Bee1

[Bee1]

Hey there other bee, I haven’t been in here a while but I remember your posts from a while ago, when you were hoping to escape your trap relationship.
I hope you managed to leave it, 🙏🏼albeit an up and down recovery.
I sincerely wish you all the strength and a return of sunshine in your life, we Bees do like that 🙂 🐝
Care and patience.

[Bee1]

Hello other Bee,
I haven’t been in here for a while, and happened to read of your escape 👍👍👍
It takes a lot of courage, i know too well.
That comparison mind-chatter is tough to control isn’t it, time I think is the only thing that will help that naturally weaken its volume. I am quite a number of months out myself and I still get those pangs…
But not a day goes by when I don’t appreciate my peace, albeit a very lonely existence since, but he won’t walk through my door with all his trauma.
I know he will be bamboozling the next feed/s and in full swing of the charming best behaviour, I pity the next ones, they will find out true colours in time.
Enjoy your new wings of freedom, take good care of you now, be patient with yourself.
I know myself, it simply cannot be rushed. 💓

[Bee1]

I very much relate to the wide eyed realisation of the endured behaviour patterns once you get out and you can see more clearly. The muddle in the mind was so very confusing. I can’t believe what I put up with now I’m out of it.
I started to write a list of all his episodes I could remember, it helped alot, and the list was very long, really does bring some necessary perspective that makes your sense of peace much stronger.
Not a day goes by when I don’t truly appreciate my peace now, in the smallest little things. Gratitude is a wonderful thing.
Wishing you much strength and healing 💓

[Bee1]

It’s hard to take the damage that can still run on even after you’ve left. I wager the new woman is a mere emergency binge to feed the dented ego and try to cover up reality.
Remember love does not feel like this.
Acceptance is important.
It hurts so much because it’s wrong with this person, for whatever reasons they may have that underpins their behaviour. I tried to unravel my ex’s psychology/alcoholism for years with him to try and help us. Millions of hours talking and talking .
Never enough…never is, so I’m outta there! Before it nearly killed me.

Take your time hun, as muuuuuch as you need to heal. Be as kind to YOU as possible.
Wishing you strength, peace and that harmony is waiting for you, a little further down this road 💓 keep going.

[Bee1]

I am feeling the same. I send out a lot of love to others here. I know it hurts. How long will it take for me to heal? I am disabled also. I am so stuck, I am scared my life will end like this. Alone. I am taking care of me as much as possible, I eat well, I sleep well, but the loneliness is ultra painful, I am paying a price for the abuse, when all I did was give my heart and soul, until I was broken. I cannot physically move much so I can’t even escape my feelings with endorphin boosting activity. I have my elders but they cannot take worries of my sadness so I stay ‘chirpy’ for them. I know there is noo quick fix for healing, I try to be patient with me. I meditate and rest when I have to with the physical pain. I struggle to see a happy ending for me.
This is not self pity, just looking at the reality of my life now. I pray for faith that I could have a little true happiness before my time’s up. 🙏🏼 I feel for us all who have a broken heart.

[Bee1]

Bumble bees are happiest playing on flowers, not nettles. How can we produce our honey if someone’s purposefully poisoning us….?
(Analogy for us bees ☺️🐝).

Enough is enough. And You will realise that all this disrespect has no future.
Acceptance hun, it’s the first step to your inner freedom and peace. 🙏🏼

[Bee1]

Much love and hugs going out to all of us.

A lot of recovery is accepting the fact that time can’t be rushed, hurtful and frustrating it can be, but healing is never a quick thing I don’t think.

The more time goes on, the more nurturing you do just for You, the easier if becomes along the way. I remind myself of this every day, even on the tough days. Gratitude for your Peace I think soothes the Soul.
Yes I feel lonely, can’t remember the last time I was hugged – lonnnng time ago, yes I miss ‘the good times’, but reality does become clearer the more days go by. I would not swap my hurting heart for another dose of the inevitable chaos that goes with that person. That’s not love, that’s just a pain the ***.

