ashestobeauty

[ashestobeauty]

Keep talking. We’re here for you x

[ashestobeauty]

Please take care honey.
My abuser convinced me that I couldn’t live without him, that’s not love, it’s fear and dependency.
Abusers don’t know what love is.

[ashestobeauty]

You can do it xx

[ashestobeauty]

Honey, this is what (detail removed by moderator) do. My ex was exactly the same. It’s all about THEM. How they look to the outside world and how they feel.
This is NOT your fault, he’s the bad person, not you. He will never change but you can change your future and leave him behind.
I’m out of my abusive relationship for (detail removed by moderator) and I’ve learnt to love and forgive myself. These people will always blame you for their problems and put their insecurities on you.
Take care and take courage. I never thought I’d be free mentally from my abuser but I am now.
Xx

[ashestobeauty]

That’s disgusting. I’m so sorry you’ve been treated this way. You are living in fear and you should be taken seriously.
I would take this up with my local Member of Parliament if I were you. There’s also the INDEPENDENT OFFICE OF POLICE COMPLAINTS but try your MP first.
Do not give up or accept second best.
Take care
Xx

[ashestobeauty]

I meant mental health team, sorry.

[ashestobeauty]

Thank you so much for your kindness and support. I will be meeting the male officer who will actually be interviewing my husband, which will be weird. I wonder what he will make of him? After all, I loved, trusted and believed him for all those years.

[ashestobeauty]

I keep hearing this expression but it’s so so true “don’t beat yourself up.” They want us to feel bad and guilty about our faults. It’s a way to make them feel superior. He will NOT be different, you cannot fix him. I tried for many years to fix my husband and I invested way too much and got ZERO return. He can never be the person you want him to be. Please forgive yourself.
Keep talking to us.
Blessings xx

[ashestobeauty]

I don’t have a copy of my marriage certificate. Forgot to tell you ladies.

[ashestobeauty]

That will be interesting as he works in (detail removed by moderator) so it might get opened and the gossip will spread like wildfire. It could get messy for him as he likes to be in control.

[ashestobeauty]

Thank you for your quick replies on a Sunday morning as well!!
If his partner sees this, she will go mental as he’s painted me as the bad person to everyone. I don’t have a current address for him though but I know where he works.
Where do they send the documents??

[ashestobeauty]

I know what you mean. Reading his emails and then talking to him on the phone was like Jekyll & Hyde. 2 completely different people. The scary thing was he was still able to control me from (detail removed by moderator) miles away. His hold on me was so strong.
No more. It is done.

[ashestobeauty]

I know how you feel my love. We had to leave my home with 2 suitcases and our cat. A year later we have a council place, friends and furniture. It’s been a hard bumpy road to get where we are but it’s done and you CAN do it too. I didn’t think I could live without him but I can and have achieved more than I ever dreamed.
I was an alcoholic and taking antidepressants for (detail removed by moderator) years, totally comatose and dependant on my husband. I’ve been sober and drug free  (detail removed by moderator)
Please believe me when I say, you can do it.
Take care. Keep talking to us. Xx

[ashestobeauty]

Mind games my love. My husband was a master of mind games. He got a kick out of the fact 2 women wanted him and he played me for a fool. I KNOW it hurts and you want him back but you want something that he can’t give you which is respect, unconditional love and kindness.
Please believe me when I say you’re better off without him.
Don’t have any contact with him if possible.
It will get easier. Promise. Xx

[ashestobeauty]

After talking to the Samaritans, I reported it (detail removed by Moderator) months later.
It’s been difficult but I’m getting through it. One day at a time. Xx

[ashestobeauty]

