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    • #161311
      Daff
      Participant

      Thanks everyone, I’ve had a lot of time to myself recently and I think I’ve kept myself busy to avoid dealing with it fully. Knowing that it’s OK to feel like this helps, all I’ve wanted to do today is cry. My mind is over thinking and it’s not in a good place at the moment.

    • #147806
      Daff
      Participant

      I have a court order in place and it states school hoildays are 50/50. Everything is left until last minute with him and if I say no I have to explain myself, not even to him but the 3rd party whos involved. He’s even arguing with the kids about it. It’s unfair the kids can’t arrange anything with their friends because they are worried about upsetting him. Its all a mind game to them.

    • #147493
      Daff
      Participant

      Thank you both for your kind words. I’ve been out for a long while now and while we have no direct contact he still seems to find ways to get around this through others. It affects the children and i cant stop it. Sometimes it hits we like a brick wall, and I feel like I should have stopped feeling like this. The flash backs had became less frequent but have started up again. I will contact the doctors this week.

    • #144679
      Daff
      Participant

      Thank you. I haven’t been in it for a good while now. But things seemed to get on top of me that day. I just felt like I couldn’t cope that day and didn’t know how to carry on. I had been doing well, so a disagreement with someone took me to a place in my mind that I couldn’t deal with at that point. I’ve been taking things at a slower pace this week and trying to stay in a routine as i find this helps. I feel guilty then as well for making the people around me worry, trying to put on a smile but isn’t always possible.

    • #139432
      Daff
      Participant

      My ex became obsessed with sex, everything was about it. When I said no it turned into I didn’t find him attractive, I must be getting it somewhere else. I felt like there was something wrong with me and did a lot of things that I was uncomfortable with. I did things for forgiveness, believing I was making his life miserable. He even told one of our children about an incident and it made them question whether or not everyone understands consent, if sex in marriage is a man’s rights. I’m starting to miss intimacy but don’t know if I could ever trust again.

    • #139051
      Daff
      Participant

      Its the sexual stuff, that really affects me. Things I did to keep the peace, things I did because I was making him so unhappy, things I did so he would forgive me. The silliest of things take me back and I forget how far I have come. I need to find the corner to take instead of going a round and around in circles.

    • #132708
      Daff
      Participant

      I have been able to manage dealing with it until yesterday but the things hes accusing me of now are life changing and in no way have anything to do with me. I was in contact with someone from womans aid but haven’t heard from them for a while. I have tried to message them but with no answer back. Feeling alone and scared and dont know anymore how to carry on

    • #130417
      Daff
      Participant

      Do they stop you feeling happiness, I lost myself during the relationship and want to find out which I am. I’m afraid that it would stop me from learning about me.

    • #130387
      Daff
      Participant

      A decent night sleep sounds good. I didn’t want to take them but after the panic attack I feel like I need something. I’m just so worried about the side affects and feeling spaced out. I look after the children by myself and need to be able to do things with and for them. I just want to try and move forward.

    • #130004
      Daff
      Participant

      I eventually went for testing today, it took me a while to pluck up the courage and to get an appointment. But it’s done it’s just waiting game now for results. Thank all for your kind words

    • #129709
      Daff
      Participant

      Hi not sure I’ve been out as long as you, but I can be having a good day then I receive a solicitor letter and I’m taken back to everything. I can’t think what the method is called but I look for 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear and 3 things I can touch. It grounds me, reminds that I am safe. I hope you feel better soon

    • #129626
      Daff
      Participant

      Thanks for your reply, I’m just so used to being busy. I’ve started looking into things to help me. I thought I would start feeling different/better straight away but I guess it’s about finding who you are as a person is well. I lost me somewhere along the lines and I’m finding that difficult.

    • #129490
      Daff
      Participant

      Hi I changed my number as soon as I left partly due to needing a new contract but he had other ways to contact me so I said to use them instead of giving my number out. I’ve had messages from him and his girlfriend plus her family members and the police told me to block them all. I tried to work with him for the children but there are safeguarding issues with him and his girlfriend. Hes not the person I thought he was especially when it comes to children. Our break up was very calculated and manipulated to ensure that I was seen like the bad person by every one we both know. ive come to realise it’s his way of still having a hold over my life but its still difficult and to see a time when I can fully move forward.

    • #128742
      Daff
      Participant

      I never usually do but struggling to get an appointment with the doctors. I have googled the sexual health clinic and I will phone tomorrow and will see if they are running with all services available. Thank you for your reply

    • #128250
      Daff
      Participant

      I agree they will never change, he moved on pretty quickly and if you listen to anyone who has seen him with his new partner they say how good he is to her. He likes people to see that he is someone who will do anything for anyone but in reality it’s all a front. I think this was another reason I thought it must be me, I’m starting to learn what the signs are now and have found some of them really surprising. Something such as them calling you love etc is away of taking your name away from you, your name is such a big part of your identity but its something as simple as that which can start to take a part of you away.its taking time to find out who I am again and I’m lucky to have the family I do, everything from emotional support to helping me financially when I neededtoget backon my feet. I don’t think I will ever tell them everything but they just ensure that I know they are there whenever I need them and I’m getting support from different agencies. I hate the fact that I feel sometimes that I’ve wasted so much of my life but I can’t change that now and can only hope I make the right decisions for me in the future. This site is full of strong females and its horrible to think that so many have gone through it, but it makes you feel that you can do it when you dont feel alone in what life has thrown your way. Sending hugs back your way

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