Madmam

[Madmam]

Do you have a friend you can text who can ring the police on your behalf? If they ask for the domestic violence department they will take you seriously.

[Madmam]

Yep my abusive ex owes me money but I’m happy to pay the price for silence from him.

Blessed be 😇

[Madmam]

Yep you’ve summed up exactly how I was/am feeling. BTW he is also not being very responsible meeting up with women while there’s a pandemic going on and we are being urged to stay away from each other. You should hold onto that too.

[Madmam]

I posted recently about how my ex was on a dating ensure merely days after saying how much he missed me. It hurt I have to be honest.

But honestly I think he is trying to be the first to have a partner again, like a race. Also, I think these men need someone to feed off. I imagine he is incredibly lonely, during this epidemic even more so. He moved on from his last relationship with me too fast but I ignored the red flags. It won’t go well for him.

You have your child, so you are not alone and that probably kills him. I tell myself that everyday that at least I’m not stuck sitting alone like he is.

Him persuing another girl isn’t a sign of what a catch he is, it’s a sign of how sad and lonely he is. Let him suffer. He deserves it.

[Madmam]

Well done that’s amazing!

Please read ‘why does he do that?’ like others have said, I spent a lot of time with my mouth hanging open, it’s like the author was writing about him!

Stay strong and come on here if you’re feeling wobbly.

[Madmam]

Thanks everyone.

I do feel a very strong urge to warn his future victims. Unfortunately I’m not in the UK so I don’t think there is a law like Claire’s law here. I’ll check though.

The photo of him looking so sweet, innocent and trustworthy makes my stomach turn. Ugh.

[Madmam]

Thanks KIP.

Yep I won’t contact him… No way.

But amazing to think he was emailing me (detail removed by Moderator) days ago to say how much he missed me.

I remember wondering whether he had moved on too quickly with me after his ex. If only I’d listened to my inner voice then, eh?

[Madmam]

Hi,

I have been talking to my ex’s ex and she has confirmed everything – we might as well have written the same emails.

Scary.

Stay safe x

[Madmam]

Yes. There’s a part of me that still wants to make him and everybody who is fooled by him SEE.

But, I can’t. And I think even he knows deep down what he’s like. Maybe 🤔

[Madmam]

Thanks thistle!

Well it turns out he got frustrated, tried to turn the tables on me and said I was harassing him, called me and my mother n********ts, then proceeded to block me 🙄

I kinda knew he’d want to get the last word in, and now this last email he sent will be the only thing he will remember, that I was abusing him and he had to block me 🙄 typical behaviour from him. I’m annoyed that he managed to do this, on the last way of contact but what can you do. It has, and will always be, his loss.

[Madmam]

👍

[Madmam]

My eldest, when told I had broken up with my (not their dad), said ‘thank GOD for that mammy!’. That’s when I knew I did the right thing.

Your kids might even say this was the best Christmas ever, because it was quiet and without fear. You helped make it so.

[Madmam]

Vent away.

I rang the (detail removed by moderator) last night and was treated like I was a bore to this lady. Even more of a kick in the teeth when you’re getting that reaction from a a woman. Hope she never has to deal with abuse. Lucky her.

The advice I got was to shout louder. I’m not a shouter (ironically), but I’ll have learn to do it.

Hope you’re OK.

[Madmam]

Thanks for checking up on me girls.
I’m still in shock at how the woman spoke to me on the phone. Like I was annoying her. She said there was no such thing as ‘marking a house’.

I know I’m not in the UK but still, I’m shocked at how I was treated. I’ll ring later today to complain. I also explained that I had got my ex removed from the house (detail removed  by moderator) and they should have that on their records!

It beggars belief.

[Madmam]

I tried. They didn’t take me seriously. Omg.

[Madmam]

I rang the (detail removed by moderator) and they didn’t believe me Mocked me

[Madmam]

I will. Thanks kip. Jesus I want out. But we were right. X

[Madmam]

OK so you’re dead right. He texted me tonight. I couldve sworn I saw his mother’s car drive by bit I can’t be sure. Guards are rang. Jesus Christ when will this stop.

[Madmam]

I will KIP, thanks. You know yourself, I don’t want to ‘waste their time’, but I’ll do it just in case. He’s smart, he won’t want to get into trouble with the police. Acts like their best friend and I’m the neurotic woman 🙄

[Madmam]

Thanks all.

Yes, I was wondering what his game was. I’m actually thinking he is waiting for me to text him, so he can start the whole ‘I’ve acccepted that we’re over, that you’ve planned this’ etc to get a reaction off me, then start to reel me in by ending with ‘but I want us to start over really’.

