Sleepypigeon

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, I just wanted to say I understand the feeling that you describe. I have felt this way lately but you can and will get through this. You have shown such strength In leaving. I am so sorry that he is harrasing you and trying to get into your head.
I am unsure of your situation, whether this is a family home he had access to, if so can you get the locks changed? then if he did it again call the police.
Your safety is most important.
I know you are feeling tired, drained even, can you stay with a friend or ask someone over so your not alone?
Be kind to yourself.
Sending a hug x

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi,
Iv booked a couple days away for me and my kids. Something to look forward to and an escape if you like.
Going to make some us memories, and do what we like.
Although I’m anxious about it I am determined to make it great for them.
X

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, I understand how you feel, as I am also feeling the same way, a shell of the person I used to be and I hate how I am left like this while he has got on with life.
I can not tell you what to do regards reporting, this is entirely up to you. But you are free, that takes strength, and your stronger than you give yourself credit for. Perhaps seek free advice from a professional and see what they say and decide from there. Also keep reaching out, everyone here understands and is there for you.
I have been advised to look after me, which I am doing, it is a rollercoaster, but hopefully will get better.
We can get past this and you deserve so much better.
I to can not imagine being with anyone else after ex, but even that sad thought is better than being with him.
Take care. Message anytime.
X

[Sleepypigeon]

I just feel so alone in this

[Sleepypigeon]

Thanks for your responses ladies, I was letting out what was in my head this morning after little sleep. Iv been having nightmares recently about the ex.
Unsure how I got to thinking about my father.
My dad lacks emotion, empathy, he’s selfish, doesn’t understand me, never listens, it’s all about him. Everyone thinks he’s wonderful, he’s always helping people, yet he’s needy with me and I do lots for him but it’s not enough. I need him to be there for me but I feel like the parent.
i remember a different man when I was young. An angry person, who shouted a lot, and who we were afraid to upset.
Maybe I was just trying to make a connection to make sense.
Think I just feel alone in that he is the only family so there’s no one there for me.
Maybe he’s just like darcy said, 30 yrs older and a man. Why would he understand me.

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi Tracker, I just wanted to reach out and say I understand exactly how you are feeling. I have been free a few months and still feel up and down. Very isolated and lonely at times. I am currently reading the book that Darcy has recommended, and listening to podcasts etc At times it can be all consuming and its all I think about in my need to understand and make sense of the confusion. I have great friends but they do not understand and I don’t want to keep going on to them, so I feel I have pulled back from them recently. I so desperately want to feel normal, like me again and gain back what little confidence I had. I am taking it one day at a time, and making small steps. Try to do 1 thing just for you everyday. It may not seem much but it does help. Sending a hug, cause we could all do with one sometimes 🤗 (it’s what I miss most) x

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, he is just trying to win you round by making you feel guilty, I no its difficult but please block him on everything and do not respond to anything, even if he tries to contact you by any means. I certainly don’t want to scare you but I have been told and found out that once you leave they can change and things can escalate. Build support for yourself with friends family colleagues and reach out to womans aid as they are a great support. I was also recommended to read up on types of abuse etc as education is power for us. Keep a journal of all things, and keep the messages in case you need them in future, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Most importantly Look after yourself, and try not to think of him (that’s easier said than done) but you must remind yourself of the reasons you left in the first place. These men don’t change for the better. Take care x

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi stuck here,
I wanted to let you know I understand. My ex also went through periods of being nice and everything was good but this was only to draw me back in before things got worse.
He seemly hated one of my friends also, at first it was just the odd comment, then over time this became more frequent negative comments and trying to turn me against her. I think he was threatened as she didn’t like him and saw through who he was and stuck by me which I’m very grateful for. He also tried this with other friends, more so the strong independent ones, ones he saw as a threat I guess.
Unfortunately as much as we want to believe these men are good deep down or this is a rough patch or whatever they will not change or get better. Reach out to womans aid, they are very supportive and can tell you your options should you choose to leave. I did, and although it’s tough I’m glad I did. Sending you support and a gentle hug x

