itmustbemesurely

[itmustbemesurely]

Mine did this too, texting 10-20 times a day – if was out with friends it was worse, he would message me and if I didn’t respond I’d know that I was in trouble when I got home – it’s really horrid and not until you are out of it that you realise that it’s not right

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I never get used to it either lovely, I’ve lost everything and he doesn’t give a sh@t he’s happy love bombing his next victim, everyone says it takes time, you are strong but it is so bloody hard realizing you were married to a narcissist
vile bully who only thinks of himself, we’ll get there sweetheart xxx

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I get it, I feel exactly the same. 100% how can they behave like they’ve done nothing wrong. How can they get away with it, there seems to be no consequence space whilst I am left reeling jumpy scared anxious and fearful . You are free now too but I guess it takes time, my friends too think i should be over it I’m sure, but I’m not and I don’t get it. I’m like you with anger it comes over me in waves, we will get better but it will take time and have to be kind to ourselves xx sending strength and love xxx

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thanks so much, you know how it is to doubt yourself to such an extent you don’t believe what actually happened…I know too he is ‘love bombing’ this woman, it’s text book – enjoying all the things she does and likes, her hobbies are now his hobbies, her life is now his life, he has stepped into it as he did mine. It is like a mirror image, I don’t want someone else to feel and be treated like I was, but am fearful as I know I will be portrayed as the ‘mad bitter ex-wife’ xxxx

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I was emotionally and financially abused too, my ex got so much debt the house has to be sold, I too don’t know where we will live as the equity I have and the mortgage I can get isn’t much – for this city anyway. Every ounce of judgement and faith I had in myself has gone, years of name calling and verbal abuse have meant sense of self is zero….people don’t get how long it takes to recover, they think because he’s out of my life I should be able to cope. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t I too don’t know what to do, am physically sick with anxiety and worry, try as I might to be positive it’s hard – but we will get there my lovely, be it small steps. You are doing amazingly well xxx

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No you are not being too sensitive this is abuse, it is control. Please please please don’t ever doubt yourself, or your instincts. I wish I hadn’t and was in a very similar position – in the end I thought it was normal and became a shadow of my former self. I had everyone thinks you are stupid and a crap Mum….was told I was fat, told I made a fool of myself, that he didn’t trust me, text me constantly…stay safe sweetheart – it isn’t you xx

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my ex went bankrupt, he ran up debt in his name, didn’t tell me to the extent of if until he as petitioned for bankruptcy by the inland revenue….I’m loosing my home but because although we are not together the house was a joint asset – there isn’t anything I can do despite the abuse – financial, verbal, emotional and control – I would do as the other ladies say, most organisations will help as long as you are seen to be doing something and a debt plan is a great idea. Once this is set up, I’d try to save – even if a bare minimum to protect yourself and have an escape. I wish I’d done that, as right now I feel like his taken me down with him at times. You can do it my lovely xxxxxx just got to grab all the help you can xxx

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Mine pays but leaves it to the last minute and I have to ask several times, he refuses to set up a standing order so I have to ask each month. He also says that he won’t pay a penny unless I behave a certain way, I can not be angry or say what i think – he swears at me and says that was my ‘final warning’ you won’t get a penny off me followed by all the usual expletives. He takes the children out to do exciting things, puts on a show for others to see, and portrays me as the mad unreasonable one.

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it’s my anger that’s bad at the minute, he seems to be getting away not just with the abuse but also this financial mess, he is bankrupt and has lost our home, yet walks away leaving me to sort it out even after years of name calling and threats….part of me wants to tell his new much younger girlfriend what she’s letting herself in for, I don’t want to be bitter and angry anymore, I want to be happy, not have the constant financial stress, I want to be carefree and full of joy but just don’t know how to get there…

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Thanks DIYmum, you are right it is so good to have this as a support and chat to people who get it, a lot of my friends don’t understand why months later I am not just over it and moving on…..he’s having fun and I am spaced out on medication it sucks!! sending a virtual hug back!

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is it mean to wish him and her ill? I’m angry today, but I don’t want them to ever be happy, I want them to suffer like me..my friends say that karma will come but I now too darn well he will come up smelling of roses!

