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    • #146086

      Hey there other bee, I haven’t been in here a while but I remember your posts from a while ago, when you were hoping to escape your trap relationship.
      I hope you managed to leave it, 🙏🏼albeit an up and down recovery.
      I sincerely wish you all the strength and a return of sunshine in your life, we Bees do like that 🙂 🐝
      Care and patience.

    • #140742

      Hello other Bee,
      I haven’t been in here for a while, and happened to read of your escape 👍👍👍
      It takes a lot of courage, i know too well.
      That comparison mind-chatter is tough to control isn’t it, time I think is the only thing that will help that naturally weaken its volume. I am quite a number of months out myself and I still get those pangs…
      But not a day goes by when I don’t appreciate my peace, albeit a very lonely existence since, but he won’t walk through my door with all his trauma.
      I know he will be bamboozling the next feed/s and in full swing of the charming best behaviour, I pity the next ones, they will find out true colours in time.
      Enjoy your new wings of freedom, take good care of you now, be patient with yourself.
      I know myself, it simply cannot be rushed. 💓

    • #137298

      I very much relate to the wide eyed realisation of the endured behaviour patterns once you get out and you can see more clearly. The muddle in the mind was so very confusing. I can’t believe what I put up with now I’m out of it.
      I started to write a list of all his episodes I could remember, it helped alot, and the list was very long, really does bring some necessary perspective that makes your sense of peace much stronger.
      Not a day goes by when I don’t truly appreciate my peace now, in the smallest little things. Gratitude is a wonderful thing.
      Wishing you much strength and healing 💓

    • #137297

      It’s hard to take the damage that can still run on even after you’ve left. I wager the new woman is a mere emergency binge to feed the dented ego and try to cover up reality.
      Remember love does not feel like this.
      Acceptance is important.
      It hurts so much because it’s wrong with this person, for whatever reasons they may have that underpins their behaviour. I tried to unravel my ex’s psychology/alcoholism for years with him to try and help us. Millions of hours talking and talking .
      Never enough…never is, so I’m outta there! Before it nearly killed me.

      Take your time hun, as muuuuuch as you need to heal. Be as kind to YOU as possible.
      Wishing you strength, peace and that harmony is waiting for you, a little further down this road 💓 keep going.

    • #135580

      I am feeling the same. I send out a lot of love to others here. I know it hurts. How long will it take for me to heal? I am disabled also. I am so stuck, I am scared my life will end like this. Alone. I am taking care of me as much as possible, I eat well, I sleep well, but the loneliness is ultra painful, I am paying a price for the abuse, when all I did was give my heart and soul, until I was broken. I cannot physically move much so I can’t even escape my feelings with endorphin boosting activity. I have my elders but they cannot take worries of my sadness so I stay ‘chirpy’ for them. I know there is noo quick fix for healing, I try to be patient with me. I meditate and rest when I have to with the physical pain. I struggle to see a happy ending for me.
      This is not self pity, just looking at the reality of my life now. I pray for faith that I could have a little true happiness before my time’s up. 🙏🏼 I feel for us all who have a broken heart.

    • #134987

      Bumble bees are happiest playing on flowers, not nettles. How can we produce our honey if someone’s purposefully poisoning us….?
      (Analogy for us bees ☺️🐝).

      Enough is enough. And You will realise that all this disrespect has no future.
      Acceptance hun, it’s the first step to your inner freedom and peace. 🙏🏼

    • #133388

      Much love and hugs going out to all of us.

      A lot of recovery is accepting the fact that time can’t be rushed, hurtful and frustrating it can be, but healing is never a quick thing I don’t think.

      The more time goes on, the more nurturing you do just for You, the easier if becomes along the way. I remind myself of this every day, even on the tough days. Gratitude for your Peace I think soothes the Soul.
      Yes I feel lonely, can’t remember the last time I was hugged – lonnnng time ago, yes I miss ‘the good times’, but reality does become clearer the more days go by. I would not swap my hurting heart for another dose of the inevitable chaos that goes with that person. That’s not love, that’s just a pain the ***.

      Stay real and keep going,
      … always a little further 💝 🙏🏼

    • #133011

      Trauma bonds do indeed dissipate.

      I felt like I just read my story Sadmoth,
      I was exactly the very same afterwards.
      I didn’t want to go no contact but I did,a tough decision.
      The realisation of it all in the end, for me was a massive shock at the extent of what I’d seen, put up with, excuses and forgave repeatedly, it is a lot to deal with in the aftermath.

      So take the necessary Time,
      have patience with the healing, and nurturing you is all important now. Recognise your emotions, and know that they will pass.

      Don’t forget to breathe…
      Take time to slow it down.

    • #133007

      You will not feel like this for ever..
      The struggle at this time is the hardest,
      but you will rebuild and please don’t say you have nothing to live for.
      Keep reaching out, speaking out. There’s hundreds of us on here who know how it feels. And the ones who are further down the road will tell you… you won’t feel like this for ever.
      There is a lot of support here. 🙏🏼 Sending you love and strength 💓

    • #133005

      I am sure every one of us in here felt the same…. the fear of an unknown, we all learned that as kids, but it’s the woman in us that can face the perceived challenge.

      I wonder also if there’s the Little Girl Bumblebee who has an unresolved fear from way back in your years. Those fears can anchor us into putting up with a bad situation (this is psychology, but I’ve done a lot of work on finding out things about me since I left). I have had to realise there’s a Little Girl Bee1 who Big Adult Bee1 has to look after.

      (Apologies if the psychological aspect here, hope it’s ok to mention moderators.
      It’s just that it helped me to realise a few things about why I stayed so long).

    • #132981

      Ps… one thing I had to make myself have in my recovery is patience.

      (I can still have some angry frustration that after all I’d been through in my past: I survived rape a long time ago, I survived a very serious illness, then he does a Jekyll and Hyde and lands his nasty drunken mess on my lap! Gee, thanks for that!😢).

      I focus on patience in my recovery still, because it just cannot be rushed.
      Time really is The Healer 💓🙏🏼

    • #132978

      I agree with Kip too. Be good to talk it out if you can. But please please please know, it will pass. I’m sure we can all say that after we’ve split from partners our minds are so very very cloudy, and the puzzles go up and down and round and round.
      But the repairing is already starting, even tho you maybe can’t see that yet. Be gentle with You, be good to You.
      I know my ex has moved into to someone else’s coat tails, probably more than 1, makes me feel a bit sick actually. So funny now as once I thought he was THE one 😄! And I adored him utterly.
      Glad I managed to wise up, before I went nuts!
      It will be sunny again, you’ll see.
      And a lot of peeps on here will say just the same. 💓
      Wishing you strength and hope.

    • #146286

      Keep climbing, clarity and peace will come. X

    • #133003

      🛏 so good to get into a peaceful nest 😊
      I recently threw out all my pillows,
      nice new ones now for my head and no one else’s 😄 yep, the little things mean a lot!

    • #132976

      Absolutely Darcy hun!! Yes. It was a reluctant lightbulb moment, but it came down to just one thing… it HAD to happen, the (detail removed by moderator). Which was an odd one, and very very quiet on my own, but that’s ok. I sure didn’t wish it was like it was!
      I did me a really nice dinner, had a soothing aromatherapy foot soak with lavender, a nice cold glass of fizz and an early night… aaaaaand relaaax 😄👍

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