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi Neueranfang, I know how painful this is and upsetting when his family turn against you, I had this happen also. Unfortunately as the other ladies have said they will always side with him, they don’t or can’t admit what you say is true.
You have done the best thing for you and your children, hold on to that thought, and that you are free from him. Sending hugs

[Sleepypigeon]

I’m open to suggestions as I hate feeling like this. Sleep isn’t great just now so been trying meditation podcasts but they don’t always help.
Took me a while to get to doc today as putting it of so the thought of phoning bac and getting an unfriendly receptionist does not fill me with joy. Sorry don’t mean to sound all doom and gloom, wish I could shake this feeling of. I just want to get me back 😪

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, im sorry your feeling like this, I understand it as well.
I stopped trying to explain to friends, as they just don’t get it. It hurt and frustrated me and still does. I’m glad I found this forum as I finally feel heard.
Take care x

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, so sorry you are going through this.
I also had lightbulb moments after talking with someone and struggling with similar.
It’s the same question I have asked myself, if no evidence and historic, can you report so its logged without them wanting court etc or is it just wasting the police time?
I’m out, free but part of me wants these things noted somewhere incase it helped a new supply, or that horrible though there might be others that have reported but not enough evidence either? Do the police care? Would it help?
Stay strong freedompoppy your not alone in this
X

[Sleepypigeon]

Then I was unlucky to, my ex also had many hats, he ticks nearly all these boxes as well. I think he tried everything to keep control and it worked for so long. Not anymore

[Sleepypigeon]

Thank you for your replies, I want to shake this feeling, just really struggling with it. Everything feels so difficult right now, being of work has allowed me to hibernate.
One thing I’m certain is I don’t want to go back.

[Sleepypigeon]

Oh wow that got me, so relatable and emotional. Thank you for sharing

[Sleepypigeon]

I dont know why they feel the need to comment and sometimes I feel its not meant in a bad way, but by saying “I heard this” it just boils my blood, I did shut it down, but even then the words swim round and round my head.
It’s so frustrating and draining.
Why do they just get to walk away and we are left drowning?
He did all those things yet is swaning around like the victim.

[Sleepypigeon]

Sorry for jumping on your post but I’m struggling with this also.
When you have people tell you the ex is devastated you broke up, heartbroken, yet they have no idea what he put me through, that I’m lucky to be alive. It makes me so angry I want to shout from the rooftops that he abused me, emotionally, physically, and sexually. I want to shut them up by telling my truth, shock them into seeing the real person behind the mask he wears, but I don’t. I keep quiet, say nothing, and it feels like he’s won. I know talking will only fuel him, so I say nothing. And this tears me up, I’m so conflicted by emotions, that I’m doing the right thing, by staying quiet, not reacting, but inside I’m screaming. Iv had imaginary conversations, daydreams of outing him, or someone else realising what he’s like, or simply hoping he dissappears, permanently. When does it get easier? I feel more trapped now than I did then.

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi,

Completely understand this to.
Lockdown was good in the sense after I got out of the relationship with ex I didn’t have to face anyone. But then I got used to the isolation and struggling now that things are opening up.
I have a few close friends but they are married so I don’t fit in with them now.
It does hurt seeing others out doing family things together. Trying my best to do things on my own and keep going for my kids but it is lonely and difficult at times.
Just wanted to share that I’m feeling the same, and that your not alone in these feelings.
Xx

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, I totally understand these feelings I am also fighting them everyday just now, not many people understand so I am glad you have a friend you can reach out to and so happy you did.
Life can be unfair, I feel often, why me what did I do to deserve this life.
But we have an inner strength somehow that keeps us going.
You are strong and brave and must remind yourself everyday that you deserve better than you have had.
Sending virtual hug cause we could all use one x

[Sleepypigeon]