Stay real and keep going,
… always a little further 💝 🙏🏼

[Bee1]

Trauma bonds do indeed dissipate.

I felt like I just read my story Sadmoth,
I was exactly the very same afterwards.
I didn’t want to go no contact but I did,a tough decision.
The realisation of it all in the end, for me was a massive shock at the extent of what I’d seen, put up with, excuses and forgave repeatedly, it is a lot to deal with in the aftermath.

So take the necessary Time,
have patience with the healing, and nurturing you is all important now. Recognise your emotions, and know that they will pass.

Don’t forget to breathe…
Take time to slow it down.
💓🙏🏼💓

[Bee1]

💓🙏🏼
You will not feel like this for ever..
The struggle at this time is the hardest,
but you will rebuild and please don’t say you have nothing to live for.
Keep reaching out, speaking out. There’s hundreds of us on here who know how it feels. And the ones who are further down the road will tell you… you won’t feel like this for ever.
There is a lot of support here. 🙏🏼 Sending you love and strength 💓

[Bee1]

Bumblebee?
I am sure every one of us in here felt the same…. the fear of an unknown, we all learned that as kids, but it’s the woman in us that can face the perceived challenge.

I wonder also if there’s the Little Girl Bumblebee who has an unresolved fear from way back in your years. Those fears can anchor us into putting up with a bad situation (this is psychology, but I’ve done a lot of work on finding out things about me since I left). I have had to realise there’s a Little Girl Bee1 who Big Adult Bee1 has to look after.

(Apologies if the psychological aspect here, hope it’s ok to mention moderators.
It’s just that it helped me to realise a few things about why I stayed so long).

[Bee1]

Ps… one thing I had to make myself have in my recovery is patience.

(I can still have some angry frustration that after all I’d been through in my past: I survived rape a long time ago, I survived a very serious illness, then he does a Jekyll and Hyde and lands his nasty drunken mess on my lap! Gee, thanks for that!😢).

I focus on patience in my recovery still, because it just cannot be rushed.
Time really is The Healer 💓🙏🏼

[Bee1]

I agree with Kip too. Be good to talk it out if you can. But please please please know, it will pass. I’m sure we can all say that after we’ve split from partners our minds are so very very cloudy, and the puzzles go up and down and round and round.
But the repairing is already starting, even tho you maybe can’t see that yet. Be gentle with You, be good to You.
I know my ex has moved into to someone else’s coat tails, probably more than 1, makes me feel a bit sick actually. So funny now as once I thought he was THE one 😄! And I adored him utterly.
Glad I managed to wise up, before I went nuts!
It will be sunny again, you’ll see.
And a lot of peeps on here will say just the same. 💓
Wishing you strength and hope.

[Bee1]

Hi there fellow Bee 🙂🐝

‘Pain bodies’ recognise other ‘pain bodies’ unconsciously I reckon. I’ve been doing some reading about that funny enough…
I tried for years to understand his mental states and tried to smooth out his mental battles, of which there were MANY. But i found it impossible as he could not accept his own truths. . So sad. Inevitably I became so weakened by trying, I simply ran out steam, and ran out of reasons to love him any longer, it made me so poorly in the battle.
The true colours of his character became very ugly to me. I’m now on my own, and focusing on my healing my own scars.

