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    • #124795
      Daff
      Participant

      Thank you x.
      I have found out my ex has done this as well. Its like its never ending. I just want to be left alone and don’t think I can cope with much more. I know there’s people out there who are believing him. how do you move on when they wont let you.

    • #124309
      Daff
      Participant

      I was anxious all the time worried about what i was going home to. If he’d had a bad day it would be my fault something i had said or done, or even being told something reminded him of something that happened with me years ago. I would always be thinking what can i do different to make sure that his day was good. I asked every single day how was his day going but never got asked once. Its hard to understand why i couldn’t see what was going on but he would manipulate things so i would question things. In the end he didn’t even have to say anything i would automatically believe it was my fault. I didn’t even realise what had been going on until i left, but i left because of him becoming abusive in a sexual way. It was like he knew he could control me mentally and was moving onto his next stage. Im trying to concentrate on the future now not the past and one step at a time. I do understand that its not my fault but at times the question still pops up in my head if i had done things differently would he have been different. Realistically i know the answer is no but sometimes it doesn’t seem that simple

    • #123627
      Daff
      Participant

      Some days all i want to do is cry. Since not being with him he seemed to take it out on my eldest. Stepping out of the relationship i can see the control he had. We have to give ourselves time, sometimes i believe if i had been better things would have been different. There are still things to sort out but im hoping i have the strength to get through it.

    • #123616
      Daff
      Participant

      I can see the toll its taken on my parents, i hadnt intended on telling them but things happened and they knew there was more than i had told them. Since finding out the both haven’t been very well and im sure it has made them worse. They are hoping to do things in the future with the family and im hoping planning and doing stuff will help everyone concentrate on building new memories. Im hoping for a better future than past and thats what is keeping me going. Sending hugs hope your having a better day x

    • #123005
      Daff
      Participant

      After mediation speaking to my ex first, they phoned and said it was my choice but they didn’t think it was suitable. Ive received (detail removed by Moderator) dreading every moment of it but i guess he knows thats how i would feel. Mediation wont work with someone who will lie about things. Hope things go ok for you.

    • #122822
      Daff
      Participant

      Hi there are similarities in our experiences with the photos and messages to other women. He would say nothing physical happened so it wasnt cheating but in the end he would be out every night. Im not with him anymore and it was hardest thing i have done leaving, i had no friends. Now i live with my children and have 2 friends but, some days are ok and others are really hard,but coming home and him not being here, not being blamed for everything has made such a difference. You have the strength within you. You are worth so much more. Everything takes time and i think talking to people, the doctor etc will help. Unfortunately I dont think people like him will ever change no matter how many chances you give

    • #122309
      Daff
      Participant

      Thank you i have spoke to womansaid and the doctor. At this point i think it is what it is and theres no getting out of it. Im not allowed to speak about the things that he done to people we both know and i I left the relationship without any friends Im in in. Its a hole and i can’t get out.

    • #122141
      Daff
      Participant

      I haven’t told my family the full extent. They know theres more to it and have tried to push. But i dont feel ready and im not sure i want them to know. Theres nothing they can do and they are there if i need them but i think it would hurt my parents and they are not well. I dont think one of my siblings would take it well and i have no idea what their reaction would be if they saw him. I dont want my children to find out everything even though the one knows alot (not because i told them). Make sure your comfortable telling them and that you get the help you need. Some days i feel like i should tell them, others i dont. If it feels right i will but in my own time. I felt to that it was wrong to say anything , i had been told for so long it was my fault. You owe him nothing, but you owe it to yourself to do what feels right to you, what helps you move forward and find happiness. Try speaking to womans aid or your doctor,it has helped me.

    • #122134
      Daff
      Participant

      Thank you everyone. I have been out of routine this week which i dont think has helped. I thought the abuse had only started last year but when I look back i can see others things that happened, which isnt helping. I will look into yoga and give it a try and probably execute it badly. Im trying to move forward but theres things happening which are putting a halt to it, but im trying to take each day as it comes but its harder than i expect. Family can see that its more than just a break up but i don’t want to talk about it with them. I appreciate everyones help

    • #122077
      Daff
      Participant

      I guess it could be but i haven’t felt like this before. Im just hoping for a good night’s sleep and will hopefully feel like me tomorrow

    • #122075
      Daff
      Participant

      Do you have any idea why i would feel like this. I just don’t feel like me

    • #121812
      Daff
      Participant

      My ex used to message other woman and said it was my fault because i didn’t give him enough attention. Hes very good at people seeing what he wants people to see. After we spilt the children would side with him, lie and cover things for him. I stopped him seeing the children and stopped all contact between him and me. Now he uses one of the children to try and and get contact. They are starting to realise what he is like but its not what i wanted. I wanted to keep them out of things as much as possible. All i can say is now im not with him im more comfortable not afraid of what im going home to. Even if things are up in the air i hope theres light at tge end of the tunnel. You deserve to be happy, it may not be a easy road getting there but im sure you can.

    • #120517
      Daff
      Participant

      Ive contacted the doctors hopefully it will help. Hes been blocked by me but seems to think its ok to use the children as messengers. Its upsetting them and at this point im unsure how to help them.

    • #118982
      Daff
      Participant

      Thanks everyone, ive got a lot coming this year. Ive pushed things to the back of my mind which are coming to light. Im realising when i was told things by other people i should have believed them and not him. Feeling stupid and drained, afraid to tell the truth about somethings and worried about what will happen if i do, but also what will happen if i dont. I had a message from someone last night who is hiding their identity i have no idea who they are, dont know if something has happened or is going happen. Feels like a nightmare i can’t wake up from.

    • #118734
      Daff
      Participant

      Ive stopped my children from seeing their father due to safety concerns. Social services have said its ok as he will protect them (his new girlfriend has been having supervised visits with her own) they had no interest in his behaviour at all. I know im going to get its wrong stopping their father and hope cafcass will see why im doing it. Ive had questions coming from the one about consent. Im fighting all i can for my children but struggling with my own feelings as it feels like theres no time for me. Its the legal side im struggling with aswell (detail removed by Moderator). Im trying for legal aid (detail removed by Moderator), i haven’t told my family everything, but ive had help from my friend with the paperwork, i dont know if its right. (detail removed by Moderator), obviously his girlfriend has experience so i feel like they are in a better position than me. Do what you feel is right for you and your children, you know the situation. I hope you get all the help you need, ive been referred but not actually spoke to any one yet.

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