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Thanks for your kind words xxx I have nothing, my children will have no home because of his financial abuse, as you know it’s so bloody hard picking yourself up when you’ve been battered by abuse and control. My confidence is at zero and he’s won,it seems so unfair. I’m a mess mentally and physically because of him and this situation, I honestly don’t know how I can pick myself up, I have friends but don’t want to go out in case I see him and her, had my hair done and looked in the mirror and saw this sad, old, bitter woman looking back with lines and eye bags the size of suitcases….I am sure I will get there but it’s taking so blinking long

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he doesn’t care if I don’t have any contact with him, he doesn’t want me to contact him, he has blocked me from all forms of contact expect email, which is what he uses to arrange pick up in two word emails, but refuses to let me know when he is dropping off. If I don’t behave in a certain way he refuses to pay, he can do what he likes, go out when he likes, spend what he likes, has a home. I am ugly, useless, miserable and a failure, I can’t even pull myself together that’s how c’@p I am…

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if I do that we won’t pay and I rely on that money, I just don’t know how to get over the thing that he is happy and I have nothing, am far from happy and am in the midst of loosing everything because of him, I really don’t know..he doesn’t message me that often but when he does its either just telling me whats happening or abuse nothing else…I just want to shout at him but he won’t get it, he doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, think he is in his right to behave like he does. I hate him for what he has turned me into a mess on antidepressants. He has won

[itmustbemesurely]

I am the same too, I have had to make some huge decisions and can’t I doubt everything about myself, I can’t concentrate, can’t think, just what to curl up under the duvet and cry. I shake am physically sick, can’t get my breath, and long to be happy again. I feel like he destroyed every ounce of my being – to begin with I was running on adrenaline, and as this has gone from me I feel a wreck and all over the place – it’s so bloody hard, when will it end! sending love xxx

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thanks for your kind words, it’s odd because now I just feel overwhelmed with everything, like my body is dealing with shock rather than living on adrenaline like it was for years..is that normal I can literally feel the stress and tension so goodness knows how hard it must be for my boy, it breaks my heart and I stupidly thought he would be better once his dad left but he is suffering more – like a shock too I guess xx

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thanks Shipoffools, he has limited contact with his Dad, who refuses to set up a standing order for maintenance – just for control of course, he is a bully but he is now really happy he says and it makes me angry we are left with the aftermath, I am going to the GP tomorrow to speak to them about how both me and my son feel. I am aware it’s atypical of abusive behaviour, casting blame and not facing up to anything thinking he’s always right. I have to continue to stay strong and not engage at all with him, he is now love bombing his next victim, he is taking her away whilst he never did that for his children, it’s hard to rise above when the people are love the most are struggling because of his actions, although it’s my fault of course like everything is

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Thanks KIP, he has blocked me from every type of communication apart from email and contacts my son directly – he is a teenager. he has a new much younger girlfriend, says he is happy and it’s perfect, if it is why does he continue to want to destroy me??

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I feel like that too, my husband went bankrupt and has left me to sort out the dreadful mess whilst he love bombs his new very young girlfriend, festivals, holidays abroad, weekends away, it sticks in my throat that he made my life a living hell for years with his vile behaviour and I am so bl***dy angry I don’t know how to get over it…..I am bitter that my life is like this because of him, but have to keep a brave face on..if anyone else says to me to stay strong I think I will scream!! My counsellor said that he thought I had PTSD given the emotional bullying and some days are am a shaking wreck, but I have to build my life back – so I get it, message me anytime you want @backtome

I have to call or text my friends if I want to rant, being angry with him isn’t allowed – I have to get over it and move on, it’s my mess now and he is enjoying his life….a real narcissist

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he only contacts me when it’s about seeing the kids, we were due to be made homeless because of his debts months ago but he never asks whats happening, ne doesn’t care, he has blocked me on phone, messenger, all social media and text, and only emails me. If I show any signs of criticism to him he threatens me, has said I’m harassing him, the language he uses is horrid and he has threatened me with loosing my job, that I’m a crap mother, that I am stopping him seeing the kids..I am ignoring him but have to get him to sign paper work and rely on his maintenance and I am really scared of him

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he refuses to give maintenance unless I agree to behave in a certain way FFS….he says he has moved on, so I have to get over it, there is nothing to get over I just want him to pay on time without fuss and stick to what he says about the kids – giving them priority

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mine does too, if I don’t behave in a certain way I won’t get another @@@@ing penny, I am am angry sl@g, a menopausal bitch, vile, nasty. a C’nt really horrid messages. He is seeing someone else but still has control over that, threatens non payment every single month and refuses to set up a direct debit or standing order so he can keep that power…why when he is supposedly in love???