I hope you are ok as can be little bee 💓🙏🏼

[Bee1]

We can’t always be The Mighty Warriors of 24/7, I think it’s good that we can come here to just be here for each other, whatever the weather.
I am grateful for you all being here.
And send love and hope out to us all 💓

[Bee1]

Yes, It has a magic all its own Auriel. Lots n lots n lots of simplest little things. And I never had any privacy, even in the bathroom! I’m not saying it’s not hard too, I suffer from loneliness a lot, which is painful. But I made a me a damn good steak dinner with asparagus last night 😄 and I light the candles for my contemplative self now 😌
My Den, my rules 😀👍

[Bee1]

Bless Lisa and Darcy, Angels 💓🤗 hugs

Time can’t be rushed and the scribbles that this leaves in our minds won’t always feel this messy. Time will distance you from the past and you can enjoy this time of year for different reasons, your own reasons. I have had to learn this myself too. I now love a very very quiet life on my own,I don’t have any support around me, so it has been an intense learning curve, but a learning I had to do by myself. Focus on you, for you. 🙏🏼
It gets easier 💓

[Bee1]

Hi ddia,
I can surely relate. I too had these kind of mornings after vivid dreams like this.
I would wake up and tears were already rolling down my face, it’s a strange sensation.
I have since concentrated on being in the Now of each moment as much as I can. I have/am using every tool I can find to help keep me grounded. I use aromatherapy,meditation, self hypnosis (Michael Sealey -YouTube), reading positive inspirational literature, and trying to rekindle my creativity, I was too emotionally exhausted to even lift a paint brush for many years.

I do think this is the ‘shrapnel’ of their mental conditioning, in time it happens less and less. But if I woke in the night in the fear, I’d sit on my bed edge, feel my feet firmly on the floor, look around, i am not in danger right now, I am safe, that dream is not actually reality. Not any more. And steady your breathing down mindfully.
It sinks in slowly, keep grounded in The Now.
Take comfort in all the lovely little things that mean so much now without the chaos. 🙏🏼💓

[Bee1]

From one Bee to another 🐝🙂
Bee strong…
Amongst the great advice here…
Remember:
Your current situation is not your final destination.

And you’re much, much stronger than you think! It takes mighty strength to put up with all their sh+t right? And for how long?!

You’ll be there to catch yourself don’t worry. I wasted (removed by moderator)yrs before I wised up.

When you’re ready, and make the move to get that that space to breathe.. it’s pure gold!

[Bee1]

It’s very frightening waking in this state… but it won’t always be so. It gets less.
After he left, for quite some time I used to wake up with tears already rolling down my face. I now realise it’s part of the ripples of aftershock that can still occasionally surprise.

So awareness, and consciousness of absolutely necessary methods for healing on a daily basis are now the tip-top priorities.

I keep practicing being in The Right Now.
Especially when overwhelming feelings happens.
And simply breathe.
Strength returns, as it will for you.

Don’t let anyone muddy your waters, keep yourself flowing and focussed, because now it’s all about you. 💓 Sending much love and recovery to us all x

[Bee1]

🤗 I send my hugs out to us all, and lovely ladies replying to you here, they’ve supported me too.
Gut feeling is well worth listening to, those tight, nauseous feelings are what I didn’t listen to back at the start. Because I wanted it not to be so, I forgave and forgave and tried and tried. Hindsight – waste of time.
Be gentle to you. Take time for yourself and keep rejuvenating. It is amazing isn’t it when you write things down. Shocked myself when I wrote it all out, there was ALOT!

[Bee1]

I’m sending healing hugs out to us all….
Very much relate to you here. I too am out for quite some time now, I realise the effects of the years of endurance have left me with a degree of PTSD, anxiety and depression. I survived a cancer operation through it all, with absolutely no help, just insults from him. Mid lockdown I simply had to end it. Heartbroken. I’ve since been dropped like a stone and cut off from every aspect. I realise this is typical NARC behaviour, as he is no doubt on to his next supply. I am angry that he’s off scott-Free and I’m left with such isolation and hurt.
And now disabled.
But… rather this than a lifetime of what I left.
My counsellor advised to write a letter to him, not to send or for anyone else to read. But to write a really ‘let loose’ letter and get aallll your feelings out, without censorship. I do think it helps to release.
I know all too well the confusion of after we’ve gone. I felt in shock at what I had left.. it took/takes some time, which can’t be rushed.

