t want to do that as I think I’ll break down.
Can you get your stuff when he’s out? I took all my stuff with me but had some stuff left in the attic. When he was away I went and got it. It’s so strange going back into the house.
Sending ❤️xx

[Littlepixie]

Thank you for this. I moved out a couple of months ago. The first 2-3 weeks I felt great. Now I feel so sad & depressed. I’m beginning to think no matter what I do I’ll never be truly happy. I thought when I left him I’d be happy again. I have zero motivation for anything and as I’m off work for summer I am lying around the house doing nothing. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I’m also having a few beers at night just to help me sleep but I know I need to stop this because 1. I’ve an addictive personality & 2. I can’t afford it.
I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel & I know it’s early days but I just keep thinking back to the good times we had.
Sorry for rambling on. I’m just so alone

[Littlepixie]

What is the freedom programme? I’ve never heard of bloom so must have a look at it, I have no one really to talk too. I just feel alone & the future when my kids leave scares me and I’m so worried about money. I work full time but I only get paid (detail removed by Moderator) so I’ll get so little in August. I keep thinking I should have just stayed for security.

[Littlepixie]

If I was you I would try & speak to a solicitor. I had an appointment with one last week & he was brilliant and gave me good advice. I’ve not left yet but have a house to rent once I pluck up the courage to tell him & leave. The solicitor said if I’d have contacted him weeks ago he could have applied for an order to get him out of the house (police had been at our house.) I wish I’d have picked the phone up to him weeks ago but I was so scared to go onto that stage.
If you’re in UC you should get legal aid. I work full time but I’m on a low wage & have just applied for UC for the first time so my solicitor said it’ll be free. Good Lucy & keep yourself & the wee one safe xx

[Littlepixie]

Sending hugs. I feel the same. I’ve found a house to rent, have been slowly getting some furniture into it. I’ve still so much to do & I now have to tell him I’m leaving. I’m just so drained & tired I feel like forgetting about it all & staying here. I’ve been to see a solicitor for advice & I know as soon as I tell him he’ll come straight home. He’s works away a lot so I’m being a coward & either phoning or texting him. I can’t tell him to his face because I know he’ll stop our son & I’m frightened he’ll lose his temper. Even when I leave most household bills are in my name so I have to contact them and let them know I’m not at the address. I know this will be a fight as he’s always said he’ll take our son. I don’t have the energy left to fight him xx

[Littlepixie]

I understand how you feel. I’ve been living like this for years. When I resigned into this account I found a post I wrote 5 years ago & it made me cry.
It all came to a head a few weeks ago when someone called the police to my house. That was the final straw for me. He was extremely abusive to our daughter & smashed a door in. I am now trying to find somewhere to rent with my 2 teenagers. Our son adores his Dad but our daughter hates him. She’s now going to counselling through school. I always said that if it was just me & her I’d have left years ago. I’ve messed up her childhood & I will never forgive myself for that. My son at times talks to me exactly the way his Dad does & I need to break the cycle. The men in his family seem to have a problem with women.
I’m feeling really down today because every house I look at has so many others looking at it.
My salary is very low & I will get UC but it’s making me do cross that he’ll be sitting not worrying about money while I’ll be watching every penny. My monthly salary is what he can almost earn in a week.
I can’t give up now though. I have to keep going. Keep posting x

[Littlepixie]

Thank you for your replies.
I’m hesitant to prosecute him.
I don’t want to get his back up more than what it will be when I eventually leave.
I just don’t know what to say weeks later & will they take me seriously.

[Littlepixie]

It takes time. I’ve been wanting to leave my husband for years but the threats he made and the fact he is the main earner frightened me into staying. I have now started plans to leave. I’ve been in touch with WA, housing and UC. I’ve been to see a few rentals but unfortunately I haven’t got them. All I can say is if you have children it’s probably best to leave when they are younger. I wish I’d have done it years ago.
Keep posting and even start looking at what you would be entitled too. I had no idea that I could get help with housing etc

[Littlepixie]

I know how you feel. I keep questioning myself. Did I cause this, should I just speak to him (haven’t spoke to him in a few weeks), should I stay because my son will miss him or may choose to live with him which will not only break my heart but I’ll be worried sick. He has been verbally abusive to my son and threatened him on numerous occasions but now is acting Dad of the year.
I constantly feel sick when he’s here & I don’t sleep properly. We’re (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m dreading it. I don’t even feel comfortable being in the same room but I need to make dinner for our son otherwise that’ll be something he’ll say to him. Another reason why I desperately want to stay somewhere else while he’s here but I know he’ll say to our son that I’ve abandoned him. My daughter won’t stay here at all when he’s here so I’m torn between them.
Hope you get through today. Holidays are the worst. I dread Christmas every year xx

