Whosthatgirl

[Whosthatgirl]

It’s not helped by the fact that statistics of abuse on men include these false accusations by abusers. This scews the figures to make it look more common than it is so they are then believed. It’s sick!

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks hun. I know you’re right. The problem is that press conference was woolly so i think he’ll argue it. He fought tooth and nail for access and only got it to the youngest due to abuse of our eldest but the court and cafcass really screwed up and left us very exposed to his crap. He will be scheming somewhere right now.

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks Fizzylem. Such brilliant advice. I will definitely keep this for guidance as we move forward. My problem is my son really only opens up to me and the court don’t believe me but your ideas are great and give me a way through it all x

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks. Oh fizzylem I really hope you get a better result. The court experience was a nightmare for me. My only advice is stick to your guns and don’t be forced into compromises too early in the case xxx

[Whosthatgirl]

And I’ve not heard from my son again. he stops him using his phone when he’s there. I feel sick

[Whosthatgirl]

I think you’re instinct to get far away is right hun. You’re not abusive for protecting yourself from his manipulation. Your head it’s spinning because you’re still in a relationship with him really. This dynamic he’s engineered is unhealthy and very risky for you. Go far away. If you really think contact is right for your child’s then do it through a contact centre so you don’t see him but i think you need advice as to whether that’s the way to go. Speak to WA and your gp and see what advice they give based on your history with this man but my gut says if you’re being offered a place far away its because someone thinks that’s best for you x

[Whosthatgirl]

Can you tell him you were bleeding and saw a doctor whilst he was at work. You could say they aren’t worried but said no sex until you’ve had a scan? I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this xx

[Whosthatgirl]

Oh KIP, I think we were with the same man! Rainbowcloud, please don’t blame yourself x

[Whosthatgirl]

Thinking of you x

[Whosthatgirl]

Have you been yet? How did it go hun?

[Whosthatgirl]

Thank you Peacethroughhealing. I know i should count my blessings but with the way everything has been handled i know the abuse is about to ramp up too as they’ve basically told him he’s perfect. Love and strength to you xxx

[Whosthatgirl]

Will pm you x

[Whosthatgirl]

Tiffany is spot on. it all sounds very familiar. Please stop questioning yourself as its part of a cycle they trap you in to gain more and more control. He will ramp up the accusations until you end up apologising and giving in to him in some way. Be strong xx

[Whosthatgirl]

Oh i remember that one. Mine would vacuum when he knew i had done it. He would point to a crumb one of the kids had just dropped and tell me it needed doing again. Made me so unhappy. Now I’m on the other side I realise how constantly stressed I was but tonight, (detail removed by moderator) on, i find I’m cooking a meal he would have approved of but neither the kids or I really want! I stayed too long and its taking a long time to recover. Find a way out so you can relax if possible xx

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks xx

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks Kip. You too xx

[Whosthatgirl]

Thank you all. I’m ok thanks IWMB. I just feel shaken by every new mad bit of behaviour and though everyone tells me he’s showing his true colours, I just feel defeated. i think lack of sleep is getting to me. x

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks Ladies x

[Whosthatgirl]

Big hugs Kip xx

[Whosthatgirl]

Sending hugs Kip. Your support has given me the strength to fight for my kids to be safe.im not giving up even though he’s trying to break me with his lies. Please know how brilliant you are. Your kids will find their way back to you I’m sure xxx

[Whosthatgirl]

Agree with all that’s been said above but just wanted to add that you are not attention seeking. That’s an old belief that he planted along with damaging your self worth. Reach out for the help you need and in the short term the Samaritans really are amazing xxx

[Whosthatgirl]

Please just do as Kip suggests. I promise once you are away from him, the strength will come back to you faster than you think. You are strong to have survived so you can definitely do it. I let myself take his nonsense for (detail removed by moderator) years and i will never get them back but the sense of freedom and relief is amazing, even with the bad days and lies I’ve had to listen to. Everything you need to do this it’s out there if you look for it and demand it. i promise x

[Whosthatgirl]

Seeing your fears takes me back to exactly where i was. I believed he’d get custody and that i would not be able to protect the children. Be strong and recognise that’s all part of his brainwashing. I believed he’d fool everyone, but can tell you they have seen it all before. If you’re worried about his affect on your daughter, fight him. I got legal aid, much to my surprise because I was believed. I didn’t think i would be but the truth shines through because unlike their lies the truth stays constant. Reach out to your gp, WA and anyone offering support. Sending strength xxx

[Whosthatgirl]

Oh Kip. You are wonderful! That’s exactly what i needed to hear. I’ve blocked he and his family on fb and i don’t post much and nothing about our situation as I’ve been paranoid about him knowing anything. I’ve been doing the freedom programme and realise he’s text book so was probably always unfaithful too. I am genuinely so relieved to be out of it I almost feel guilty about the next poor soul. Thank you x

[Whosthatgirl]

Sending you hugs. I was where you are (detail removed by moderator) and am only free because he threw a tantrum and left (he didn’t mean to of course) and I didn’t let him back. Finances are hard but without having to deal with him I am working through my problems and solving each one. If you can get yourself to a refuge and get your head clear you will find a way. I still feel terrible guilt for what my kids went through but we are all slowly healing and you and your little one will too xx

 

[Whosthatgirl]

Yes I know exactly what he’s up to. I’m just so flipping tired and it all goes on and on. 😔

[Whosthatgirl]

This was me (detail removed by moderator)..and then we had 2 kids. I can assure you it won’t improve. Mine walked out in a fit of peak (he admitted he expected me to beg).and i took my chance to get him out of my life but he’s now trying to take the kids, one of whom he hurt because he didn’t know to back down like I did. Please protect yourself honey and escape before it gets any harder x

[Whosthatgirl]

Im brazening it out. i kept quiet for so long and although talking about it felt humiliating at the start, I know the only way to heal is to accept the truth and for me that requires me to name it. Not for everyone I’m sure but people have been surprisingly supportive and you
realise they noticed more than you thought even if they didn’t realise the extent of it. It helps when they share the things they found odd or that they worried about. Helps you realise that it was real and you need that as time goes on, as you can start to question yourself as more lies emerge. Has to be when it feels right though so don’t put a time on it. You will talk when you’re ready x

[Whosthatgirl]

Thanks Tobfree,
Police dropped it after interviewing him so no justice there. Now hes using it against me to try and get the kid. Im being victim blamed already and accused of alienation. so far from the truth!

[Whosthatgirl]

Loving these. still struggling every moment but i won’t be broken xx

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