ladiesand gentlemen

[ladiesand gentlemen]

ALL the above
Well done you give us all hope
Take care xx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Thank you to all xx stay safe xx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Thank you SO much Hereforhelp
I have taken your advice and despite living together have gone no contact,hopfully no contact will stop the accusations that I am the abuser.
just (detail removed by Moderator) has been (detail removed by Moderator) again so as to blame me for the bruises !!!!
Thank you once again, hope all is well for you
Take care, stay safe xx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Thank you SO much xx
We are still together, living in the same house, I’m in one room “guarding the paperwork”
I have broken myself trying to sort all this out for many many years !!!!
I will speak to CAB when I get the chance ?
Thank you, stay safe xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Thank you SO much xx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Same here.I’m so sorry for all you are having to go through !!!
Stay strong xx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Thank you SO much ladies
I have decided to not talk to him at all now, that way I cant possibly be accused of anything !!!
Stay safe xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

This is exactly what they are like
Mine says its all me too, refuses to except responsibility for ANYTHING and will NEVER help anyone unless he gains from it !!!
He will twist every situation to his benefit, even if it means being horrible to our grown up child, he is a vile selfish person.
I have ALWAYS been the “perfect wife” its NEVER enough for him.
Outside he is charming and chatty, yet behind closed doors he ignores, throws things,shouts,and generally makes us feel terrified to talk about anything, always sulking.grumpy,banging about etc !!!
I have managed through terrible ill health to gain the strength to talk on here.
keep going,stay strong,and most of all stay safe xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Same here !!!!
He does this all the time
One minute putting out the washing, the next hitting me around the head and twisting my arm !!!!
I am now taking photos, keeping a diary, and clothes that have been ripped or have blood on.
He will NEVER except blame for ANYTHING, its ALWAYS somebody else’s fault(usually mine)
Now refusing to help me pay debts including one to a close family member, its SO SO hard to cope with, I live in one room, do my fair share of chores, its never enough for him !!!
His multiple marriages now make me see, he is a cruel manipulative monster
So yes this is what they are like, make us feel as bad as possible, then do something nice(until the next time)
Take care, stay strong xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Tobfree and Anonymous
I could have written this post myself
My H is exactly the same, charming and supportive at first, turns out he is a two faced monster !!!!
I too have fibromyalgia, caused by all the stress and trauma, plus other physical illnesses and a nervous breakdown, he even pushed me around in the hospital (detail removed by moderator) !!! charming to to the doctors, vile to me.
he will NEVER EVER take responsibility for ANYTHING !!!!!!
I have managed to free myself in my mind, the abuse continues, and the silent treatment is ALL part of that abuse, I have given everything I have over the years, its NEVER enough for them
Take care ladies xoxoxoxo

[ladiesand gentlemen]

ME TOO xxxxxx
I talk to my pets ALL the time xx
They dont judge or get moody, they just love and want to cuddle(with no consequences)
I have found since removing my head from him(we live together)that the animals come to me more and are far more relaxed xx
Keep talking to them its fine, and it brings so much to a sad dangerous situation
They love it too xoxoxoxo
Take care ladies and all the pets that love us xoxoxoxoxo

[ladiesand gentlemen]

EXACTLY what put he kettle on said.
They love to confuse, and will NEVER take the responsibility
Remember who made you feel so sad and lonely !!!
Take care xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

PLEASE PLEASE get some help
it not you its him, this is what abusers do, and it gets worse the weaker we get, try to remove him from your head at least.
Speak to your GP,or anyone you can trust, we are ALL here for you xxx
In the meanwhile, keep a diary, take photos of anything you can (detail removed by Moderator) etc
They are so vile, and he does NOT deserve you AT ALL !!!!
Take care xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

DISGUSTING behaviour !!!!!!!
PLEASE take all the advice from these ladies, he doesn’t deserve you or the children.
Keep in touch and talk to Lisa one to one, she is amazing xxx
Stay safe and your little ones too
Could you family help ? they will be glad you have reached out to them
Love and support from an older lady with a grown up daughter xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Not an expert, just a Mum who would be very worried about you too.
I have started to do this, keep a diary, take photos of your bruises, speak to a professional, women’s aid one to one, citizens advice, your GP,a trusted friend or relative
Absolutely no need to feel embarrassed, it’s HIM at fault here, not you, we all understand, you have been VERY BRAVE just reaching out in this way
Could you go and stay with Mum for now ?
Stay safe xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Stand you ground, he is not entitles to your house, maybe half in a divorce(however unlikely with children) same with the money, keep all your paperwork safely hidden, change logins, passwords whatever you have to do to protect yourself.
Do you have trusted family member of friend. I told my family after decades of abuse and I was surprised how much they had suspected and they were all there to help(even an email helps)
They will TRY to get everyone on their side, eventually they too, will see exactly what he’s like !!!
and the children will make up their own minds(when they are old enough)
He cannot take your reputation, that’s yours, keep your head held high(if you can) TRY to remove him and toxic friends from your mind.
You may find more peace this way, they will NEVER win with things that really matter.
If need be ? speak to your GP.they may be able to offer support, PLEASE protect your mental health, he is NOT worth losing it over !!!
All the ladies on here are right behind you xxx
Stay safe xxx