Oh my dear Teabag, I know exactly how you feel because it’s normal. I am likening it to PTSD and that, for me, makes it easier to deal with. Time is a great healer, 2 months after the big showdown, the panic attacks are lessening, the tears not so frequent and I do I even have a laugh now and then. Don’t expect everything to be okay straight away, you have feelings and the emotions need time to heal just like a bodily injury. You cannot rush healing.
You will get wobbly moments, dark thoughts of ending it all. I know what you’re going through.
I rang the Samaritans (ring free on 116 123) for 40 minutes this afternoon as my support worker is away, they were really good. Reach out please, I feel much better for talking to them.
Don’t be afraid to cry for help. You’re not alone.
Lots of love to you. Xx

[ashestobeauty]

I know one thing, I’m not alone anymore. Women like her and all of you have given me the strength to carry on and fight.
Bless you all xx

[ashestobeauty]

A friend sent me a Facebook message (detail removed by moderator) about this lady. After a sleepless night and bad dreams, I got up this morning and phoned the police. I’ve been reading about coercive control for a few weeks now and I know what’s been happening to me throughout my marriage.
I’m calmer than I’ve been in years today.
Thank goodness for this woman and her strength. She will be enabling a lot of women like us.
I’m waiting for an appointment for officers to see me ASAP.
I’ll keep you posted.
Xx

[ashestobeauty]

Good for you my darling.
One day at a time.
Take care xx

[ashestobeauty]

I sold my wedding and engagement rings and took my son and me for a weekend away. Now we have a nice memory. Xx

[ashestobeauty]

Oh honey, I feel for you. I haven’t had any contact with my husband for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks and it’s still hard. He used to call and email dozens of times a day. I thought it was because he loved and needed me BUT it was control, pure and simple. In the end, I told his partner what he’d been doing. He hit the roof. He then reported me to the police for harassing him!! I’ve got all his emails though!! I’ve not heard anything since. Bullies don’t like being stood up to. Each day will get easier.
Be kind to yourself.
Hugs xx

[ashestobeauty]

I am home now. I gave my evidence and it was fine. The 2 female officers were very supportive and professional, just the right balance. Glad it’s done. It’s out of my hands now.
We are all warriors, some active, some silent but warriors all the same. We are warriors for each other.
Thank you for listening and being there.
Xx

[ashestobeauty]

Wanted to mention that my son caught him (detail removed by moderator). When he realised this, he threatened my son (a young teenager at the time), he said if he told me that he’d never see him again and we’d be homeless without his money. This happened more than once. I feel so guilty that my son kept it from me all these years because he wanted to keep the family together. I’m grateful he doesn’t live near me because I am so angry, I couldn’t guarantee control over my actions. As it turned out we were homeless because of him anyway. How ironic.

[ashestobeauty]

Thank you everyone xx I go through so many different emotions every day, I no longer know who I am sometimes. I wish he could have been the person I wanted him to be but you cannot change people. He has chosen to be like this and I know it’s not my fault. Letting guilt go.

[ashestobeauty]

Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me and spoken words of support.

[ashestobeauty]

(detail removed by Moderator). I just want the pain to end. The only thing I have left to live for is my son who doesn’t know the whole story. I feel so alone and scared. Days are endless and I don’t sleep.

[ashestobeauty]

Thank you for your support and understanding IWMB. Over the years working with those offenders, he started to change, so subtly I didn’t really notice. I was drinking and taking anti depressants, which suited him as I was somewhat detached from reality. 3 months after he left I stopped drinking and taking these pills. I can see the big picture now. I wish I’d never met him, I wasted (detail removed by moderator) my life on him.

 

 

 

 

 

[ashestobeauty]

baby. Xx

[ashestobeauty]

Good morning CM, so sorry to hear of this awful situation. Have you contacted the police? This guy sounds very determined to frighten you and your family. This cannot go on. There are laws against this behaviour now.
Please take care of yourself and your

[ashestobeauty]

Thank you I Want Me Back xx
When I look at pictures of me before and after the rape, it’s like 2 different women. I lost so much weight and my hair started falling out!! We had been separated for (detail removed by moderator) months when the incident happened, not actually seen him for (detail removed by moderator) months.
He works in a (detail removed by moderator).

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