[Littlepixie]

I’ve had this for years from my husband. Putting me down, calling me a fat s***, coming in from work & complaining the mess yet it’s ok for his stuff to sit around for weeks on end.
My children are now teenagers but even back when they were babies I did everything. It can be fine for a few months then it starts again.
If you’re unhappy I’d try and get yourself ready to leave him. I regret leaving it so long & now my kids have grown up in a toxic environment. My son will break his heart when I do get a place for us because he idolises his Dad but I do think he can see how bad it is that I don’t want to go downstairs when he’s here.
There’s so much support out there that I knew nothing about.
Contact your local WA. I now have a support worker who I chat to on the phone & the lady at housing executive was so helpful too.
I’m the world’s worst person at asking people & I hate being a burden. My close work colleagues who I have told have been fantastic.
Sending love x

[Littlepixie]

Oh I know. (detail removed by moderator) Unfortunately I need to keep it to myself at the moment because I don’t want my son knowing I looked at his messages. My husband is very good at playing mr fantastic & I know he’s already been bad mouthing me to people we both know. I just wish I was out of here. I’m really struggling to get somewhere to rent. Hardly any houses & because I’m on a low salary what landlord would want me, a single parent with 2 kids.
Some days I feel like ending it but I can’t leave my kids behind especially my daughter. She needs me xx

[Littlepixie]

Sounds like my son. I’m in the process of trying to leave my husband. I would have walked away years ago if it was just me and my daughter. My husband has always said he’ll fight me for our son and I’ll lose him and my daughter will lose her brother. I know my son loves me but I know that his dad will guilt trip him into staying. I feel torn as my daughter refuses to stay her when her dad is here. She said that he needs to learn but I know no matter how much his dad shouts at him etc he’ll always forgive him. I’m the one leaving the house as he will never leave which makes it harder because I’m taking his son out of the only home he’s ever had. I constantly feel sick, can’t sleep and only for my daughter I’d probably just stay and live with it. Sending love ❤️

[Littlepixie]

I’m in the process of trying to leave my husband and it’s always been the money and somewhere to live that has kept me with him. I work full time but only (detail removed by Moderator) so get paid over (detail removed by Moderator). I have 2 kids to support to. I contacted women’s aid and citizens advice about universal credit and what i may be entitled too. My women’s aid support worker told me to apply for UC now as a single parent. I have a telephone interview on Friday. I’m feeling really deflated though as I can’t find a house. WA told me to contact housing executive so I’m meeting them tomorrow. The future really scares me and I feel such a bad mum for doing this on my kids and especially having to leave the only home they have known. I kept questioning myself if I’m doing the right thing but my daughter will not stay her when her dad is here.
I also need to get a car somehow as I need it for getting to work.
I know that things will be so tight and they’ll be not be as many treats or takeaways at weekends but I’ll not be sitting on eggshells every time he’s here

[Littlepixie]

She is amazing! We’ve been private messaging and she gets it! x

[Littlepixie]

My ex didn’t like me when I had an opinion about anything if it was different to his. He was like that with me and our daughter. If you tried to put your point across he basically said that it was wrong. Another thing was he’d deny things he’d done or said and call me a liar.
I’ve only left him recently and I’m really struggling but when I read things like this it just brings it back to me the way he spoke to me at times.
Hope you’re ok tonight xx

[Littlepixie]

I know, it’s so hard. I spent so long trying to pick up the courage to leave & now I’m away less than (detail removed by moderator) and I miss him. I keep telling myself it’s the old version of him I miss, not the version he is now. It’s early days especially after over (detail removed by moderator) together. If your ex is getting nasty then you know you’ve done the right thing. Stay strong and PM me if you want xx

[Littlepixie]

He messaged me (detail removed by Moderator) & was so civil. We’re having to meet in a few weeks to sort out bank stuff & I’m dreading it. I know it’s going to upset me & i’ll have to try and stay strong. I’ve been feeling a bit better the last few days & the text (detail removed by Moderator) has just set me right back. I couldn’t wait to leave & now I’m constantly thinking should we have went to counselling etc. It’s like I’ve blanked out the bad times and just remember the good times we had. My future scares me especially when my kids go their own ways. I keep thinking maybe when they are grown up we will get on better and try again. I’m just really struggling & my daughter doesn’t understand. She has no relationship with him at all. I have no one really to talk too. I don’t have many friends anymore. My WA worker hasn’t been in touch in weeks. She’s very hard to get hold off. Don’t know if I could get a different one?