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[ladiesand gentlemen]

I think animals FEEL the bad energy !!!
My cats sure do, and even the hamster doesn’t like him picking her up
It ALL about giving the impression that they are good people, completely different in reality, its just another being to control and scare !!!!
And the dogs will always try to make someone love them, only they show fear along with the waggy tail, our dogs were just things to show off about !!!! they have all passed now, and I have vowed no more dogs
Stay safe to you all and the children and animals xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

My beautiful dog(rescue)was fine with me, and we were gaining confidence together, he started walking her when I was ill and she turned into a nervous wreck, of course she got the blame !!!!
ALWAYS showing the dogs off when people asked, crates all the time at home !!!
He threatened to stamp on my daughters hamster, rolling the sofa around when she was free running in the lounge.
He is ALWAYS threatening to let my beloved house cats out, they would of course be terrified, and they will not go into a room if he is in the doorway or hanging around
One time I had to make the decision(at the vets) to put my “soulmate” cat to sleep, he stood over me saying to make my mind up, and are you doing it or not, I was totally inconsolable, not a glimmer of support or a tear shed on his part !!!
He NEVER EVER cries when we lose someone, not for his parents, my parents,siblings,or for ANY animals large or small, he is an awful awful person and very dangerous to the mind and body.
Everything you have ALL said rings true with me
Stay safe ladies xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

PLEASE get some external help
Speak to your GP,Health Visitor,Womens Aid(one to one)or your local women’s centre
I did have a nervous breakdown, after many many years of abuse and neglect, its a horrible terrifying thing to happen and you MUST seek help before your mind goes too far.
He will always duck out of responsibility, that’s what they do !!!!
You deserve SO much more and have a great deal on your plate
PLEASE get help
Take care xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

meant me not my

[ladiesand gentlemen]

My husband is exactly the same !!!
The cats are frightened of him, they will not go into a room if he is there, I now have them with my all the time, if they go downstairs near him, I take the door keys away, he always threatens to let them out in the hope they will get lost or hurt !!!
He shouts at them one minute, stroking the next.
He has in the past held dogs muzzles closed until they start crying or backing away !!!
Uses dog crates as prisons, for hours and hours, until I dare to comment that its cruel
He loves the attention of having animals, especially showing them off in public, he never trains them, worms or de fleas them ,and would NEVER even attempt to give them medication.
I have had to return puppies and dogs to rescue, just because he cant cope with them, he has COMPLETELY broken my heart, my animals are my life, and I will NEVER leave them alone with him !!!
He was the same with our child, hated the attention I got in hospital, so yes its the same where children are concerned, even now she is an adult, he hates the lack of control he has over a young adults, and will get very very moody if they dare to disagree !!!!
The last week or so with him has been hell, its NEVER his fault, whatever happens, always feels sorry for HIMSELF !!!!!
I am stronger now than ever before, and he cant touch my heart or spirit anymore.
Thank you to ALL the ladies on here, we have to hold each other up
Take care of yourselves, the children and the fur babies too xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Its not you its HIM.
This behaviour is defiantly abuse and it will, I’m afraid get worse.it starts off quite subtlety and by the end you doubt your whole self, mentally this is very dangerous, he sounds cruel and controlling !!!
From my own experience, PLEASE consider the hard decision to leave him before anymore damage is done to your mind( I ended up with a complete mental breakdown)and various serious physical conditions, totally ruined my life, taken me years and years to get anywhere near my normal(pre him) self.
Its the drip drip nature of abuse, then over time you get lost in it all !!!!
The physical control over your hair clothes etc is part of a much bigger problem with HIM !!!!
Sad to say this is ALL classic abuse. He will get worse, the weaker you feel, the more control he has.
You have made a VERY brave step already, keep reaching out and seek advice, tell relatives/friends you trust, for YOU and you child.
That gut feeling is your subconscious telling you to get away, And its DEFINATLY him not you.
They break us down SO far, stay strong, everyone is behind you, the ladies on here have heard it all.
Take is easy on yourself xxxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

