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    • #128382
      Nova
      Participant

      That’s really tough as they seem all lovely to everyone. My horrible ex was exactly that! Took me years to figure him out…I had to leave & go no contact. I know that’s a huge decision & has to be absolutely safe & supported by professionals. It’s not an easy choice to make as they play constant mind games …so you have no idea what’s actually going on…he’s manipulative & controlling that’s abuse, it all goes on & ppl you know wonder …really who is she talking about, seems so nice etc!

      We all know about that & are here to support each other!

      Any time chat πŸ™‚ Nova

    • #128374
      Nova
      Participant

      100% with you iliketea…& great supporting words from all other women!

      It’s TOUGH I feel v similar I do wonder like you what the heck happened…things do seem meaningless & heavy like walking through mud, & everything takes so much effort. I won’t go on as I can hear myself being dreary! But we are with you & I do wish I actually knew you all to go for coffee! Imagine the chats we’d have!

      Best wishes & hugs.. Nova

    • #128373
      Nova
      Participant

      Sorry to hear this…I can relate ppl just say whatever they want, they seem even less concerned to think about the effect on the person! Like anything goes! Say what you like as if it doesn’t matter!

      My sister ( the only person I’ve really confided in) said a similar thing recently (she’s a tricky person who I supported through her tough times!)..however she starts saying (detail removed by moderator)…rubbing it in…how we looked happy! All fake & her pretending like that’s an innocent ok comment! How utterly insensitive & cruel they can be!

      Omg I told her a million times do not mention him to me ever again. Why do they do that? It’s like she actually enjoying seeing me upset seriously I think I need a desert island!

      I hope you find some peace & quiet too πŸ€— thank G we can share experiences!

      Nova

    • #99241
      Nova
      Participant

      Hi Dobedo

      I understand your distress, its part of complex ptsd! As others have suggested counselling is a must to explore complex feelings & it helped me validate the experience as it’s so overwhelming & confusing & As we know manipulation over time feeds into cognitive dissonance, minimising… what’s real ? who is he ?what’s actually happening etc… Landing back in the ‘real world’ away from the abuser & & the reality of abuse takes time…it will I feel be with me forever (to a greater /lesser degree…depending on triggers)

      I accept that it happened I can’t just erase it! Importantly I will use this awful time, of more than a decade ( kept trying over & over to ‘make it work!) …to be pro active & use my voice to speak out, even on social media to raise awareness & let people know what red flags are what terms like hoovering love bombing gaslightIng actually mean! It’s my focus & it really helps me reject abuse & him. The more I do re getting involved in anti abuse campaigning and connecting…to empower others & myself the weaker his memory ‘control’ becomes! I also took a couple of courses & started volunteering…small steps lead to bigger ones…& life does gradually change. Of course I have bad days, like anyone, but I don’t let him define me or the experience. I’m working out n getting me back every day! Work in progress!

      Women together are stronger! Focus on your healing your life what you want to achieve in freedom

      Hugs & good healing vibes🌻

      Nova

      Ps …thanks Fizzylem for your response as this clearly maps out the abusive tactics & impacts on us.

    • #78366
      Nova
      Participant

      FYI…#thecourtsaid Petition link http://chng.it/Dp7dZV2Ff9

      & the FB page is called , Don’t look back with links to campaigning and information.

      @ LouHaigh is the MP for Sheffield who is supporting survivors please have a look and re tweet, so we can all make a difference

      Let’s rally together..get our voices heard for our children & our futures. πŸ‘πŸ»

      Together, we are stronger! Come on let’s do this!! πŸ™‚

    • #78365
      Nova
      Participant

      Morning..😊.lots of pro active campaigning happening.
      There’s a petition on change.org #thecourtsaid. calling for …A public enquiry into the treatment of DV survivors in family court.

      Also a list of MPs on Twitter who are backing a campaign to better protect victims of rape & DA being badly let down by the family courts.
      via Louise Haig MP if you wanted to add to this now is the time to write to your MPs and share.

      Also on FB lots of pro active activities…re a protest and writing your own messages to display in parliament square.

      Looks like big steps are being made ladies!!! We can get involved & we will make a difference for us all πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘ŒπŸ½

    • #78142
      Nova
      Participant

      Hi..sounds tough for you, be careful about discussing that you are leaving. Perps get..all , fake, emotional..the love bombing/hoovering starts..which no doubt you know all about, part of the abuse cycle, to drag you back in.