[Littlepixie]

Thank you. I meant to get in touch with my women’s aid support worker during the week but I’ve been so busy. Some days are better than others. I’ve had some contact worth him over text about bills etc and he’s being so amicable but I know he can be so nice then turn over the stupidest thing.
I’ll have a look for the programme x

[Littlepixie]

Thank you. We lived almost separate lives for so long. He was away with work a lot so I was on my own a lot of the time. I do think this had a part in our split. He came back expecting to be the boss when I ran the house without him. I basically done everything including sorting out the bills. He never told me what to wear or do although I never go out anyway. It was more snide comments or if I tried to intervene when he was yelling at the kids he spoke down to me. Also said things then if I pulled him up on it later he’d say I was lying. It all came to a head (detail removed by Moderator) when he actually scared me. I suppose I’m thinking back to the start of the relationship, the happy times we had and maybe if we could have got the kids raised (a lot of the arguments were over the kids especially (detail removed by Moderator)) could we have been happy again.
I did have a WA worker but the groups were morning and I work. I was going to try and get an application with my GP and maybe go back onto antidepressants. I’m also perimenopausal so now questioning myself if I’m having some sort of midlife crisis.

[Littlepixie]

Sorry I haven’t been on here. Spoke to the solicitor who said I can tell him anyway I want it. I’m not a prisoner and it doesn’t have to be face to face. I don’t even know if I could do a phone call. We haven’t spoke in 2 months so it would be very awkward to just pick up the phone and tell him. I know if he starts shouting I can just hang up but the thought of doing any of this makes me feel sick. Even texting him & him texting me back is giving me anxiety. I just want it to be over. Hope you’re doing ok? xx

[Littlepixie]

I can’t just leave without telling him because he’s always in contact with my son when he’s away. I can’t have my son lying to his dad about where he is. My son worships his dad and I have to try and make this as easy as possible for him.
I don’t feel very strong. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in and I constantly doubt myself if I’m doing the right thing. I feel sick at the thought of telling him. My son doesn’t know we have a house because again I don’t want to put him in a situation where his dad can say that he knew all about it and didn’t tell him.
Please think about leaving when you can. I should have left years ago but didn’t have the courage and the worry about money etc. I decided in March after an incident and I had almost gave up looking for a rental property. I have wanted to give up so many times and even yesterday I was in tears feeling like I can’t go on. It’s so hard. Sending love and strength to you xx

[Littlepixie]

I had an appointment at the housing executive and she was lovely. She said she’ll try her best to get me as many points as possible but it could be a long wait. She said to keep looking for a private rental. She is emailing me details of a number that can help with what I might be entitled to & she also talked about a charity that can help towards a deposit for my first payment if I get a private rental.
I was so nervous going in but she was very understanding. I’ve never had to ask for help or claim for anything and I was so reluctant to call them but my WA support worker encouraged me to ring them. I’ve a telephone appointment with UC as well. I would just like to know exactly what I’ll be getting & what I’m entitled to like free school meals & uniform grant as my son will need a new blazer. Coming up to the weekend is always a bad day for me because he’s here all weekend x

[Littlepixie]

The police have only been here (detail removed by Moderator). My neighbour must have called them when she heard him shouting. I was stupid and just told the police that he’s a very bad temper. I didn’t tell them how scared I was although I was shaking and crying when they arrived. In hindsight I should have got him arrested but I was trying to stop my son from hating me which would have happened if he’d have been arrested. I think I might have to contact a solicitor soon and see if I qualify for legal aid. Thank you for your advice xx

[Littlepixie]

Thank you. My women’s aid support worker should be calling me later so I’m going to ask her advice. I just don’t want to end up in an awful house that my son won’t want to live in. There are only about 2 private rentals coming up in my area. The 1 I went to see I couldn’t let my children live in. It was really run down even though the estate agent said it had been repainted. The other one I haven’t been to but looks worse inside. I know I can’t be too fussy but in order to make this work I need a half decent house that my son will be happy to live in. Thanks again for your advice xx

[Littlepixie]

Yes I want to try and get out of here before I do anything about the house. My son adores his dad so I don’t want to turn him against me. I think he understands how I feel and this will hit him the hardest. I’m terrified he’ll stay with him & not come with me. His dad is away during the week so couldn’t look after him anyway but he’s always said he’ll change jobs & keep our son.

[Littlepixie]

Yes it’s through the council. It’s a points system and I know in my area social housing is hard to get as lots of people now own their houses. We have some lovely new builds going up but I’m sure they are all allocated already.
What questions did they ask you? This is all completely new to me as we own our house but he’ll not leave it. I’m glad you got out x

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