I’ll just have to wait and see if I’m right. He knows I’m alone now, the kids have gone for a few nights with their dad, so feeling a little more vulnerable now.

[Madmam]

You can do it. I broke up with my ex (detail removed by Moderator), after telling myself I’d wait till after Xmas. But like someone else said here, he did one last shitty thing and I knew it was never going to get better. So I did it, totally unplanned. And so far I’ve been through feelings of utter relief, anger and sadness. But my life has a predictability to it that had been forgotten. And it’s lovely.

[Madmam]

What could he have said to him that didn’t show him up to be a complete d*ck?

Exactly, Camel. When I had to ring the police on him, he was as nice as pie, acted like they were his friends. I remember thinking, why isn’t he mortified? These guys are so clever, covering their tracks.

[Madmam]

Thanks all of you.

I haven’t shed a tear since I did this.

Yes, his mother was trying to normalize his behavior, called it ‘mistakes’ etc. Jaysus like!
I told her that her son was becoming his father and no surprise either. She said (of her husband) ‘oh I might complain about him but I still LOVE him’. I told her love wasn’t enough, respect is as important, if not more so.
The stories I heard my ex tell me about his father, I used to think his mum was a saint, now I know she’s been brainwashed. She idolizes her son but is also afraid of him and lets him tell her what to do.
The very thing my ex complains about, he is guilty of himself, and yet he can’t see.

Used to frustrate me, still does, but now I know I can help him no more.

[Madmam]

Thanks everyone!

His mother was round telling me how heartbroken he was and what about the guys times etc…. She’s brainwashed by it all also. I told her as much. She has had a lifetime of the same treatment from his father. Why would I expect my ex to come away from that childhood unscathed? All I can do now is protect my children from it and break the cycle.

I will have to get the locks changed as he refuses to give back my stuff in his place, including his key to my house.

[Madmam]

Thanks Hetty. I did it while at work and I’m here smiling at everyone! Some might say cold and calculating, but the fact that I put up with his s**t for over half a decade says I am not.

[Madmam]

I remember about 2 years ago (when I still socially smoked), we were sitting in the pub enjoying a pint or two. I went outside for a cigarette and the security guy was at the door (naturally).
He struck up some small talk, I finished my cig then went back inside. The face on him! Accused me of flirting with the fella. Like the rest of you, I should have just walked away, but instead I explained the obvious, that he was security, what else was he supposed to do etc.

And the most important bit just occured to me – when we both got up to leave (obviously couldn’t stay), he DIDN’T SAY A WORD TO THE SECURITY GUY.

This has just hit me like a slap in the face.

[Madmam]

If the kids are fond of a man who abuses you, that’s a cause for concern. They pick up on more than we know.

Ain’t that the truth…. I also know that apart from being fond of him, they are a little fearful.

[Madmam]

I have been to counselling myself, as a couple and he has been on his own. When I admitted during a couples session that I sometimes felt afraid of him, the counselor said she didn’t think I should be afraid of him. Cue much puffing out of chest from him. Also she told me not to cry.

I never went back.

I always had to push him to go see her, and I alee with whoever else on this thread said – that he is finding different ways to abuse me: ‘I’m not doing that any more’. But his favourite at the moment is a new one – silent treatment. Go counsellor. She’s giving him more ideas.

Now I’m being accused of changing the goalposts 🙄

[Madmam]

Thanks you two. Good advice. Usually when I we’ve had a row before, he will retreat to his place and drink beer. I think he withdraws his company as punishment to me for standing up to him. So I’m not sure if he will do anything like come around straight away anyway. That might happen later when he knows I’m serious this time.

The last time I asked for space I was (detail removed by Moderator) weeks post (detail removed by Moderator) surgery and he didn’t contact me/ask about me for (detail removed by Moderator) days, even though he knew I was back at work with 2 kids at school and couldn’t even put my socks on.

I need to figure out how to get my belongings from his place before I tell him. But I’ll probably be at his place during that time so I’ll quietly pack the few bits while he’s not looking.

I will have to block his number alright…. And change the locks.

I’m waiting till after Xmas so as not to spoil it for the kids, who are fond of him.

[Madmam]

@Sande I feel you. (detail removed by Moderator) having a few drinks, just us. He switched (detail removed by Moderator) channel and me, without my guard up, dares to say something humorous like ‘(detail removed by Moderator)’ along with a smile and an eye roll. You know, a bit of a laugh. Cue the atmosphere plummeting and the temperature drops. He sulks with me. I reassure him (detail removed by Moderator) times but get nowhere so retreat to bed even though I wasn’t finished a couple of lovely well earned drinks.

It’s mad how quickly a nice night turns into a shit one.

[Author]

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