      If you are making a decision to leave.. make it all safe and sorted for you with all the support and protection for you and your children in place first. πŸ™‚

    • #78140
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks Kip I agree, toxic people are everywhere, the more we read and inform ourselves about these subjects the better. like most people I was so trusting & open and it got me into a abusive relationship. Now I have healthier boundaries, flying monkeys are difficult to deal with as they trigger constantly!
      I’m pleased to hear it’s working for you! Awareness is empowering πŸ‘ŒπŸ½

    • #78138
      Nova
      Participant

      Hi
      I watched the film & big lies little lies. Both tough to watch though I think its a extremely important way of raising awareness! I’ve had conversations with other women about their relationship issues ( obviously abusive) by using these as a starting point.
      In my experience I was searching for years for an ‘answer’ to the situation …never heard of coercive control, so for me..the more raising awareness the better as its so difficult to explain even for us survivors.

      I’ve been told about a play called..Smack That has anyone seen it? I can’t find where it’s on at the moment, sounds very powerful. 🌼

    • #47259
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks Ayanna, I cant afford one either just loaned money for even an initial consultation. That will be all I can do I cant take it any further. Rang ROW literally over 30+ times and ALWAYS engaged.
      I have left no stone un-turned before I have reached this point. the stress as we all know is crippling…Will keep battling.
      Cuppa

    • #47237
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks Confused…had a horrendous day, just couldn’t stop crying…saw some wedding pictures cried heard a song cried looked at myself in the mirror cried again. I know it’s ‘good to let it all out’ but really to be on the road to recovery, then massive thud brought back…to this all again.

      I just look at other people and think where the f did I go wrong? Why am I so trusting? How did I get here in this mess?…my life a mess and the anxiety is literally stopping me in my tracks, I can’t think of ideas anymore, ways forward. All my usual…’go to’ has gone!

      I don’t seem to have anybody around me at all …I’m being honest to just talk to. The nice parts of my ..old life…has disappeared..I keep trying really hard to put new happy stuff in place…which works for a nano second…and life just keeps dishing our huge portions of cr*p
      Literally falling apart. We survivors need a sanctuary a place to call home a drop in to drop into for a chat and a cuppa …honestly a place to go to where I can ask questions and get face to face support. Not counselling just a friendly face would do! I’m sick of…having to put a ‘ brave’ face on!
      Gets too much doesn’t it!

      What can we do to make this happen…WA? Anybody?! Wouldn’t it be amazing a light somewhere for us to network and not be isolated. Like a forum …in real life! ;))

      Cx

    • #47211
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks…yes I’ve been doing great..and then because of. Legal happenings it has dragged me right back into anxiety mode.
      What’s tough is still having to deal with him after all this time, although this fingers crossed will be closure…in practical terms…mentally it’s a different story. One step at a time, have to dig deep and not let the b grind me down, it is literally me against him again…that is what I wanted to avoid..he’s of course loving it…still trying to manipulate and control!
      Though I exposed the reality of his wrath to family and the lawyer..and they now get it. He didn’t want that of course to be X posed still trying to play Mr Nice!

      Getting there! Thanks for your kind words X

    • #45003
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks and likewise all the love and positivity back at you ladies.

      I will be posting from my Summer job …..how could I not!
      Keep strong
      Big love
      Cx

    • #45002
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks ladies as long as we stick together and support each other with peace and love…that women share on a daily basis…the world will be a better place.
      Always remember You learn much more about a person…at the END of a relationship,..than at the beginning …so true and don’t we know it.

      Lots of love Cx 🌼

    • #44659
      Nova
      Participant

      Itmustbemeaurely…please know you are you a decent woman who is living with a ‘ thing’ that transfers ALL his negative crap onto you.
      I like you & all the all ladies have experienced this explosive nightmare..and yes it does make us confused shaky shut down unable to think straight.
      It’s not you at all. I feel so angry for you..that your even in the same space as that.
      Sharing ..I was in your shoes …I ran to a train station in such a state ..one night and sat in the rain…no way out…had to go back or sleep there..when I got back he was just watching TV like nothing had happened!!…best bit ..now I am out for good ..it can happen.
      I feel your pain IMBT…try to go out try to distance yourself physically give yourself time to think..some head space is what you need and support.
      Ring WA chat it over.
      Sending you hugs.
      Cx

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