I’m working on me, trying to heal, working through stuff that’s why I think all this other stuff is coming up.
Also trying to help my young teen deal with issues with their dad. Hard age and also rollercoaster of emotions.
We have talked a lot this weekend, it breaks My heart they are dealing with this to.
It’s difficult as I can’t or won’t tell my child what to think about their dad I just talk from my point of view and why I have walked away, from their dad and recent ex, talked about boundaries, hoping that they can make up their own mind. They do know what their dad’s like, and struggles with the way he can be.
Wish I had a magic wand 🪄🙄

[Sleepypigeon]

Thanks for your advice I am going to look into this, dont want to add fuel to this but need to do something I think.

[Sleepypigeon]

Thanks Darcy

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi Darcy, thanks for your kind words and I’m so sorry you did not find support when you needed it.
I certainly don’t want to put anyone of going to their doc,that’s not my intention, I was just venting as I was just hurt at his response. I have been supported by a WA lady who has been lovely and understanding. Iv Just been really up and down lately and that’s why I went to the doc.
I’m usually quite a independent and determined person (that part of me has been suppressed for a while) but I know what you mean, it’s do or die, we have to keep fighting our own battles and rely on ourselves in the end, only we can get through and overcome this. Deep down I know this, sometimes I just need reminded, plus i could really do with a hug!
I hope no-one is put of by my experience, I would hope the majority of docs etc will be supportive its just the few that may not.
Thanks for your support I really appreciate you and all the ladies on here x

[Sleepypigeon]

He never asked if I had any support,( I have spoken with WA), I never told him this due to his response. I’m still shocked by it tbh. I would have thought it was a “safe space” and with so much about domestic abuse I expected a better response. I’m glad you had a more sympathetic doc, im sure there not all like mine.
I do feel that I should complain to the practice but right now don’t feel like I can, why is everything a battle when your in this situation? Feel like I’m constantly fighting, to get through everyday

[Sleepypigeon]

Iv been on the website as I wasn’t sure who the practice manager was or if there was one as was only aware of Dr’s nurses and those on reception who are not the friendliest (not all of them). I don’t recognise the name,or how you would contact them. My main reason for today’s visit was, to speak to the doc regarding recent ex and to get a referral for a Councillor I spoke to before, who was helpful, so hopefully he’s done this at least, although I know the waiting list will be long. I don’t have much faith in my surgery, the Dr’s have changed frequently and the other local surgery is not taking new patients so I’m stuck where I am. This doc has previously been kind and helpful so today’s visit did upset me with his response.

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, im so sorry I did not see your reply until now. How are you? Have you been able to get in contact with your local womans aid? If you go on to the website or Google womans aid in your area you will get a contact number, there is also an online chat facility available. I hope you have been able to find someone for some “one to one” help. Stay safe, take care x

[Sleepypigeon]

I’m not dealing with it, that’s the problem. It took so long to tell someone, him, then he did that. I’m great at blocking and disasociating but this realisation which hit me like a train after talking to WA has shaken me. It has brought out feelings I’m struggling with, and trying to keep a lid on at the same time. Things are all still raw and doing my best to keep going day to day. And lots of anger. But no proof, and he gets away with it, that’s hard to get past. Trying to concentrate on me but it’s difficult. Thanks for your reply x

[Sleepypigeon]

Thank u, I like how that sounds, such a lovely analogy,im still in that cocoon but hopefully I will be a butterfly someday. Sending hugs to u (cause we could all do with one sometimes) x

[Sleepypigeon]

I’m so sorry you have been through this also, and my apologies for not acknowledging that in my reply. Still getting used to this forum, and emotions are all over the place this last while, but no excuse. I appreciate your response and this forum is a lifeline just now. Sending hugs

[Sleepypigeon]

I’m so sorry you have been through similar, and sorry I never acknowledged this in my reply. Im still up and down emotionally and appreciated your response to my post.sending hugs.

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