StrongLife

[StrongLife]

It’s dreadful when they punch walls, threatening get angry, violent and screaming and you cannot get them out so you can be out of harms way.

In my case alcohol was also added in. At one stage towards end I was addressing matters outside – hoping he would calm down and have normal conversation- rarely happened. Never had this level with another guy before or after this guy.

For me it was throwing fists and abusive language. Police were called when he got physical.

I had no seperate money but did in the end and promptly left relationship.

I started counseling.

Still in counseling and moving through getting the end remnants of this so called marriage – more of trapped in not being able to move on and having little options.

[StrongLife]

Thanks for posting. The jealousy is common. Many a time I would get accused. For no apparent reason. Everyday ordinary people he would be jealous of – it was constant over the years. A pattern. Dreadful. Never had that level of jealousy before and never again. The next guy I dated – no jealousy.

Sorry you went through this and lost a job. Job loss is not uncommon as they want to continue their financial abuse.

Wanted you to know I read you story and glad you are able to post and heal.

Please seek domestic violence counseling- it’s helpful if you have not already. Try a good group.

Clearly his issues and his fault.

[StrongLife]

Understand the driving under influence- I too have been worried about this in the past. Police finally picked him up.

It is deeply distressing to know this is what is happening and understand the brick wall comment. Becomes sometimes pointless because they continue to do this type of thing.

[StrongLife]

Court system is very bad for this.

They tend to use it to bully etc etc. very difficult when the other party follows you etc.

Very common thing they do. Harsh and unacceptable.

I hear you in this time on bullying via court system

[StrongLife]

Welcome to the forum. It is overwhelming at first especially with dependent relying on you.

Yes it is amazing how something small happen ie one too many things which throws you into another mode of thinking.

[StrongLife]

I went to financial counseling to deal with banks because it was overwhelming. They dealt with more than this. Ultimately, best option at the time as I was no longer living in house and had fled.

[StrongLife]

Over time it fades with time and safety plans move through different stages.

All is better if you relocate away or vice versa.

The relocation works in that they cannot immediately find you.

Regards

[StrongLife]

Have you considered counseling and lawyer supports. These are free for domestic violence situations.

Some services can also organise other services for you.

[StrongLife]

Good good point there in keeping it behind computer screen rather than in person. I moved from in person work then wfh for same company and the abuse followed on Teams at home. Eventually I left of course with boss screaming in my ear.

Some places are just so toxic- it’s not worth my time. Others are genuinely nice. Hard to pick it upfront when you may get a quick half he to 1 hr interview

[StrongLife]

I agree, the cannot change. Seek support in counselling, lawyers, and safety planning just in case he escalated. I hear the phrase he won’t listen a lot. It’s soul destroying when they disregard your thoughts and ideas.

I too have had this- it’s all soul destroying

[StrongLife]

They take the pressure off of finances, counselling, access to grants, safety plans and generally someone to ring should there be issues.

I found counsellor and social worker particularly helpful

May have access to group counselling in real life.

These all take the pressure off.

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

Yes I have been through this. Very difficult especially if it is roof that is been taken from you. For me, things highly escalated at this point with assets etc and made it move into higher domestic violence and escalated.

I am still in process – it is not quick.

Regards

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

From my experience they tend to get worse with the violence.They escalate and do extraordinary things to control rather than de -escalate.

On leaving, living in separate safer house and having a safety plan puts more safety for you. This is the better plan in long run as they do not change- they get worse, but the situation changes with living arrangements

[StrongLife]

I had this threat many times.

Please be careful, keep you and your child safe. Take this threat seriously

[StrongLife]

I have had more men who have done this than not. Where I am it is common occurrence and see this in paper a lot.

[StrongLife]

No – mine too put the lie in of “perhaps counseling “ made booking, he did not go etc etc.

Do not believe they will change, it is you that will do the changing.

It will be a change for the better.

[StrongLife]

I have found living alone without men very peaceful.
I have had offers of dates etc however not interested.

I have women surrounding me who are in relationships and some not. The ones who are not are all good, working and very independent.

[StrongLife]

Try a support organisation in your area – they will be able to refer you to this.

[StrongLife]

Expressive and wonderful poem.

Poetry is good to get things out. Creative endeavours are always good ways to change thoughts too.

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

A thought here. What about setting up on your own for a while – if you have not already? Taking a break from men for a while?

Get to a space where men sit there but you are not dating etc.

I can judge now unacceptable and acceptable behaviour.

[StrongLife]

Good on you for persistence and thanks for sharing the update. You deserve that movies and the peace.

[StrongLife]

Glad you saw this and heard the podcast.

These men who are violent do similar things, similar behaviours, like they all have this manual and read from it. I too was reading anout this and see nothing different in the information to what the ex did

[StrongLife]

Go to a lawyer. I’ve been in a similar position and you need to do this ASAP.

Things may escalate. Please be safe

Thanks

[StrongLife]

You are moving forward- it does not seem it but it appears you have left and moved out.

Refuges are temporary housing. Things will move forward again shortly.

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

There are a lot of people supporting the ex in my life.

Find others in your life – professionals and friends who support you. I have found this helps

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

Go to a lawyer first. There is set times and ways to divorce especially if kids and such involved, assets too.

Please be careful, things can escalate quickly as well if courts involved

[StrongLife]

I could have written your post.

It gets better in time. Some things go away but memories change, your opinion of them changes and you grow and change too.

[StrongLife]

It just gets far worse. They never change

[StrongLife]

Sorry this has not worked out.

[StrongLife]

I protected him from his own lies. It’s just something I did automatically in the end. So many lies – it was nearly every sentence.

It’s automatic. I too at times felt sorry for him but I was doing things for myself for the first time and making plans for life without him. Regardless, even if I was with him. I had left the relationship. It was more of being trapped and investigating leaving.

[Author]

Posts