Itwastimetostopit

[Itwastimetostopit]

Hi cheesequeen
Child services have proven great support for me. My ex showed them his nasty self.
He will bounce it all back on to you and at times it will get to you.
He will want to play victim.
I’ve accepted my ex will not take responsibility for his behaviour.

He’s lost his control over you.
But what he does now is his responsibility not yours.
Ring police if you feel threatened.

You have been brave to seek help and saying it all out loud.

[Itwastimetostopit]

My close friends understand more than my family.
I was called stupid by my brother when I tried talking about early days of my relationship with ex and how young I was.

It did upset me
I am wary of discussing incase I get judgemental comments back.

So I talk to those I trust unfortunately it’s not my family .
But I don’t want to expose myself to their negativity.

[Itwastimetostopit]

Thank you
❤️

[Itwastimetostopit]

I had this all at start.
Make you feel guilty and keeps you in feeling responsible.
I rang police when threatening suicide.

I followed the no contact advice.
Changed my number blocked him.
I let him know that didn’t want direct contact and would report him off harrassment If continues.

Going no contact helps.

[Itwastimetostopit]

When I say the stuff he did it’s awful. Sharing it makes it sound worse. Kept it to myself for a lot of years.

I will get a book to write in.

[Itwastimetostopit]

I’ve tried explaining calmly how it makes me feel
And that my son is not responsible for causing that.

Thanks for your replies

[Itwastimetostopit]

😢
Certainly takes ya down memory lane

[Itwastimetostopit]

❤️❤️❤️

[Itwastimetostopit]

I feel I’m stuck in limbo waiting for him. It’s all in his hands

I want to start doing things I want

By end (detail removed by Moderator) he will of had (detail removed by Moderator) months notice

[Itwastimetostopit]

Yeah I will be keeping emails

[Itwastimetostopit]

I can’t really take it to him
Told him third party collection but by his reply he not going to do that. But he’s not welcome he was (detail removed by Moderator) last time good job had friend here.

I was going to just get skip and donate to charity.
He’s took a load months ago what was clearly important. He even took all the dinner plates too. Took Tv even though kids here
But expects me to ask as storage for rest

House is rented in my name
so no issues there.

[Itwastimetostopit]

I can only echo what the other ladies have said.
I went through same, him saying will get help etc not just once.
But he never did.

Just have a safety plan. He knows he’s losing you and losing control over you.
My ex used many manipulative tactics too

[Itwastimetostopit]

The responsibility for his actions is his.
Don’t feel guilty. Xxxx

[Itwastimetostopit]

I’m enjoying the calmness

[Itwastimetostopit]

Merry Christmas 🎄

I’m not long out but this Xmas going to be so much better than the last,
For me and my kids.
I’m content with this today

Not looking too far in future at moment

[Itwastimetostopit]

My sons a teenager he knows that i don’t want contact.
I’m not playing friends stuff that

[Itwastimetostopit]

I’ve not said much to him up to now. Certainly gonna not bother in future.
I’ve got a couple really amazing friends I will carry on with their support.

I’m managing so far without family input

[Itwastimetostopit]

Hi thank you for replies

I have spoke to my idva and now have a plan if it continues.
I’m not willing to let him get away with it .

[Itwastimetostopit]

You are still feeling responsible for him. Everything your saying is in relation to how he feels.

He won’t change you might have few days weeks. But you would have unsettled him cos you have left. Going back Is allowing him to manipulate you.

I had do much guilt for weeks after and all cos feeling sorry for him.

I have gone no contact it’s has worked.

You have children please be careful with this decision as my decisions before it ended resulted in social services involvement.

It’s s scary time for you but if you go back and nothing changes?

[Itwastimetostopit]

You could ring 101 and discuss it with them
It’s harassment and possibly stalking.

[Itwastimetostopit]

It could be a red flag. Look up the controller

He might just be joking but don’t let it go.
Tell him how it made you feel.

[Itwastimetostopit]

The text might not be enough.
Report him if he doesn’t stop.
Consider a non molestation order. It’s bit concerning that’s he’s doing it.

If any make you feel in danger ring 999

[Itwastimetostopit]

Definitely
I only did it cos he contacted my son
But he couldn’t help himself I guess

Social services are involved atm but my eldest is over age. But he’s got learning disabilities and is vulnerable

[Itwastimetostopit]

Can you go no contact? Changing your number best option as can use other ways to ring you.

It’s harrassment what he’s doing to you.

You could report this to 101.

[Itwastimetostopit]

It is the trauma bond you have to him.
They make you feel so responsible for them and how they feel.

It won’t get any better if you wait. It might get worse if he feels he’s losing control.
I waited ended up with social services cos of how it ended.

Do this for yourself and your child. He’s not your responsibility

Then go no contact. It’s so hard at first but it helps clear you of this fog and bond you are feeling

Good luck

[Itwastimetostopit]

Recently heard the phrase cuppa tea theory
If you get asked should be simply yes or no

I find it’s the sex side of things I find upsetting thinking about.
Persuading me 3 weeks after giving birth. It certainly wasn’t with me in mind.

These memories are awful but in a way it like tearing the plaster off what you thought was normal when it weren’t . Or thought he’s a man and you have to give in to get peace.

[Itwastimetostopit]

I felt like this for months in the end it ended up being a massive mess. Social services are now involved due to him.
But at the time I couldn’t make that final step.

The calm never lasts and I’m sure your waiting for the fall and that cycle is never ending.

I wasn’t thinking about me fully I kept thinking of how kids feel and guilt towards him.

This final step is hard

[Itwastimetostopit]

I’ve just read this.
I’m struggling to cope with my feelings.
It’s over and no going back.
But after many many years of life surrounding how he was and how he was feeling. It’s hard to just focus on myself.
I’ve lost interest in a lot of stuff that I enjoyed.

I feel stupid having stayed in it for so long.
But it felt there was no way out
Had kids and seemed impossible.

[Itwastimetostopit]

He would say I would say things deliberately to wind him up.
Would just rant at me relentlessly repeating himself

I stopped responding as much as I could.
Always had excuses to redeem his own behaviour

[Itwastimetostopit]

The guilt is awful but it will ease. You need to maintain no contact. It will clear your mind otherwise he will continue to bother you.
Will try make you feel sorry for him and that won’t help with how your feeling right now.

I have only maintained contact through a solicitor. If you have a third party I advise you do this.

Well done on making this step. It’s big but you’ve done it.

Might be bit early for him to have contact with kids. He may use them to manipulate you.

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