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I know he is love bombing this new woman, who is almost half his age so no ties and a good job so he can enjoy the freedom whilst bowling her over, saying what an awful women that I threw him out when he was at his lowest because of the money issues….he is vile, a narcissist but I can’t help almost being jealous, odd I know but I want to do fun exciting things too and don’t want to be bitter. I have lots of really wonderful friends but I don’t to be lonely, which is what I feel, that and angry both for feeling like this and with him for just being able to walk away and have a life, when I feel like I don’t, very little money to do things and very little free time, he hardly sees the children. I know without a doubt that I am better off without him but what if I am stuck on my own bitter and miserable…just feel low I guess xxx

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same here, I don’t want him, I hate him but I crave the man he was in the beginning – like he is now treating this new girl who is half my age. I want them both to suffer, lead miserable sad lives, but they won’t – not yet. So i have to go out and make my own fun, start again, but like you he is putting her ahead of his children and that hurts. I too want to broadcast what he has done all over social media, he lost our home, we could be homeless in (Detail removed by moderator) yet he is out having a great time with a young woman showering her with love and affection – it sticks in my throat…not sure how I get over that!

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(Detail removed by moderator) . He says he is in love and it bloody hurts, I don’t understand why – I hate him.He has left us in a dreadful situation with the house and is in complete denial….how do I get over this???

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They will I guess, I have a strong bond with them, my son recognises that his Dad has ‘anger’ issues which is sad, but also says that ‘Dad seems happy now’ whilst I am bitter and angry in my mind because I have this dreadful situation to sort out. I just need to work out how to get the fun back in my life, and find some calm happiness which he has taken away from me

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I understand, I asked mine to leave last summer, had months of horrendous abuse, suicide threats, controlling behavior, threats to with hold money, name calling, swearing, threats of harming himself, me and any new partner I would have. then it stopped dead, no messages nothing. it was obvious someone was giving him attention and now it’s his ‘girlfriend’ how come when a few weeks ago he was telling me he couldn’t live without me? now he wants me to ‘leave us alone’ when he has lost his family home because of debts and I am left to sort it all out. I can’t stop thinking like you, maybe it was me, maybe it was my fault, and I can imagine them together what he is telling her, telling her he loves her after a month, love bombing her, abandoning his children not supporting them through this dreadful time – instead wining and dining someone young enough to be his daughter, it makes me sick. I am not sleeping and a ball of anxiety, yet he walks off happily into the sunset – when does the anger go? the disappointment, the betrayal, how do you get over years of coercive control and bullying?

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it was the same for me, undoubtedly he has problems but it only ever me who bore the brunt of his problems, he functioned normally with everyone else,albeit with a short fuse, I was the only one called names and shoved around, he never sent his mates those vile texts, called his colleagues or parents those horrid names, he never said they were stupid…I asked him to leave because of this behavior, but I ‘abandoned’ him when he needed me the most and his mental health took a downward spiral….he still went to work every day, to the gym, football, pub but it was my fault….mental health isn’t an excuse for bad behavior…stress played a huge part no doubt.. please be careful and look after yourself xx be kind to you

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I know how you feel, mine shoved me yesterday and shouted calling me a f@@@@@@ c**t yet still today I miss him, he’s met someone else I feel and am physically sick. I can’t eat, haven’t properly for weeks, every time I do it comes straight back up – she’s (detail removed by Moderator) years younger than me, she’s fun I’m a washed up menopausal women, it hurts like hell

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I guess it is, it’s just the loneliness that’s hard too xx I swing from hate to love like a pendulum and it’s so bloody hard….today I hate him yesterday I wanted to lie with him, but I know in my heart of hearts it’s grief xxx thanks so much for your kind words xx

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