My counselling helped while it lasted, but I am in here as I have no one else around to me to speak out to. It is good for us to be able to freely express, which I hope you’ll keep doing.

I try to remember H.O.P.E.
Hold On, Pain Ends. 🙏🏼💓

[Bee1]

I can relate to you a lot in this. How are you lately? I too am quite a few months away from what simply had to end. Broke my heart to do it.
I feel strong in some ways, and especially for but the hard days when loneliness grips is very painful, i get scared, i have no support around me, and I care for my elders, so I have to be strong regardless, not always easy….
Along the way, I try and live healthily, meditation is useful to quieten the mind down. I think we must keep reaching out so we can be heard when all is silent.

[Bee1]

Same here SingleMomSurvivor,
It really scribbled my brain at the time,
Trying to justify his behaviour. And from very very early on as we got started.
Just goes to show how much the confusion clouds the reality of what’s actually going on. And how many times have we tried to forgive in the hope that it’s not really that bad? For me? Absolutely LOADS of times.
The fact that I was leached on cuts me pretty deep, after all I have been through in my years. Incredulous he could top it off with such selfishness, I nearly drowned in his chaos and sickness.
Writing that ‘Horrendous List’ was very cathartic in realising the extent of his mental illness and the effect it had on me in the following years.
I am still very sad that this is how it turned out. I think I had a lucky escape in the end. Even though I am alone in life, I don’t have any support around me, and now disabled, I am safer, and saner, without him in it.

[Bee1]

Hello Milkshake, wonderful comments from the above special ladies 🤗
Please don’t feel stupid, please remember,
your feelings are the work of a seasoned led craftsman, who knows the tactics inside out on how to make you feel just like this.
It’s not who you are, it’s the effects of their treatment. They aren’t well people.
It took me quite a long time to realise this too, huge disbelief of the level he would stoop to…
I wrote a very long list of his events, made me see more clearly I can tell you.

Time can’t be rushed to heal ourselves, be patient with you. Be really good to you. Test Be your own bezzie mate 🙂
Now I’ve had some time out of it all, I am slowly rebuilding, in my own time, and protecting my inner Peace. 💓

[Bee1]

This reminded me of the last straw I had with my now thankfully gone NARC ex. No empathy for my physical pain I had, he’d just go off and drink himself into a nasty stupor.
Experienced some complications (detail removed by moderator). He was not there for me.
How can I ever forgive anyone who says (detail removed by moderator)
The drunk.
Like a dagger in my heart that was.
He is a obviously a very sick man.

Enough chances, Ended it!!! The shock of what I was dealing with is still sinking in quite a lot of months later.

I sincerely hope you feel better dear lady and you find some tranquility 💓

[Bee1]

Keep climbing, clarity and peace will come. X

[Bee1]

🛏 so good to get into a peaceful nest 😊
I recently threw out all my pillows,
nice new ones now for my head and no one else’s 😄 yep, the little things mean a lot!

[Bee1]

Absolutely Darcy hun!! Yes. It was a reluctant lightbulb moment, but it came down to just one thing… it HAD to happen, the (detail removed by moderator). Which was an odd one, and very very quiet on my own, but that’s ok. I sure didn’t wish it was like it was!
I did me a really nice dinner, had a soothing aromatherapy foot soak with lavender, a nice cold glass of fizz and an early night… aaaaaand relaaax 😄👍

[Bee1]

Hey dear bumble bee 🐝

I can read you’re feeling just the same as I did hun…. on and on it went til I just got to the stage, eventually, when enough was absolutely enough, you will know when your time is right dear lady.
Have courage in your Self. You won’t always feel this squished. 🤗 I’m sending you bee hugs 💓

[Bee1]

💓💓💓 for me, these quotes help when the spaghetti junction of confusion in trying to deal with all the cr@ppola they dump on our mind plates.

[Author]

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