PLEASE get some advice on how to leave.
Mine did this and eventually ended up raping me (in the worst way possible)
It must be extremely hard for you with the children, ask for help, start with your GP,Health visitor?
This kind of abuse will escalate, they love the fear and control.
YOU and your children deserve more, much more !!!
At the end of the day the housework can wait, he sounds like that’s just another way to control and belittle you, I USED to feel like this and have realised over time that’s its HIM that’s not good enough
!!!
Confide is someone you trust or an agency, Citizens Advice ?
Disability charity ? Social Services ?
Try blocking him in your head at first(it really helps)
Stay safe. Look after yourself xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Not an expert on this (Just a Mum)
Pull away from them, look after yourself, gather your thoughts, lick your wounds, they may well realise over time what they are doing is horrific and cruel !!!!
Do you have anyone you could confide in ? other relatives/friends ? someone you can trust ? Maybe your GP ?
PLEASE dont worry about them getting older(they should know better at their age) they have ages yet to take a look in the mirror at themselves.
Sometimes we have to cut off contact, some people are too toxic to continue with !!!
I cannot imagine how painful this is for you, try to hold your head high, THEY are at fault here not you, and at the end of the day they are losing out on a wonderful sensitive person like you.
I have myself removed toxic people out of my life, and with time the pain does lessen and your self esteem WILL get stronger.
YOU are NOT a bad person, that’s their way of being as spiteful as possible.
Try to get on with your life as best as you can, reach out to anyone you trust and the ladies on here are ALL warriors
Take it easy, stay safe.xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

ALL of the above
This will escalate, do whatever you have to do to keep your Daughter safe, as she grows she will give you more strength EVERY day.
These men will do ANYTHING to keep control and they NEVER accept the blame for whatever goes wrong !!!!
I had the same problem, they poison your very being. Make you lose yourself !!!
Its taken me a very very long time to get my head straight, along with a body that cannot take anymore pain and illness.
PLEASE make plans to leave(dont tell him anything YOU dont want him to know)
Confide in someone you trust, it will be easier to have someone behind you
Take is easy, stay safe. Look at your Daughter she is totally reliant on your love and protection.
Love and virtual hugs xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Meant to say OF yourself(half asleep !!!)

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Stay STRONG
You CAN do this
Take care oy yourself xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Its NOT YOU its him, as you can see we all know what he’s doing and why, he will continue until you break away from him(in your own mind at first)so many of us have experienced the same thing, they will use any tactic to get what they want and to keep control.
I WAS exactly the same as you from a happy positive person to a shuffling(Literally)wreck, unsure of every decision always checking with him first, doing ALL I could to please him, it was never enough, never good enough, he completely destroyed me in every way possible.
I would talk to Women’s aid, your GP,anyone you can trust, I did that recently with my wider family and was surprised just how much they had worked out for themselves.
As we cant reveal ages on here, just to say as an older lady, PLEASE get away from him as soon as you can, this will get worse !!!!
Maybe you are a sensitive person(they like that)in my mind its perfect to be sensitive, makes YOU a very valuable person and you DONT need this horror in your life !!!!
Its really really hard to break away(you think you love him) PLEASE believe me when you break that last little bit of bond, you will feel 10 feet tall and stronger than ever.
Ignore him, see how that goes for now, YOU are SO MUCH better than this relationship
Stay safe, believe in yourself
Take it easy xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Sounds SO much like my life, treading on eggshells, trying again and again to make it work. Its HIM never YOU. They make us THINK we rely on them, mine was the same making me have short hair, dowdy clothes, if fact he took ALL of ME away, stopped listening to my music, stopped dancing, stopped laughing etc etc
They want to take over, and when challenged they get the hump, changing mood with the wind Jekyll and Hyde, charming to others miserable with us, ALL classic abuse tactics !!!
The quick to anger thing is classic too, they cannot control themselves, road rage, angry with animals and children, easy to do that if your a big bully, yet they want all the glory if their child has done well, I have been through exactly the same, trying SO hard to make him love me, NEVER getting anything back.
Not talking to you is another control tactic, make you feel like its your fault, they NEVER admit that they are at fault, ALWAYS work,parents,kids,the slow driver etc ALL classic narcissist behaviour !!!
its REALLY REALLY hard, but PLEASE get away from him, those glimpses of the man you fell for WILL get less and less and from what I know and what I’ve read on here it WILL get worse !!!
Read some other posts, the ladies on here have seen it all, have great advice and will support you with what they say ,and you will get strength you probably, at the moment dont think you have.
Stay strong, hold your head up high ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
Keep posting, keep reading, keep reaching out,
Take care of yourself xxx

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Thank you SO much Lisa
I am having to be VERY careful who I contact as he checks my laptop, I am also having to “Guard” the household paperwork as he keeps threatening to take all the money we use for bills, and to scrap my car as it currently needs repairs
I am getting stronger every day, long road to travel with my current health problems
I will keep ALL your advice in mind
Thank you once again, it means the world to know you are all there xxx

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